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    EliteMustardMan's Avatar
    EliteMustardMan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 21, 2010, 07:38 PM
    Girlfriend of 5 months is becoming depressed and confused me.
    Hello, Today I found my girlfriend of 5 months is becoming depressed and confused, she says she loves me and she doesn't want to hurt me. Before she left she started crying because she seems to always push away the people she loves. She didn't break up with me but she told me to try and help her through this part of the relationship. I love her so much.. end of course it hurts to hear that she wonders what it would be like to be friends. (we never were friends, we went strait to dating.) But then again she says she doesn't want to lose me because I'm worth fighting for... I don't know how to help her? And I need help.. Do I let her go before I get hurt or do I fight for her too..
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #2

    Aug 22, 2010, 07:19 AM

    Talk to her as a friend, is what she is saying. Look dates may be fun, holding hands, kissing cuddling, but she seems to need reassurance of something deeper than the surface feelings and needs a true friend to talk to.

    Does she have other friends she hangs with? Or other things she enjoys doing, with other people? Does she have unusual stresses in her life? You need to talk to her and ask the questions, and NOT fix things, but listen, and understand, and give love and support, not just as a boyfriend, or steady date, but as a friend who cares.

    Sure take it personally, and be afraid of being hurt, but that's not what being a friend is about is it? And that would be letting your own feeling get in the way of understanding hers.

    Relationships without that caring empathy for their partners needs generally are not happy ones, nor do they last, nor can they grow. Its never about fighting for your love, its always about building together, through honest communications.
    hbug's Avatar
    hbug Posts: 27, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Aug 23, 2010, 06:50 PM
    If she's only been like this a little while. It's probably because she's on her period, just saying

    But if it's been going on for a while. Try the friend thing. She'll probably realize that its not what she wants, because it really never is unless it was never meant to be in the fist place.

    Or you could tell her you don't want to give her up, because you love her too much and if she's still indesisive... is it worth it?
    EliteMustardMan's Avatar
    EliteMustardMan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Aug 25, 2010, 03:52 AM
    Hey guys okay, so now we broke up and were just friends. Im proving to her even though were still friends I'm always going to be there for her. But she says she really needs me right now, and to not let her down because she loves me
    adam_89's Avatar
    adam_89 Posts: 1,866, Reputation: 280
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    #5

    Aug 25, 2010, 04:54 AM

    It sounds like you are doing the right thing. Good man.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
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    #6

    Aug 25, 2010, 06:17 AM

    That was the smoothest dumping and moving to the friendzone that I have ever seen. Its cool if you are not looking to get back together, but if you are, being friends is not a priority.
    EliteMustardMan's Avatar
    EliteMustardMan Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Aug 25, 2010, 09:32 AM

    I forgot to say thank you. This really helped.
    beachloverjohn's Avatar
    beachloverjohn Posts: 491, Reputation: 242
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    #8

    Aug 25, 2010, 10:04 AM

    She sounds like she needs you to listen to her. Relationships only work when your lover is also your friend. So she needs the friend side of you right now. Believe me, if she loves you, she could not be "just friends" with you. Don't worry about it. And don't give up. The girl wants you..
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