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janellefell · Sep 6, 2008, 07:23 PM

I would never write about this but I feel like I have no where to go. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half and lived together for over a year now. He is 24 and I'm worried because he won't have sex with me anymore. I let it go not wanting to talk about it but its been over 2 months and nothing. Every time I want to talk about it he gets upset and won't tell me what's going on. He said since he has gained a little weight that its made him more tired but over 2 months I feel like that's no excuse. I know that he is not cheating on me because we have one car and I drive him everywhere and I know where he is always, which isn't a big deal but he won't even look at me the same. He used to look at me like there was no one else but me to make him happy but now that we don't ever have sex its different. He won't let me get close to his waist area without pushing my hand away and he won't touch me at all either. I beg to him consantly about it but he still won't do it. He's either tired or busy or doesn't feel like it but he watches porn all the time. I feel so lonely and unattractive and lost! I just need help! I love him a lot and try everyday but nothing! Is he having problems in that department but if so then why does he watch porn? Uh I'm so confused, What should I do?

Mom of 2 · Sep 6, 2008, 07:40 PM

That's a tough one, as it could be many reasons that he doesn't want to have sex. There could be medical reasons, although this may be unlikely since he is so young. It could be self-esteem related since he has gained weight. The key to any good relationship is communication. However, if he is unable to communicate with you, you may come across as being a nag, which will only worsen the situation. You can't force him to have sex with you either. If this situation continues, you will need to decide for yourself what your next steps are. No one else can make that determination. Yes, you may love him, but if you are not getting what you need in the relationship, it is not a healthy one. Hope that things will improve for you in the future, either with or without him.

talaniman · Sep 6, 2008, 08:25 PM

So you have been living together since 6 months into this relationship. Something has changed, so what is it. Any major points of contention? Work changes? KIDS!?

janellefell · Sep 6, 2008, 08:41 PM

We argue sometimes yes, but no kids, we do work at the same store but in different locations. Everything seems to be fine on the surface. He seems to be happy and wanting to make me happy but not sexually.

Synnen · Sep 6, 2008, 10:13 PM

Tell him that if he thinks that porn is a reasonable substitute for intimacy for you (and apparently he DOES, since he turns to that and it's affecting his relationship with YOU), then you'll be happy to go out and find a "pool boy" to take care of your needs, since your boyfriend isn't. Tell him you'd be happy to discuss your sex life together with him, but if he won't talk about it, and won't make changes, you'll do what it takes to get yours.

Betcha THAT gets his attention.

Choux · Sep 7, 2008, 04:25 PM

I don't think he feels like a man, he may feel like your son... that is causing him some problems. Being driven around... spending too much time with you, his partner(work and home)... no outside interests... being overly sensitive about his waistline. Then, turning to porn to be his "sexual partner" is making things worse.

I think he needs some therapy.