[toto99ah]

You are going to hurry into a disaster. The ticking is a timebomb in this case.

This won't be the first time

[martinizing2]

How did you like it the other times? Are you getting comfortable with misery?

Maybe if I stick my finger in that plug one more time I won't get shocked!

You are not thinking this out. And your children will be affected also.

Drink the koolaide if you insist.

[toto99ah]

How did you like it the other times? Are you getting comfortable with misery?

Maybe if I stick my finger in that plug one more time I won't get shocked!!

You are not thinking this out. And your children will be affected also.

Drink the koolaide if you insist.

Okay, so what should I do when I'm almost 40 now---and no, I don't want artficial insemmination.
By the way, I spoke with him this morning----he openly spoke with me about his ex.
This isn't wishful thinking on my part, but he was willing to answer my questions . He said he hated her boyfriend because he was a sleaze to do what he did and that that says a lot about his character and so on. He said he wished he hadn't stayed that extra year because it cost him a lot of money that he could be using now, etc.
He said she wasn't even the real love of his love-----that his real love was Hungarian girl he'd met back in 1993 or so... He said that he hurted for his daughter and, well, you all know the rest.


Although I must say maybe you guys are right----afterall, I have been looking for other men lately. I've been tempted... to see if I can find other guys to date. Of course, I won't tell him.

[martinizing2]

That's a good idea except the part where you become a deceitful liar.
I don't see where that is advantageous to further burden yourself with what will almost surly blow up on you.

You do not need to bring a child into a hastily built façade of a relationship that can emotionally cripple you, the currant children,and a new one.
It is hard to give up a dream. But it is worse to live in a nightmare .

You are looking so hard for the path you want, you're not seeing the cliff you are about to step off. Again.

Again. HARSH WARNING!!

You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of making this work until you forget about the ticking, and worry about reality of building a healthy relationship.


May God help you make the best decision for you and the others involved.

I wish you happiness.

[toto99ah]

That's a good idea except the part where you become a deceitful liar.
I don't see where that is advantageous to further burden yourself with what will almost surly blow up on you.

You do not need to bring a child into a hastily built facade of a relationship that can emotionally cripple you, the currant children,and a new one.
It is hard to give up a dream. But it is worse to live in a nightmare .

You are looking so hard for the path you want, you're not seeing the cliff you are about to step off. Again.

Again. HARSH WARNING!!!

You don't have a snowball's chance in hell of making this work until you forget about the ticking, and worry about reality of building a healthy relationship.


May God help you make the best decision for you and the others involved.

I wish you happiness.

I agree with all you say----unfortunately, it seems I don't learn(which explains why I still go through all this **** and I'm 40).
I just wish I could stop worrying about the ticking. If that were taken care of, I wouldn't be tripping so much on a relationship---that I do know for sure.
But for now the reality is that I'm being an idiot and continue to do so.
He really is a great guy---very sweet, etc(at least AT THIS POINT, so I'm well aware that that he could turn into Mr. Hyde).
!!

[liveok]

Have you ever read the book "he's just not that into you?" it may become your bible. I mean this in the most sympathatic way possible. Also, a month can be quick to move in together, or it can seem like an eternity. Only you know if it's the right choice. But before you jump into getting pregnant, consider what your life will be like if things with you and him don't work out. This coming from a single mom fighting an ex over custody and visitation... its a battle no person should ever have to or want to go through. Remember that you deserve to be happy and perhaps having a baby after 40 isn't the road to happiness for you. Don't jump before you look at what you are jumping in. best of luck!

[toto99ah]

have you ever read the book "he's just not that into you?" it may become your bible. I mean this in the most sympathatic way possible. Also, a month can be quick to move in together, or it can seem like an eternity. Only you know if its the right choice. But before you jump into getting pregnant, consider what your life will be like if things with you and him dont work out. this coming from a single mom fighting an ex over custody and visitation...its a battle no person should ever have to or want to go through. Remember that you deserve to be happy and perhaps having a baby after 40 isnt the road to happiness for you. Dont jump before you look at what you are jumping in. best of luck!

From what you read in my intro, do think he's really not into me?

[toto99ah]

Well, it happened----on the 20th I found out I am pregnant.

I thought----or at least hoped that, since he'd been so attentive and nice to me this past month, he'd be happy to hear I'm pregnant.
On the 21st I showed him the test strip----HE WAS NOT AT ALL HAPPY. HIS FIRST REACTION WAS TO REPEATEDLY SAY: "BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE ON THE PILL!"
I was so upset and angry, that I told him to take me home. After much arguing, he took me home.
My suspicions were confirmed: he never wanted me to live with him(he'd previously talked about it a lot, but never took action to make it happen. And I told myself even of that was true, my priority was to become pregnant---and if he didn't want me, then **** him). But when I told him I'm pregnant and he reacted like that, I was ENRAGED. I TOLD HIM THAT ALL HE CARED ABOUT WAS HIS OTHER PIECE-OF-SHOT DAUGHTER AND THAT HE NEVER CARED ABOUT ME. He then said he did want me to live with him---but I knew he was lying.
I stayed home all day and wondered how I'll take care of a baby when I'm indigent(yes, I know, I should've thought about all this BEFORE---but I just wanted a baby so muuch, that at the time it didn't matter. But now I'm mad that heis unhappy and does not love me).
He later texted me a lot and said he'd thought about it and that he was sorry for his unhappy reaction and asked me to come live with him, and claimed he loved me.
But I didn't believe him. He called me, but I was still so mad, that I cussed him out. Then later I told him I'd think about it---i really just wanted to see him be more assertive and not take my "no" for an answer and really come get me and prove that he wanted me and the baby. I told him to call the next day(today) at 12:00 P.M. He said he'd do so.
But today, by 1:00 p.m. he still never called me( before the pregnancy, he ALWAYS called excatly when he said he would and was always on time). So I knew he had again changed his ****ing mind. I was so furious, that I called him and cussed him out. He lamely said, " well I was gonna call you soon....I said I'd call you midday and midday isn't till 2 or so...."
I cussed and cussed him and said he was making excuses
And he is a big ****ing liar.
I kept tellinh him that he didn't want me living with him, or he would have been a lot more aggressive, etc.
He kept lamely saying that isn't true, but if that's what I wanted to believe, then fine( now I really knew he didn't want me anymore, because in the start of our dating, when I got angry with him, he called repeatedly and sent me roses and kept calling again after that).
I was so angry that I kept calling him names and arguing with him.
He kept lamely saying that he wanted me to live with him----But I knew he was lying.
I kept hanging up on him---and I kept caling him back, demanding to know why he didn't call me after I hung up---a big mess.
I'm so alone and poor and frustrated with him , that I agreed to let him pick me up tonight( all of a sudden he was unwilling to come earlier, because he wanted to have "alone time" with his daughter. I told him that if he really loved me, he wouldn't want "alone" time with his daughter and that he'd want me to be with him and his daughter.
Anyway, I agreed to let him pick me up tonight at 8---but I know that in reality he does not want me living with him and does not even want me anymore.
I am miserable.


I know I did what I did by becoming pregnant---and I din't regret that at all. It's just that he doesn't want me.

[eightzeros]

Dear toto, please allow yourself to relax. I know that you feel down thinking that he doesn't want you & I know that it doesn't feel good when things don't go your way.

Take a few days off your work if you can afford & if not then give yourself complete attention when you finish your day & think what do you want to make of the situation?

We can't make people love us or make them do things the way we want. Right now you are pregnant so think of 9 months coming ahead & take a few days to think whether you want to do it or not? Either way if you know what you want, you would be happy at the end.

Life may seem out of control & order but it is always going to be all right as long as you know how to land on your feet. Leave this guy alone & let him grow out of his experience.

You are an important person yourself & you need to make sure that you don't neglect yourself. He has known you for only a month but you have spend time being you for 40 years, at this point in life only you can support & cherish yourself 100%. You know the best what do you want in life.

Please don't feel down & try to think that all will be well.

I know that you want to have a loving family of your own & to bring up children but then toto again family can be in any form, you don't necessarily need all the roles in placed to embark on a journey called; family life.

Love yourself, do things you like, get off internet, spend time outdoors, spend time in friends & let yourself to grow happiness within yourself & by yourself.

I know that you are worried about the baby coming & your bf's non- serious attitude, but at this point what matters is you & the baby. Your boyfriend is a grown up & can take care of himself, just focus how you want things to be for yourself & the coming baby.

Wishing you a healthy life & lots of smile.

Hugs,

[FoxCash]

On the off chance that you're not a troll I'm going to attempt to reply to your last post.

I thought----or at least hoped that, since he'd been so attentive and nice to me this past month, he'd be happy to hear i'm pregnant.

You two only have known each other a MONTH! I don't know anyone that would be happy to hear someone they knew for a month was pregnant. Heck, I don't know anyone who would be all that thrilled to be pregnant when only knowing someone a month!

HE WAS NOT AT ALL HAPPY. HIS FIRST REACTION WAS TO REPEATEDLY SAY: "BUT YOU SAID YOU WERE ON THE PILL!"

While it takes two to tango, if you did lie to him about this it says a whole lot about you.

My suspicions were confirmed: he never wanted me to live with him(he'd previously talked about it a lot, but never took action to make it happen. And I told myself even of that was true, my priority was to become pregnant---and if he didn't want me, then **** him).

You're upset that he may have only wanted you for sex and didn't want you to move in with him AFTER A MONTH but at the same time you were only using him for your attempt to get pregnant. You're no better than he is. I'm almost inclined to say you are worse since you deliberately wanted to involve an innocent child into the mix of this.

I TOLD HIM THAT ALL HE CARED ABOUT WAS HIS OTHER PIECE-OF-SHOT DAUGHTER AND THAT HE NEVER CARED ABOUT ME.

Did you really call his daughter a piece of ****? Are you serious? His Daughter is someone he is supposed to love and care about BEFORE anyone. Before his ex, before you, before his next more stable girlfriend, ANYONE. The fact that you can say that about someone innocent in this mess makes me fear for the unborn child in this, if you are for real.

I stayed home all day and wondered how i'll take care of a baby when i'm indigent(yes, i know, i should've thought about all this BEFORE---but i just wanted a baby so muuch, that at the time it didn't matter.

Now it makes sense, you talked about him having money twice in all your threads. They had no place in this but the truth is that you were using him to get you pregnant, not because you loved him either. But because he had MONEY.

I told him to call the next day(today) at 12:00 P.M. He said he'd do so.
But today, by 1:00 p.m., he still never called me( before the pregnancy, he ALWAYS called excatly when he said he would and was always on time).

I wouldn't call you either. If you are pregnant, his best bet is to wait until the child is born and the file through court. And deal with you only through court.

because in the start of our dating, when i got angry with him, he called repeatedly and sent me roses and kept calling again after that).

This says a lot about a relationship that was only going on for a MONTH.

I was so angry that i kept calling him names and arguing with him.
I kept hanging up on him---and i kept caling him back, demanding to know why he didn't call me after i hung up---a big mess.

How old are you? You called him names and got mad when at him when YOU hung up on him? He should have either turned the ringer off or called the police and tell them you're harassing him.

( all of a sudden he was unwilling to come earlier, because he wanted to have "alone time" with his daughter. I told him that if he really loved me, he wouldn't want "alone" time with his daughter and that he'd want me to be with him and his daughter.

Why on earth would he want you around his daughter who you called a "Piece of ****"? If he cares about his daughter like he should he should never want you around her again.

I know I did what i did by becoming pregnant---and i din't regret that at all. It's just that he doesn't want me.

You don't regret lying to him to become pregnant? You don't regret the fact that you only choose him to get you pregnant because he had money?

I'm praying you are nothing but a troll whose bored and this is all a lie. At least then there wouldn't be an innocent child involved in this ugly mess you created for your own selfish reasons.

If you're not a troll you need to get therapy to deal with your various issues. You need more help than this place can give you.

[Starry nights]

Foxcash--thanks for saying all that I wanted so precisely.

Again,if you are a troll,you'll fall off your chair laughing at the seriousness with which we all are replying to your fantastically created posts.Congrats.In fact why don't you try your hand at writing television drama that's sometimes almost as bad as the situation you've created here?

I am more worried if you aren't a troll.In that case,OP--what a disastrous situation.What were you thinking?Weren't you even reading what everybody here's been almost shouting at you?A relationship of a MONTH and you get pregnant?And you blame others for that?Are you under medication or something?If not,please check yourself into therapy,you need it.

I feel so mad about your post,I feel my hands shaking as I write.How on earth can you even dare to bring a child into this world based on lies,deceit and a complete mess?How can you abuse a ten-year old child and hold anything against her father for wanting to spend alone time with her?Do you even know how neurotic and immature and crazy you sound?

You have serious problems OP.Sort out your life and head before you mess up other people's lives and especially the life of your unborn child,for whom I pray to God.

[toto99ah]

THANK YOU for your beautiful response.
You made your point without being judgmental, harsh, or cruel.
Yes, I've asked for the blunt truth----but there's a way to be blunt without being so effing harsh, unlike all the people before you.
You have gotten to the heart of the matter and made your point in a straight-out, yet kind manner.
And I really welcome your further help to me-----in fact, I look forward to it.
And yes, things are going awfully.
Eversince I told him I'm pregnant, he has been miserable. And eversince I moved in with him, He has had blocks----I do care about him, but he seems to push me away by his actions. I've told him this , and he has actually admitted I'm right.
I suggested couples counseling and he agreed.
He gives me support in this pregnancy. I do care for him, but I have so many doubts that he wants me to live with him---he's been so hesitant and tortured about giving me keys, and he still is.
What kind of love is this?

No woman wants her boyfriend ---or pregnancy----to be this way.
I hoped for love and happiness, despite his bad financial situation.
But he has been so happy. He keeps blaming me. But I told him it's just as much his fault---he always said he wanted another child---a son, and on and on. So I became pregnant.
Now he accuses me, saying he "meant much later, not now."


Well he NEVER mentioned that part!
I am filled with sorrow---and worried about the health of this pregnancy.
He supports me---but I can't get over how unhappy he is. And eversince last Saturday, I've yelled at him in rage and we've argued.

[Cat1864]

Have you been to the doctor yet to have the pregnancy confirmed?

Did you really expect him to be happy about a possible pregnancy with a woman who calls his daughter names and thinks only about what she wants instead of what would be best for everyone concerned? A woman he has known for less than two months, now.

I hope he isn't having sex with you until the pregnancy is confirmed by a doctor and a the due date is established IF you are pregnant. I also hope he has talked to the doctor and is not relying on just you for his information.

You keep asking about love-what kind of love this is. It isn't love. You haven't given love a chance to form and grow. It is lust and maybe friendship. It is an emotional game of Twister. Instead of creating and building a strong foundation, you have a tangled web of intentions, out right lies, half-truths, mis-understandings, blackmail, etc. Counseling MIGHT help if you ever learn to face up to how horribly wrong you have handled this and how unrealistic your expectations are.

Do you really think he should give up time with his daughter for time with you or include you in his time with his daughter? He hasn't known you that long.

As a person who had a single father who dated, I can tell you that daughters need time with their fathers. I try to make sure that my daughter gets time with her father and we are very much in love, married and living together.

[mystific]

I have read and re-read this topic and the comments made and have to commend those who've been amazing in attempting to try and help you out.

I believe in essence you two were only going to be a one night stand that sadly went terribly askew.

You got what you wanted. You're pregnant, congratulations, leave the poor guy and get on with it. I too would blame you. Granted I would think, were I a man, this wouldn't of happened as there are these wonderful things called, condoms, that can be purchased over the counter, virtually anywhere.

I realise and apologise in advance to anyone who finds this offensive in anyway, but toto99ah, you are the type of woman who give women a bad name. You tarnish the very essence of what we bring to this world as the most singular unique experience only women (and mammals) can bring.

It saddens me that because of women like you, that 'next' guy I may meet, might just be brow beaten enough to not even give me the benefit of the doubt because of someone like you. Manipulative, greedy, selfish and uncaring.

[QLP]

All this focus on you. What you want and expect from a man. What he should be doing to show he loves you.

What does he get out of it? He gets tricked into fathering a child. He gets a girlfriend who is jealous of his existing child and calls her abusive names. He gets phonecalls to yell at him. He gets hung up on and expected to be the one to make things right. He moves you in and gets constantly yelled at.

And you wonder why he is miserable. And you get angry with him about that.

I know you are frustrated but perhaps a little empathy for the guy might help. Try putting yourself in his shoes for a minute. Or his daughters.

I really hope that by the time this baby is born your thought vocabulary has expanded beyond 'me.'

Sorry if this is harsh but if you hope to have a cat in hells chance of making things better you have to open your eyes and your heart to the fact that other people have needs and feelings too.

[Homegirl 50]

WOW! You are 40 years old?
You sound like a confused teen.
First you say all this man talks about is sex, but you give it to him. All you talk about is wanting to have a baby. He used you for sex and you used him.
I don't blame him for not wanting you to move in. He does not really know you and you sound a bit psycho.
You got yourself pregnant by a man you hardly know, you don't like his child and you want to boo hoo because he's not happy. Get real!
You are a grown woman (if in fact this is real) Get your own place and you two come to an understanding about the baby (if there is a baby).
You weaseled this man, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
I find it hard to believe this is even true.

[emopunk7]

This situation is one of the most frightening stories I've ever read!


Notice how OP states that no other guy lasted more than 2 dates with her? I see why now.


Let's see... I have called him and his daughter names. I bother him daily to let me move in. I call him and argue and hang up on him. I also managed to make him get me pregnant. I did this in 1 month. Can someone please help me understand why he doesn't love me and why he is miserable? (lol)

[Alty]

Wow! As I sit here reading this mess, I really wish the site would allow me to curse. Sadly I have to be nice... ish.

Harshness alert.

It's already been said, but I feel it must be said again, just so you know that the majority of people on this site, think you're a psycho, if not a troll. I'm leaning towards troll. If you're not a troll, you need more help than anyone on this site can give. Check yourself into a mental institution now and get the help you so desperately need.

Also, if you're 40, just a little tip, ever since is two words, not one! Don't home school this child if you are in fact pregnant.

If you keep this crap up, your unborn child will only be seeing you during visiting hours at the local mental hospital. Personally, if I was the guy, I'd wait until the child was born, sue you for custody, and kick your a$$ out. No court in the world will deny him, especially if they see these posts. Sadly I don't think they need them, you seem to do a very good job of proving you have issues in real life.

You met this guy online and he actually contacted you? Were you having a good day that day? Taking your meds?

Yes, I'm being mean, because if your posts are true, I'm sick to my stomach with the thought that you are going to bring a child into this world, and that you will have access to the child that is already in this world, his daughter.

I'm betting you're a troll though, and I doubt you're 40. I'd guess 16, bored, on summer break, not at all hot (like you've mentioned time and time again), with no life. If that's the case. Shame on you! Either way, you have issues, get them dealt with.

Bye now, happy trolling. :(

[Kitkat22]

One word if you're a troll... Therapy.

If you're not a troll... Intense Therapy and an attitude adjustment.

[toto99ah]

Foxcash--thanks for saying all that I wanted so precisely.

Again,if you are a troll,you'll fall off your chair laughing at the seriousness with which we all are replying to your fantastically created posts.Congrats.In fact why dont you try your hand at writing television drama thats sometimes almost as bad as the situation you've created here?

I am more worried if you arent a troll.In that case,OP--what a disastrous situation.What were you thinking?Werent you even reading what everybody here's been almost shouting at you?A relationship of a MONTH and you get pregnant?And you blame others for that?Are you under medication or something?If not,please check yourself into therapy,you need it.

I feel so mad about your post,I feel my hands shaking as I write.How on earth can you even dare to bring a child into this world based on lies,deceit and a complete mess?How can you abuse a ten-year old child and hold anything against her father for wanting to spend alone time with her?Do you even know how neurotic and immature and crazy you sound?

You have serious problems OP.Sort out your life and head before you mess up other people's lives and especially the life of your unborn child,for whom I pray to God.

I know i asked for the truth and straight answers----but i never asked for insults.
What a ****ing ****---and hypocrite you are. Is this **** advice----or insults? And who the **** do you think you are, throwing stones? And are you any better? What, you never make bad choices? Are you on this site trying to make money for all the cruelties you---and these other heartless losers---are throwing ?
I asked for the truth---not for ****-cruel jabs and insults that you and your equally hypocritical ******* buddies have chosen to toss in your "WORDS OF WISDOM."
There is a way to be blunt and straight-forward without all the mean-spiritedness that you *******s have chosen to go about this.
I can understand well-meaninig advice and comments meant to help someone. I can even understand being crircal in a helpful manner. But what you dirt-bags have posted here is out of line.
I hope that none of you have any children now or in the future---and if you do, i absolutely hope your children---who are not and/or would not be any better than their parents----are miscarried or die terrible deaths after birth. You people are no better than a bunch of hayenas fallen on a piece of meat. All i asked for was advice and opinions. But apparently, opinions, like you, are like *******s---everyone has one.