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 Originally Posted by seville
I think you need to chill a bit. You seem to be rushing ahead at a million miles. What you need at the moment are friends. Not someone to take your mind off your heartbreak. That's just asking for trouble. |
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Originally Posted by talaniman
Anyway I just wanted to go for a coffee with him, no reason to be so serious! So you have to wait to be asked to go for a coffee.. otherwise its too strong! I guess I live my life like a black and white movie, which isn't reality!! But disappointing!! |
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I always felt that someone came along when I wasn't really looking for it. You might try the things we all suggested earlier as far as getting a good job, finding things that make you happy, and improving your day to day life... and just let the romance happen. When you are happy, you radiate that feeling. I think that's what attracts good men. |
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Originally Posted by Just Looking
Hope your project went well! Well things seem to be getting a bit better:) Today I had a missed call from the hairdresser guy! He left a message saying that he only got the note today! He said thank you very much and that it was very kind! and that he would love to go for a drink with me this week!and to get back to him!:) I will get back to him for a casual drink and try to get to know him a bit better! I knew there was some sort of spark and that I wasn't completely imagining it! For work I went back to my old job and saw the manager she was happy to see me and asked what I was doing now! I asked her if there was any jobs available and she said to give me your resumé and will transfer it to the head office!! :eek: I told her I regretted leaving and that I would love to come back, she understood! She said "hope to see you soon and I said me too"!:) Well will see what happens maybe I should have put a letter with it but didn't want to talk about why I left etc.. Just left it with a positive feeling! I really hope it works out because I know in my heart I want to go back! Well thanks for your advice and will continue with your advice!! |
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Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Well I went to meet this hairdresser guy! We had a good night! The only thing was I didn't realize how much smaller he was than me as when he was doing my hair I was sitting down of course! We went to a cool place with cool music and had a couple of drinks too many!:eek: He came out of his shell after a while and I started to get to know him a bit better! He seems a very nice person and I did some research on his origins, so that we could talk about his culture etc.. I think he was impressed and he was giving signals of liking me!! It was getting late so we left, and looked for a taxi! On the way, we made out. In the taxi he was all over me and asked to come back to my place, I said no as had to work early in the morning and that things were moving to fast! He said I will leave early, but I said no its not a good idea! He was cool about it, when I was dropped off we agreed to meet Sunday! When I got home it was weird I had a bit of nostolgy for my ex and cried for the reality of it all! I had been really lookingfoward to this meeting and it took my mind of my ex but now I feel like I'm back to square one! I did enjoy his company but when you take away the alcohol, I don't think there would be a lot there sometimes there was silences!! It just seems like the feelings will never erase for my ex but I try hard to forget him and with this guy I honestly don't know If I should continue to see him? I think he might want something serious! Hes a lot smaller and slim size it felt a bit funny next to him, I'm used to having a bigger taller man! He was very nice and kind and has a lovely face! I don't know what I want anymore but can't stand this loneliness.. I will maybe try circular dating. I'm just disapointed because I keep thinking there's someone better out there but when I find out that's not the case it hits me all over again!! :confused: Well any opinions? Thank you!! |
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I agree with Homegirl, but also want to add that I hope you are working on yourself as well. It sounds like you are working. Do you like your job? Are you taking those dance classes? What else are you doing for yourself? When you are active, enjoying life, and growing, it becomes less important that you have a man in your life. Just because this one man didn't meet your expectations doesn't mean there isn't someone else out there. I also think you might want to slow down some with the men. Get to know them before things turn physical. I know - I sound like your mother now. ;) |
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Originally Posted by Kitkat22
Now read it again and imprint it onto your brain. Rushing onto the "next sure thing" is a big mistake as you have found out. You are not ready. There are some very wise posters on this forum, please take their advice it will help you immensely as it has done myself and many others. Good Luck :) |
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Originally Posted by Just Looking
Yes, I know what you're saying but my impulsions gets the better of me thinking its going to work out and it will be good with this guy. I guess it was infactuaction and disire but not realistic.. I know I still have feelings for my ex and tend to put myself on hold and not reach out to people!! I have been working on myself and feeling better and positve in general! People seem to notice me as more confident and enjoyable to be around!! I take dance classes and love it! Always have loved to dance and even showed the hairdresser guy my new dance moves the other night lol!! I did the splits and couldn't get back up it was funny!:p In October I will dance in a mini show, I'm lookingfoward to it! For the job I don't have a proper job yet!! I work a couple of hours a week but I 'm hoping my last job that I loved will contact me again!! I also hope to do the red cross diploma next weekend! To get started on helping people!! As for my EX, he contacted me again for the third time by e-mail, this time he said he would be pleased to hear my news and hoped everything was OK for me..! :confused: I haved mixed feelings and miss him very much. The last time I tried to talk to him on msn 2months ago he didn't answer!! So I haven't been on msn in a long while so that I won't feel hurt! I would love to just talk to him about general things!! I think it would be healing for me?! Anyway bye for now and I wish you all a very good weekend!! |
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Originally Posted by kaka67
Well for the moment I don't really care about guys and that I'm doing what I enjoy and not looking for anything!! Idealy I would just love to be with my ex!! I will continue to read the posts that has helped my so far, its up to me to do the rest!! Thanks to everyone!! :) |
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It seems you keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome. If you don't take time to get to know the men you are dating and to let them get to know you, you have no idea if they are interested for the right reasons or if they are even compatible with you. You aren't a teenager any longer. Don't let your impulses lead to mistakes. Take control of yourself and your desires. I'm not saying it's wrong to kiss on a first date, but the way you describe it the man had one intention - to get back to your place. How do you know he was really interested in getting to know you versus looking just for sex? I have the impression you are looking for more than sex at this point, so do yourself a favor and take your time. When things get so physical so soon, often a relationship does not develop. Keep working on yourself, feeling positive, and being a joy to be around. The dance lessons seem like a lot of fun. The splits story is cute. Good luck on the job, but keep looking at other jobs in case it doesn't work out. Don't just wait to hear on this one. It sounds like your ex is trying to be friends. The problem with that is you are not over him yet, and you won't get over him if you keep false hope. Did you ever read the stickies in this forum? This one would be a great start: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ck-187766.html It's full of a lot of insight. One line stands out to me as being important for you to consider. Live and instead of trying to figure out how to get him back focus on getting yourself back. Even beyond getting yourself back, you may need to find yourself or the new you to begin with - you can do it. :) |
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Being on your own for a year is not a long time. Do something productive with your time. Busy yourself. Learn to do things for you, find out what you like what makes you happy. When you are happy with yourself you will be ready for someone else. Dwelling on your ex shows you are not ready for anyone else. |
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Originally Posted by seville
Originally Posted by seville
You seem to jump in feet first without getting to know the person. And yes making out in the back of a taxi is jumping in. No one is telling you to stay on your own forever you are being a bit dramatic. How much longer it takes is up to you. And as you still have contact with the ex it will take even longer. |
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Originally Posted by kaka67
Not really I think it was the fact that we had few drinks more than what we should have had on a first date!! I was enjoying myself and didn't want the moment to end,which I guess wasn't being responsible!! When we left it was kind of a mutual thing, while we walked he turned to me and we kissed. I also felt I needed a bit of affection and it kind of did me good! If I was sobber I probably would never have kissed him. There was no way in the world that I would have slept with him. I'm not that kind of girl!! Until I know the guy is serious and know him better after many, many dates then maybe but even so!! Anyway after being hungover the next day I said to myself never again the usual quote lol! But really its not worth it! Feeling like crap! :eek: Maybe he had intentions of just sleeping with me who knows, he kept getting the shots in. It was just a crazy atmosphere everyone was dancing and singing and having fun that I just thought what the hell! I sincerely learnt my lesson its better to meet a guy on a first date in the day time at least you won't be tempted to drink more etc..! And get to know the person really!! Its hard to avoid because in europe it's a social thing going for drinks..! I'm usually in to my health and don't drink only a glass of wine or a beer once in a while! By the way he texted me on the way home but nothing since and I didn't either but we did agree to meet today Sunday!! I have dance rehearsal later on for a couple of hours but could meet him after! But I don't know whether I should let him know or wait for him to contact me!? For me its just out of respect to let the person know even if we don't meet again!! Yes! You're right I'm sometimes dramatic in everything I do!! :eek: About my ex I'm not exactly in contact with him but I still hold on to hope!! The fact that he has been emailing me got me thinking again,:confused: its just so hard to let go completely!! There are days where I go insane with missing him!! WELL bye for now! Thanks for any comments!! Seville:) P.S (a few hrs later)He's just texted me asking me how I'm doing? |
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:eek:
Originally Posted by Just Looking
Yes I kind of get too carried away, if you read the post below that I wrote to kaka, it explains why it lead to that! I've got to be more realistic when it comes to meeting new guys, but I don't want to come across as too serious! Sometimes its good to let down ones hair and have fun and a few drinks!but shouldn't have got to the point of being drunk that night! The hairdresser guy seemed to be enjoying himself and having fun! And that counts! On the other hand I didn't have the same feelings I had when at the hotel getting my hair done, and I kind of just laughed it off! Each time, I wish I could stop expecting a greater outcome:rolleyes: because nothing is that good and its scary knowing that maybe I won't find the right guy compatible to me!! This guy also told me that he never goes out he stays in all the time He had taken the bus to meet me and I had to tell how to get there and which bus to take!! I like to go out in general but sometimes its nice to stay in! He seemed a bit reserved!! Then again I usually go for the outgoing, dynamic kind of guy but never had luck with these types but drawn to them, they would be too confident and girls and he would be starring all the time which made me feel insecure and uncomfortable. So maybe I should go for a more reserved guy who's not so egocentric. I felt more at ease than with my ex as I felt I could just dance and be myself and talk to people etc.. with my ex he would watch if any guy was hitting on me and made me feel like I couldn't have too much fun, that was over a period of course. In the beginning he wasn't as bad very charming and great company, fun and lively and we had good discussions!! I know I tend to compare my ex to every guy I meet automatically and shouldn't and just give the guy a chance!! He texted me on Sunday wanting to know how I was doing? I suggested we go to the movies one day next week as I would like to give it another try in getting to know him and nothing more. I think he could be a really good friends, as he speaks english too, its good to have good conversations!! He replied "yeah that would be great":) For my ex, after his emails etc.. I went on msn lastnight and he was on line I asked him if he had a good celebration as they celebrate at this time of year in his country! He said yes thanks, then he sent me webcam to accept to see him while we chatted! I said it didn't work as I was in bed and didn't feel ready for him to see me like that! He asked me how I was? ETC... then he said he had to go somewhere lets talk another time! It was like only 3mins chatting! I said OK bye and nothing else it was almost 10pm after a few minutes he was still online! So I went off line that second! I think either he was upset that I didn't except webcam or that he had to go somewhere, I doubt!:confused: The emailing might not have been sincere, knowing him he wanted just some attention from me, a kind of mind game! Anyway I have seen that he flirts on line to young girls like 20yrs and not pretty, in far away countrys who already have boyfriends its sad really. What does he think they're going to drop everything and take him out of his country.pathetic!! Everyday charming these naïve people, and playing poker on line while at work all day long! I had given him way too much credit!! I know its very wrong of me to check but I don't look as often anymore!! It also makes me think well I was just nothing to him!! And that hurts but it gives my an idea that he's still up to his old tricks and in the longrun I would have got really hurt comparing to now! So I will try very hard to turn the page and move on as its not healthy for me anymore! Its making me sleepless and angry!! For the job I have a feeling something good is going to pop soon now is the time for employment here. I really need to start soon I'm cracking up everyday with only a couple of hours work!! :eek: Thanks again for all your help!! Would be grateful for your opinions! |
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Seville.. You need to stop thinking a guy is going to validate you. You've been out of a bad relationship for a year now. No one is going to help you get over this guy but you. Men know vulnerable women, they can spot them a mile away. You are trying to find happiness in the wrong places. If you have friends who are supportive, spend some time with them. Right now you are settling for the wrong kind of guys to date. Give yourself time to find you. Go on a vacation or spend time with your family. You are letting yourself be used and you will end up jumping from the frying pan into the fire. Think about it. |
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