[Melly89]

Hi all I am 21 his 25 been together year and a half sex I left some one for him he did the same sex was great at first all the time everyday now 6 month ago it started to slowly stop he sleeps at mine nearly every night but still won't have sex I beg and do thongs to start a mood for him but he pushes me off or away I feel like I'm not good enough he say he is tied there is always an excuss unless he is drunk we don't have sex he winges he wonts it so when I try he just pushes me off again I'm a size 8 to 10 he says I'm beautiful and sexy but still nothing I lay there and cry think it's me but I think some thong is going on help ne please!!

[Cat1864]

Melly, in the future to help us better understand what you are trying to communicate, please use punctuation.

Have you tried sitting down (any place other than the bedroom) and discussing your concerns? It is the first place to start because if you can't talk about it you really shouldn't be attempting to have sex.

You might try thinking about anything that has changed over the past six months that might be affecting his libido. Things like stress from work, school, family, friends, etc. money problems, drinking or using drugs, just being tired from long work/school 'days'. Perhaps your timing is off and you both need to find a time that fits your schedules. Understanding what might be affecting his libido can give you both things to work together on overcoming. One thing you should think about trying is backing off. If he is feeling pressured to have sex, it could be causing him to not want it.

Are you afraid he is moving on to someone new like he moved on to you while still involved with his ex? Is that causing you to be more concerned about his reluctance to have as much sex as you once did than you might be if your history was different?

Begin by talking WITH him.

[kp2171]

Wish there was a simple answer. There isn't.

On your side... you are feeling neglected. Its simple. We can complicate it all we want, but you need to be chased and he isn't doing this. It's that simple and that complicated.

...

On his side... if your drive is off from his... meaning if he is a morning guy and you are a late night girl, it can be as simple as different schedules.

He gets some break with being tired. It is absolutely a reasonable reason for being less driven... but all that said, it doesn't mean its right for you.

Most relationships experience some drop off over time... the sensual tension gives way to what is known and familiar.. so... some degree of lessened drive isn't all that abnormal.

You deserve to be chased. He deserved to be chased. I hope you both can find some middle ground.

[Jake2008]

Perhaps the chase part took place, while each of you was with someone else. When you both left your significant others, for each other, getting to that part sort of killed the game.

The initial euphoria, and sexual high was the crowning achievement of who knows how long the two of you wanted to be together, but weren't, because you were each with another.

Maybe this is a case of where the grass wasn't greener after all. Maybe he is having regrets. Maybe this is just the way it is- who knows. That he has cooled off in the bedroom recently, may simply mean he's tired, or bored, or who knows what.

I agree with Kat- you need to talk to him, and look a little deeper into the person, rather than the parts of the person.

[Melly89]

I agree I've talked to him about it heaps of times he just ends up yelling at me I told him yo leave last night cause I was over it and today he said hell stay over tonight and have sex with me well I'm looking at him right now and he is a sleep I try to get him in the mood bit pushes me away I just don't understand why say I'll come over and... But pushes me away or falls asleep I feel this will be the end of us if it happens tonight :(

[Chevy36]

OK I'm going to answer this from a guys point of view. I'm sure you are a beautiful girl and there obviously is something wrong with this guy but, some guys (including me) just get this way. At some point, things probably got routine for him or things in the relationship somewhere turned. Is the relationship good other then the sex? Also try surprising him with spontaneous things to try and spark back up some interest because he could just be used to the same things...

[Melly89]

Ok I have put sexy out fits on I have pranced around the room I ask to try new things he thinks it discutsting and if I by toys he will leave me he has said that to me he always say we will have sex in the morning but even then he doesn't argg I just feel useless and horiible cause I don't know way to do it's normally the girl who doesn't want sex but it's the other way around thus time If I do something to myself when he is here in the room he yells at me! I think he is gay I have asked him or if he is with someone els he says no! Help me please I can't do it any more by the way last night from 11 to 2am he argued with me cause I kept touching his... So I said leave my house I'm done he then got the pic I was serious and we had sex but it took that to get sex hmmmm...

[CravenMorhead]

I think it is time to re-evaluate your relationship. He is causing you grief, pain, and mental anguish. What is this relationship doing to increase your happiness.

It is a year and a half. That is a lot of time, but I honestly think you have wasted enough time on something that isn't making you happy. I think you need to move on to greener pastures. You have a lot of time to find that guy who will please you.

I am jumping to the " you might want to dump him" a little earlier than I usually do. This is because of amount of negativity that you're delivering upon yourself because of him. It isn't worth it and you don't have to live with it. If you don't you're going to be stuck with this for who knows how long. What is it going to do to you? Drive you to cheat. I know you say you won't but if you don't get your loving from him, where are you going to get it?

I think the best thing for your peace of mind, health, sanity, and happiness is to leave him.

Best of luck.

[Jake2008]

Why has it turned into 'sex or get out'. So, the threat actually worked this time. What about next time.

I think you are heading down the wrong path to accuse him of being gay because he does not want to have sex with you.

I really don't know why he stays to be honest with you.

It has been suggested that this isn't about you, at all. There is a problem in the relationship itself. Or, there could be a problem with him physically, or any number of things. But one thing is for sure, you cannot threaten someone and expect that will solve anything.

You didn't address any other possibilities to this problem, nor have you considered the fact that his needs (not to have pressure from you to perform) are also not being met. There is a bigger problem here than simply him not wanting to.

You don't back off, your motive, no matter what you do, or say you do- i.e. talk to him, not kick him out if he doesn't do what you want- is purely selfish, and as such, the problem persists.

You haven't once described your relationship in any other terms, other than what he can do for you. Maybe the lack of substance and the lack of quality in the relationship in other aspects is taking a backseat and caused by, your incessant pressure.

I don't know why you refuse advice offering to help you solve the end result, which is a lack of sex drive, and instead continue to focus on him being the cause of your unhappiness.

I hope that for whatever reason(s) he has for not having/wanting/needing sex with you can be resolved, but clearly it won't be with you, as you have pointed out, over and over again.

I think too you should move on, and find a more superficial, less adult relationship to satisfy your needs.

Just my opinion.

[Cat1864]

Ok I have put sexy out fits on I have pranced around the room I ask to try new things he thinks it discutsting and if I by toys he will leave me he has said that to me he always say we will have sex in the morning but even then he doesn't argg I just feel useless and horiible cause I don't know way to do it's normally the girl who doesn't want sex but it's the other way around thus time If I do some thing to my self wen he is here in the room he yells at me!! I think he is gay I have asked him or if he is with someone els he says no! Help me please I can't do it any more btw last night from 11 to 2am he argued with me cause I kept touching his....... So I said leave my house I'm done he then got the pic I was serious and we had sex but it took that to get sex hmmmm...

I highlighted a huge red flag in your post. You aren't taking 'no' for an answer and he is playing some type of game of his own. I don't know why he is spending nights at your place. It has me questioning his living conditions and if he is using you and your house as a hotel. Does he have another place to sleep?

Kick him out of your life. Get a toy or two and have fun by yourself. You shouldn't be having sex with someone who is trying to control your personal actions and who you have to 'force'/'coerce' into intercourse.

[kp2171]

It is so over. Or needs to be.

Unless you like the idea of always being the aggressor... of a having to claw and push and twist until he finally concedes and lets you have sex... maybe... or... it has to be over.

Please.

Seriously.

I've stayed far too long in a relationship because of time invested. Because maybe if I worked harder it could be fixed. In fine with saying sometimes you need to do a little extra work just to say "i did all i can"...

Leave this guy.

He yells at you when you want to talk about sex.

So...

... yeah...

I got nothing.

Troubles in bed happen in many relationships... there are lows and ruts and off times. Happens. But here... its too much, too soon, and he is too unavailable and uninterested.

Sex now has become something that you must fight for.

So how is that working out? Are you lost in the moment? Lost in him? Is he letting go of everything and fully appreciating you in that great moment you are sharing?

Its fine for one partner to be more driven now and then. Its fine to go along when you maybe aren't all that interested because pleasing your partner pleases you. But... it doesn't sound like his pleasing you is anywhere on the radar.