[Guy14114]

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 7 months now and it's just not the same as it use to be. We're loseing that spark, in the first two months we couldn't get enough of each other. Then we started getting more busy and seeing less and less of each other as summer came along. To top it off and make things worse I think she's been having relations with some other guy I know. If she hasen't done anything yet I know she might be considering it. Hearing these things from other people and me being alone most of day has been DRIVING ME MAD! I've been needy and controllive which I realize is possibly the worst thing that anyone could do in my situation. I love her with all my heart and I know that if things were better that she's the one. I cannot say that I didn't already think of suicide because I have. Please I need help.

[Kitkat22]

Sit down and talk with her and don't believe everything someone tells you.

Give her the benefit of the doubt, until you know for sure.

Sometimes gossip is just that, gossip.

Good Luck

[Just Looking]

Many relationships go this way – the first two months are great getting to know each other, but the high starts going away after several more months. If she is involved with someone else, she is not being truthful with you. That hurts, but it also tells you something about her character – and it’s not good.

If you are having thoughts of suicide you need to see or speak to someone. Life is precious, and no one is worth giving up your life. Suicide is not the answer. Try thinking of something else. Get a hobby and really get into it. Hang out with your friends. Do something to keep your mind off her. There are better ways to get over things. Please keep trying and don't commit suicide. It’s very natural to feel unwanted or unloved after a breakup or when seeing the breakup coming. Just because one person has decided to lose you, doesn't mean you're worth nothing. You are always worth something and the world is a better place with you in it.

If you handle this experience correctly, it will make you stronger and more confident. There are plenty of suggestions in the stickies on the Relationship board. Read them, and read other stories. Getting over a breakup is a process. You have good days and bad days, but you just keep working at it and moving forward. Don’t spend too much time alone, especially if that means thinking about her and being sad. While you need to process what is happening, you also need to spend time with family and friends. Stay active; find ways to have fun; concentrate on doing well in school or work – there are lots of ways to keep your mind off her. Eventually, when you look back, you will see it was all for the better and you will soon come to realize that life is definitely worth living and that each day is an opportunity.

Take care of yourself – get lots of good sleep, eat right, exercise, find ways to deal with your anxiety (such as exercise, meditation, or even prayer if that will help you). You are definitely not the only one who has ever been dumped in a relationship. Please don't go jumping into another one right now because you will be on the rebound and not fully yourself. You have to learn how to be YOU again, independent of the other person. Be good to yourself and to others, and you will find this journey will move more quickly and easily.

[kp2171]

No disrespect to you... but you aren't that special and neither is she.

Meaning...

What you are going through. Yep. Been through it. As have others. And its normal to think "but my situation is different"... listen... I've been in as deep and dark a place any mortal can be and still walk this earth.

I've been in the worst place there is.

And I've gotten out of it.

So...

To answer your question... you don't make her do anything. The focus is not on how you can try to work your arse off to keep her. That is a common mistake, but still... a mistake.

You cannot make her do anything. You aren't responsible for being so great that she cannot deny her need to be with you.

That... is setup for failure.

You cannot make her want to stay or want to leave. Sure, you could try to be a butler and cater to her every whim, but that gets boring fast. You can try to be her girlfriend and always "be there" for her no matter what the cause or issue, but that really isn't what a healthy relationship between a man and woman is about.

I get that you hate where you are. I get that its worse cause she seems to be moving on without your permission, or at least setting up alternative options.

I have only two things to say (after that long setup)...

First, no relationship can survive a challenge unless you both address what is the root cause of the problem and how can it be solved.

And second, having lost three Big Loves of my life... there is life after The Breakup. It sucks. Sucks some more. Eventually it gets boring to be in that place. Eventually you meet one of the seven billion other people in the world who might just interest you.

It never happens as fast as you want it.. but it does happen.

Again... I've been in the deepest, darkest place there is. Twice. There is a lot of great life out of that place. I wouldn't say that if it wasn't just True.

[talaniman]

Its not a healthy relationship when you want to be with someone so bad you would end your life if that doesn't happen. Not healthy at all. That should be enough for you to seek help, and guidance with.

Understand that as the lust wears off there has to be something else to keep things going, and that's where your at. So instead of listening to the gossip of others, talk to your partner and tell her, no ask her how she feels about this relationship and where she wants it to go so you will know how she feels and not just what everyone else thinks. Communications is the key to working together, and that's what decides if its worth the effort or not. Not just the attachment you have formed in only 7 months, based only on good times and attraction, but how you deal with the not so good times.

You need to talk, and even more important, to listen. Simply put you are at the crossroad that all new relationships face, when the easy part, the honeymoon is over, and the real hard work of having a relationship begins. Not many survive when the good times are behind them, and they can't decide what comes next.

Talk and listen, and keep others out of your business.

[Guy14114]

Thank you all so much, you are all so helpful. I can't thank you all enough.

[Shadowburn]

There is no way to make anyone love you, or want you, or stay with you. You can't control how other people feel or act. Build you own busy, full and interesting life. Being emotionally healthy, you'll attract someone of the same kind, but no relationship comes with a guarantee, that's why you should never take anyone for granted.

[Guy14114]

I lost her, turns out she was cheating on me. She couldn't tell me and kept me along for the ride... I honestly don't know what to do.

[kp2171]

Well. Stop making it your fault. You didn't lose her.

She lost herself.

Trust me. I know about betrayal as well as anyone.

You didn't lose her. Its all on her.

You can be completely wrong for her and that alone won't make her cheat. She owns that mess all by herself.

[talaniman]

i lost her, turns out she was cheating on me. she couldnt tell me and kept me along for the ride...i honestly dont know what to do.

Disappear from her life and build one that makes you happy and do your own thing without her.

[answerme_tender]

Isn't a small part of you relieved. Now you know what kind of person you are dealing with. A cheater, she isn't worth your time. If you look around with clear eyes you might notice some other girls just waiting for a guy that knows how to treat a girlfriend right!!

[Guy14114]

Basically, to keep things short, my girlfriend and I have been having some troubles. A few months back she pretty much lied to me about going to a really small party at a guys house that I have been suspicous about. She ended up spending the night there and his parents were't even home. (im 18 btw) I put that one under the bridge, because I gave her a wake up call, we split up for a couple of weeks. Then of course we got back together, I love this girl with all my heart. She most likely didn't do anything, but who am I kidding? I don't really know for sure. That's 2 months behind us now and all of that is said and done, I put it under the bridge and so did she. Now she's been showing affection to me but it's kind of evening out to the same amount as before slowly, I can tell. I also have this gut feeling that there isn't something that she's telling me. To be honest there is little trust between us. Recently I've come to the conclusion just to not care anymore, deep down inside I do, but obviously this guy wants to be with her. They've been friends for 3 years and I feel that she's more comfortable with him than I. It sucks, it's not easy, but I'm just not going to give him that 'amunition anymore.' He knows he gets to me and makes me upset, hopefully by me not caring that will take the excitement out of things. If they do something now, I'm sure to hear of it. If she doesn't, good ill get to work on my relationship with her, but if she does I'll know I made the right decision and move on. There is so much more to include but I want to keep things brief. I know I'm young and there are plenty of girls out there, lol I'm well aware I don't need you to tell me that one, but I'm just a one girl kind of guy. I treat her like royalty and I've never giving her a reason to mistrust me which leaves me suspicous all the more. Am I making the right choice by doing all of this? I can explain more if any of you ask.

[Andrew916]

Tough situation man. I went through something really similar this year but we're back to trusting each other which is what really needs to happen in this situation. To me it kind of sounds like you're just waiting for something to happen between the other guy and your girl. You should talk to her. Have a 'heart to heart' so to speak. Maybe putting the over nighter in the past is just a temporary fix? If I were you I'd definitely have a talk with her and let her know how you feel. You can't fix what isn't out in the open. As it is you're waiting for things to get worse or stay the same, your not really working on improving the relationship. Eventually issues put behind you and buried will come to a head and it will hit the fan. It's best to address it now before it become a bigger point of contention. Good luck man I'm sure everything will work out for the best.

-Drew

[talaniman]

Trust once shaken as yours has been, takes a long time to regain, and a lot of work between you. Not unusual to have paranoid thoughts, and resentments as you move forward, but since you have forgiven her (but for sure will never forget) and taken her back, you don't get to make each other relive those feelings in the heat of the moment. Yes you have to rebuild trust, and confidence by communication moving forward, just to deal with your own fear, and insecurity that the other guy brings out in you.

Just a few questions though,

Do you see him, and does she still associate with this fellow?

Why did she stay overnight at his house? Her words, not yours.

[Sharealittle333]

How are you doing now?
After two years? :)