[daydreamer85]

I'm a fairly attractive 25 year old female who is currently engaged to a 32 year old male. Like all normal relationships we've hit a rough patch and I'm starting to wonder if we will be able to pull out of it. We've been together for the last 6-, almost seven years now and we currently live together. Earlier on in our relationship--up until two years ago, we would engage in sex/play every day. As the years went by, the sex rate has gone down from numerous times a day, to a couple of times a week... to once a week.. You get the picture.

Now I'm lucky if I get anything once a month--- If that! When we do actually have sex, I feel as though he is using it as a ploy to " shut me up" and keep me from nagging him about it. I honestly don't know what is going on with him. I take care of myself by working out, I eat healthy... I love experimenting/trying new things... I put the effort into planing out romantic evenings and buy sexy lingere, but nothing ever happens! What makes matters even worse is that he has stopped being affectionate or romantic towards me. It has now become more of a take-take-take kind of relationship where I feel like I'm not getting the emotional and physical attention that I deserve. He always expects felatio from me, yet he he is unwilling to please me in any kind of way. I always wind up pleasing him orally---with him winding up turning over to watch the television or sleeping.

His attitude towards me and our emotional/physical relationship has gotten me guessing the pin-point of his change in attitude. He has changed from one the most thoughtful, caring, romantic men that I have been with... to an insensitive prick. It's gotten so bad that I'm going around thinking any plausible reason possible... that he has either been cheating on me... or he's getting satisfaction somewhere else.

I found some rather explicit conversations that he supposedly has had with women in chatrooms on his work laptop. When I confronted him about it, he stated that he allows his co-workers to borrow his computer... and that one of them probably did it. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt... but there were certain details in the messages such as fetishes and preferences that hit a bit too close to home. Other than that... why would his co-workers put him in that position by using his log-in information--knowing that he has a girlfriend at home? It doesn't add up.

I want to trust him... but his current behaviour has got me going around in circles. I want to salvage our relationship, but at the same time I'm young, attractive and wonder if there is someone else out there to treat me like I deserve to be treated.

What should I do?

[Synnen]

You should TALK to him about what you're feeling.

And stop giving him fellatio.

He's getting everything HE wants, with no need to put out energy for it. Why SHOULD he?

Calmly sit him down, turn off the TV, tell him how you feel, and ask him for an explanation. Then LISTEN to him.

[CravenMorhead]

The basic questions first. Has he had any major stresses introduced such as a job loss, change in hours, death in the family/friends, or the like? What is his work schedule like? How tired is he? Is he taking drugs/smoking excessively/drinking excessively?

Do you notice him being away from the house a lot?

Something fishy, besides the mid relationship doldrums, is going on.

[talaniman]

I find it amazing that you are so willing to assume, presume, and pleasure him when you have questions to be answered, but can't talk about it.

You want to work things out, you HAVE to talk , and see what going on in his head, or body. There is an area of this relationship that needs work, and attention, and communications is how to find out, but if you take things personally you may be too distracted to pay attention and address some things you need to.

Something has changed, and you need to know what it is to make the right adjustments, based on facts and NOT assumptions, feelings, or FEAR!

[Homegirl 50]

You talk to him and stop pleasuring him. Don't allow him to abuse you in that manner.
Tell him he either talks and you guys can work through your problem or you will believe that he no longer wants to be with you (because that by his actions this is what he is saying) and you leave.

[lauraisaqt]

Stop giving him what he wants if you get nothing in return make it clear to him that you have needs just like his,do your own thing and see it that gets his attention?stop being needy!! and become strong and independent and if all this fails find someone that can give you what you need!!