[Allmyfault]

Well we were dating for 4 year living together for 2 year and the past 6 month we have been in a rut, we were unhappy together, we didn't laugh with each other, we didn't hold hands walking to the shop and stuff, we never really spoke to each other much :(
Now I new we were unhappy but I didn't do anything to help the situation, I would start petty arguments, do what I wanted to do, not take her out, just sit and watch TV or play my games. I fully screwed up whilst I was doing all this she was falling out of love with me and now she has ended it 3 weeks ago, but she ended via a text and I haven't seen her for 3 weeks :(.
Now at first I thought yea its probably for the best but after a few days I started getting really hurt and started really wanting her, the pain is unbelievable and I never ever thought I loved her as much as I do now I'm still crying for her every day and it feels like its not getting any better, I just really hope there was something I could do to get her back and to show her how much she means to me but she said to me she only has feelings for me as a friend now and carnt see a future :(.

I really could do with some help and advice please, my heart is broken :(

[abelladonus]

First off, try to be this girl's friend. Sometimes, starting over and fresh will help a relationship blossom back. You guys were obviously attracted to each other originally and maybe you being her friend will remind her of why she loved you in the first place. However, do remember that if she decides to try to start over you need to treat her with the love and passion she deserves and make a point of remembering how much it hurt when she was suddenly gone.

However, if she unwilling to try to start be good friends or if the friendship doesn't become more then use this as a learning experience. I know it hurts, but make a point of learning what you have done wrong this time and maybe you will not make the same mistake twice.

[Shadowburn]

Have to respectfully disagree with abelladonus, being friends after break up is extremely painful and only prolongs the agony. She made it clear she has no romantic feelings for you. Now you think you love her so much and really miss her... you don't, you just miss the familiarity and security of the relationship.

Read stickies about NC and how to let go of failed relationship and what can you learn out of this painful experience.

Good luck.

[Allmyfault]

Thanks for the reply, yea I totally screwed up in that regard stop giving her attention, I at one point even thought I had stopped loving her, but I think that was just because none of us showed affection to each other, yea we would make love but that was just straight to it nothing else :(

She told me that she tried to tell me, but I never seen it, want I needed her to say was I don't think what we doing is working out as planned we need to do change things to make this relationship work. But all I got was I need a break can you go back to your mams so I can decide what I want :(
Now I'm finding it really hard, I need to see her next week to sort out are place as she is keeping it on, but I don't think I can cope but it neeeds to be done so I'm not paying bills :(

She told me that we can be friends in ime just not yet,

[Shadowburn]

She is right, you can't be friends right now. You both have to finish your mutual business as quickly as possible (settle apartment, get things back etc.) and go NC to let each other heal from the break up. Don't blame yourself exclusively - no one person can be solely responsible for the failure of two-people relationship. It sounds more like your relationship just ran out its course, and keeping it up out of habit just doesn't make any sense.

[Cat1864]

Until you are over the break up, I wouldn't try to be her friend. It just confuses both of you and leads to false hope.

Make certain that belongings are back to their correct owners and that joint accounts/bills are taken care of. Limit contact at the very least or better still use No Contact to give yourself time and space to heal properly without the confusion constant contact brings.

Even if you did get back together, I would recommend taking time to heal and let the past go. Take the lessons you have learned and go forward. Put them to use in your next relationship whether that is with her or another person.

Get out and get involved in things you enjoy that help you feel good about yourself. If you feel good about you, it will help you be a better partner in the future. Outside interests can also help keep ruts from forming by giving the people something to focus on along with the relationship.

[Allmyfault]

Yea I don't think we can be friends just yet because of how I feel, I don't want to preassure anyone into taking me back because of guilt or me trying to force them, that would never work as they wouldn't be happy which in return would make me unhappy.

As much as I want to see her in the flesh to sort out are business, I need to be honest with myself and say I may not be able to hold my emotion if I see her so might have to do it over the phone or something and make sure she is not in when I pick my stuff up.

We can never go back to the old relationship we had as it was clearly not working. If nc is the way to go after we have delt with are home then so be it, I maybe able to find the answers to what I want at the end.

[Allmyfault]

So how do I get over the feeling of guilt ? I feel like I've really hurt her by not giving her what she wanted,once we went on the break I relised she was trying to get me to do stuff to make the relationship work but I still would say no, yes it maybe have just been do you want to go for a walk and I would say no don't fancy one, I can just imagine how hard that would have been on her :(. I've hurt her but at the end of it all I've really hurt myself :(

[Cat1864]

About the only thing you can do is accept that the past is the past. Take what you have learned and move forward.

You are going to have to learn how to forgive yourself. It's not easy and it takes time.

Give yourself that time.

[Allmyfault]

Yea I'm finding it really hard, I don't no if its guilt that makes me want her back so much just so I could fix all the crappy mistakes I did :(
I really don't no at this point, I no she is everything I ever wanted, and I really don't no why I wouldn't do things with her :(
I haven't seen her for a month but I need to se her asap to sort out are home and get my stuff back, I intiated no contact, but she text me to ask me a question about are home the other week to say she will meet me this week, I replied and haven't heard anything since. Should I contact her to get this sorted ?

Thanks for all your replies.

[Cat1864]

Legal and financial matters need to be taken care of as soon as possible. Neither of you need the complictions that letting them slide will cause.

You need to get your stuff back. It is an anchor to her and the past that you don't need.

Once every thing is taken care of, go NC.

[Devorameira]

To build the relationship back you really have to start from square one and become friends again - just NOT NOW. You need to go NC, heal, and work on yourself first.

Are you sure that you're madly in love with her or could it just be that you're feeling rejected? Give yourself time to really figure it out before you try stepping back into her life.

[Allmyfault]

Yea well I think I best get in touch with her about are home then, I need to start moving on and I think knowing all my stuff is still there and I'm no further on knowing if she is keeping the home then I'm just sitting like a stuck duck :(

I haven't a clue how I feel to behonest, I don't no what it is, what we had for the first 3 year was great, but the last 6 month I think we both have been unhappy and really stressed out :(

I just hate that I have no say in the matter I still have a feeling that there's someone else but I've asked her a few times now and she has said no so I got to respect that, that is true but she kept saying I don't want to hurt you, we went on a break then 5 days later she text me saying she don't love me in that way anymore so I phoned her straight away asking if I could pop over or pop over the following week to have a chat and sort out what is happning and all I got was she carnt deal with it, and doesn't want to speak to me :( and that she will see me after her holidays, she has been back 5 days now and hasn't even been intouch :( its her birthday on Thursday and I don't even no if I should call her or text her happy birthday, good job I didn't buy her the pressie I was going to get her, as I think it would be inappropriate to give her it after this :(

[Allmyfault]

Well I found out that there's someone else today so good luck to them ha, I'm glad I got outter there to be fair, the way she been going on the past month. She trying to blame it all on me but as I've been told it takes 2 to make a relationship work so my guilt has gone, thanks for everyone's replies