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mcgreg28 · Sep 10, 2010, 09:54 AM

My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up a month and a half ago. This wasn't our 1st or 2nd breakup either. Our problem initially started with our age difference. He is 10 yrs older than I. In the beginning of our relationship I wanted to move to LA for school and he objected with claims that he was unable to do a long distance relationship. After a year of postponement, I moved away to LA for school (reason for break up # 1). I knew that he would be waiting when I get back, and I was right. While I was in LA we talked everyday and continuously expressed our love for each other. Also, I always spent my school breaks with him. Anyway, we got back together the day I moved back home. Everything was going well until I found out that he lied to me for two straight months while I was in LA. I found out that he had a girlfriend living with him, who he kicked out as soon as he discovered that I was moving back home- this was the reason for break up # 2. We got back together within a month. Soon after, we started to argue constantly. He wanted to get married and start a family and I wasn't ready for that. I didn't agree to the marriage, though I deeply love him, because deep down inside I wasn't ready for a baby. To make a long story short, he ended up cheating. I knew that something was wrong because though he always showed affection towards me his affections went through the roof. He made me breakfast in bed, bought and gave me whatever I wanted, and would always repeat how much he loved me. He would even make weird comments like, “promise me that you will never leave me.” In my ignorance, I promised. My suspicion led me to go through his phone one night while he slept. It was then that I discovered that he had cheated. This led to breakup #3.
Anyway, I went the entire 1.5 months without contact. I made sure he understood that I wanted nothing to do with him. I deleted him from my Facebook and lost contact with his family and friends. I even asked my family to not contact or associate with him. I ignored all his attempts, until yesterday when I lost my phone. You see, I am a medical student and things can get a little expensive; especially, now that I no longer have him to help me with certain expenses. So I contacted him yesterday to ask if he would buy me a new phone. He agreed. Now I am very disappointed in myself for breaking the rule. I wish I had made the decision to go without a phone instead of contacting him. Now I have to start this process all over again!
He is my first boyfriend and first and only love. I just can't understand why I keep going back. Why can't I just forget about him? When I examine my situation, I wonder whether I used my missing cell as an excuse to call him. If I did, and I believe I did, then I must be really pathetic. How long before I completely forget about him?

beachloverjohn · Sep 10, 2010, 10:21 AM

The way you're going, probably never. The guy has proven to you over and over again that he can't be trusted and doesn't know the meaning of the word "faithful", yet you still go back for more. You need to stick to no contact until you are completely over him. Keep busy, date others, talk to friends and family, whatever it takes, but every time you give in to your temptations, you're right back to square one.

Shadowburn · Sep 10, 2010, 10:48 AM

You're not exactly back to square one. Dust yourself off and jump back on NC wagon. Yes, it was an excuse to ask him for a phone, and a lame one at that - now you'd feel obligated to start talking to him again.

Back off again and start over. Being medical student, I'm sure you're very busy with studies. Concentrate on what's really important to you. This man proved himself a liar and cheater, leave him behind, you can do better than that.

Good luck.

answerme_tender · Sep 10, 2010, 11:25 AM

Tell your family you would like your x-mas present now if possible, enough cash to pay him back for phone, and then put it in envelope "Signed,sealed,delivered, but I am not yours"!!
"NO Contact" means exactly that, if you lose your phone, then you are big girl think of another way to get one, not contact a cheating,lying individual.

mcgreg28 · Sep 10, 2010, 11:43 AM

Thanks guys. I felt really bad after reading your responses. Consequently, I refused the phone. @Shadowburn: I am pretty busy with school, so much so that I don't even think of him throughout the day. It is usually when I prepare for bed around midnight that I think of him. My mind seems to be occupied with the situation now because I'm really disappointed in myself and I just wish I hadn't.

@beachloverj: Your response is a little harsh but I absolutely love it. I don't have time to date and I'm not quite sure I ever want to be in another relationship. Anyway, whenever I get tempted again, I'll just message you. You know how to get the message across.

Shadowburn · Sep 10, 2010, 12:07 PM

Point being not to make you feel bad, but to see the reality of the situation. It's a dead end relationship, and the sooner you will accept it, the easier it will become. Stay strong and keep NC. Don't feel embarrassed about breaking it, we all have done it. The key is to learn from mistakes and don't go there again.

And yes, it is easier to deal with a pain of a break up during the day, when you can stay busy. Wee hours are the hardest. But you'll be fine.

beachloverjohn · Sep 10, 2010, 12:14 PM

Thanks mcgreg, anytime. I know this cause I believe I'm the king of finding excuses to keep in contact with someone that I should forget. I would even walk around in a body cast if I thought it would get my ex back. Unfortunately, all it ever got me was a name of a good specialist.