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summerj · Jan 26, 2010, 09:31 PM

Threads merged

Hi Everyone,

My boyfried of 6.5 years decided to end the relationship right before christmas. Since then he has already starting dating someone else. At first he told me that they just went on a few dates, then a few days later, he said he was sleeping with her and she enjoys it. Over the past year our intimacy was lacked due to confidence in myself. I have been making changes in my life to get that confidence back. As far as how he is acting, is what I am so confused and hurt about. To begin, right before he decided to leave, We bought a new car, moved into another place together, even though we have lived together for almost 6 years, bought some new stuff for the house, then he left. At first he said he would go to counceling, then he decided it was too late for that. Today he told me that he said that he told me he was sleeping with someone else to hurt me, but that he really didn't sleep with her. If he was so interested in that person, I feel there was no need for me to hear that. Also today, I opened my heart up to him asking that he don't give up on us, that he should think about our life when we were the happiest. I also told him that I am going to counceling on my own and hope that someday we can get past all the hurt. I said it's going to take time and that I hope he listens to everything I am saying. Tonight was a different story. He came to get some more of his stuff, I was not home. He had called several times, and when I called him back, he said the relationship is over, that he never agreed to counceling and that it does not matter, he is done. He was very nice and considerate on the phone earlier, and very disrespectful and rude tonight. I think she was in the car with her when he was talking to me. He did come to the house, I think she was here with him, he did get some of his stuff but he did not take everything. Also while on the phone tonight, he said that he is interested in someone else. Why would he say that he will think about everything I said only to go against it tonight. I know this may sound weird but I have gone through this with him before. 3 years ago he left, had a fling with another woman, and begged me to take him back. I did take him back and now again find myself in the same situation. I love him so much. He is my best friend and in my heart I think the problems we were having could be taken care of with counceling. So with all the mixed emotions and conversations I need advice.

amicon · Jan 26, 2010, 11:58 PM

As hurtful as this is,it's time to let this go.
He's giving you mixed messages,but the facts are there,he's seeing somebody else and he is not willing to save what you had.

Move on with your life,do the counseling for you-and cut him out of your life.

Read the stickies about NC at the top of the relationship page,there is lots of good advice how to handle a breakup.

Romefalls19 · Jan 27, 2010, 07:46 AM

Start NC, end this mind games he is playing with you. You will recover soon enough, it will just prolong it if you continue to allow him to play with you

Devorameira · Jan 27, 2010, 03:52 PM

I know you're hurting and am sorry about the breakup, but before you can move on you need to accept the reality of your situation. You broke up, it’s over. Let reality sink in. Don’t allow yourself to harbor secret fantasies of getting back together or how he’s going to come crawling back to you. Respect that this chapter of your life has closed and tell yourself that you’re going to have to get over it and move on. It didn’t work out and it probably wasn’t meant to be. Accept that fact and move on.

His comments on having sex were cruel and uncalled for. Don't blame yourself and don't allow his infidelity to affect your self-confidence. He's the one in the wrong! Your boyfriend didn’t cheat because you weren’t good enough – he cheated because he made a decision to do the wrong thing.

Ultimately, you’ve just got to follow your heart. You've already given him a second chance and that hasn't worked out at all. Isn't it time to move on?

______________________

A break up is like a broken mirror.
It is better to leave it broken
than hurt yourself trying to fix it.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2010, 10:07 PM

If you didn't learn from the first time he had his fling. I hope you learn this time and tell him to get the rest of his stuff and leave you alone.

You would be crazy in my book to put up with this very bad behavior, AGAIN!

CarrotTalker · Jan 27, 2010, 10:50 PM

What's that saying:
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.

emopunk7 · Jan 28, 2010, 02:39 AM

This man deserves nothing from you! You are a woman! Do you know how great and wonderful that makes you. You should feel confident in every step you take just because of that! Us men adore you pretty creatures. There is something very special aboit each one of you and there is always someone out there looking for exactly that. So get up and stay busy and stop thinking so much, especially about someone that treats you like dirt. Show yourself to all the awesome guys out there who want what you have. Take care!

summerj · Jan 28, 2010, 07:05 AM

Thank you for the wonderful advice. I did read the NC rules and have already started feeling better. I am starting to realize that someone like that does not belong in my life. Even though I know it will take time to get over the pain, I do know in the long run it is better for me.:)

amicon · Jan 28, 2010, 07:30 AM

Good thinking-keep it up.
Take care and good luck.

summerj · Mar 10, 2010, 11:30 AM

Threads merged

My ex of over 6 years broke up with me right before christmas. We have had our ups and downs since the breakup, but since Valentines day I thought things were getting better. He kept telling me that he loves me and misses me. He agreed to a counseling session, which we attended last Wednesday. Last Friday he came to my house and said that he is so sorry and that he will always love me. I found out later that he has been seeing another girl since he left me. Even though he was seeing her he wanted to continue counseling. Last night things turned around completely. He told me that he is in love with the other girl and that he wants to have a life with her. The sad thing is, she was in the background while he is telling me this. Why would he tell me a few days earlier that I complete him to turn around and say he is in love with her and he no longer wants contact with me. I guess I have don't understand how he could, if he does in fact, love someone so soon. Any advice would be appreciated. I know it's time to move on but these are questions I have

summerj · Mar 10, 2010, 11:50 AM

I also wanted to add that after the breakup he would contact me and stop by my house unannounced just like he did last Friday. I tried moving on with my life but he was making it hard for me. He had plenty of oppertunities to tell me that he did not want to work things out, but he was doing the exact oppisite. Also why did he have to tell me that he was in love with her and wanted to be with her, while she was in the room

mistyjane · Mar 10, 2010, 12:03 PM

Wow! He told you that while she was there in the room?!
OMG forget this guy please this wasn't a decent way to act he really disreaspects you.
Stop asking yourself why, how,.
He wants to be with this other one ?Fine!
You can't force him and even if he wanted how in the world would you go back to a guy who disrespects you like that!
NO, NO, NO.
Wack up girl, you need to have some self respect!
Go No contact.

amicon · Mar 10, 2010, 12:29 PM

I understand this is very hurtful for you and you were together for quite some time,so it will take a while for you to heal.

Nobody can tell you why he is acting the way he is,but when you are treated with disrespect and are given confusing mixed messages,you should go no contact.

You deserve better than this guy who comes across as an emotional coward and possibly a liar.

talaniman · Mar 10, 2010, 05:57 PM

Its really quite simple, the other girl made him do it in front of her, because she probably found out about YOU, and put her foot down.

This only shows you his true character that he would lie, and cheat.

Yes this is a dead issue now and you dodged a bullet. Any guy who would go to counseling to gain your trust back so he could cheat and get away with it, ain't worth crap.

You should really pity the poor girl who he is with now, as she believes the fool still. It won't be long until she finds out the truth, and she will know your pain.