My boyfriend and I have been together for about a month.
We met on-line.
I've been in one failed relationship after another. No guy has stuck around beyond 2 dates. But I've been with guy for over a month.
When we first met, I told him I am sexual, but also want a long term, real relationship and hope for a small family one day. I am 40, so (unbeknown to him) I am quite desperate to have a child(the natural way).
From the first date, he repeatedly mentioned sex, sex, sex. He has previously been married and has 1 ten-year old daughter. His ex wife cheated on him. He said he's been totally over her and then was seeing a new woman 6 months ago, but it didn't work out.
I told him that if he wanted sex, then he must get tested for diseases. He willingly did so. But I also told him that all he ever did was talk about sex and that I wanted a relationship of more than just sex.
For our first time, he took me on a romantic weekend getaway. But the sex was boring and awful.
From the beginning, he talked about how much he loved me and wanted me to live with him.But he only talked about it and NEVER took action to actually move me into his apartment.
He has introduced me to his parents and to his daughter.
He has bought me jewellry.
He is VERY affectionate in private and in public.
He always tells me how hot and pretty I am.
He always tells me how very much he misses me. He always takes my calls.
He texts me a lot while I'm at work.
But he has never taken action to move me in with him.
Finally a few days ago I was so frustrated and bothered, that I talked to him about it.
He insisted that he wants me to live with him. But AGAIN, he left it at that and never took any action.
Then yesterday I was so angry and frustrated, that I got into an argument with him.
He again insisted that he wants me to live with him and asked me to spend the weekend at his apartment so that we could "discuss it" and set a date.
I said okay, but later called him and told him: NO. No, I will not pack my stuff every weekend to his place and then come back to my place and unpack, just because he seems to be HEDGING. I told him that if he had really wanted me to live with him, then he would have asked me to move in with him--not have me just spend another weekend with him to "discuss it."
He denied it and said that he did want me to live with him. But I just don't believe him.
I also told him that he never discusses his past with me---and he NEVER asks me about myself. He claims he "loves" me, but never asks me about myself---and that really bothers me.
He listens and acknowledges all that, but then he still never takes action to move me in and still never asks me about myself and never opens up to me.
I am so frustrated and sick of it all. I've argued my needs, I've kindly and patiently discussed my needs, but he never changes to fulfill my needs.
He is caring, considerate, so affectionate, always prompt, always acts like he's really into me, has introduced me to some of his family(but none of his friends). But he still does not fulfill the needs that I've repeatedly discussed with him.
I'm so frustrated.
It's not that I'm moving too fast----HE is the one who initialized and brought up the subject of living together, HE is the one who claimed to "love" me from the second date, HE is the one who talked about baby names and said how much he wants a son with me( but no more lately). So since HE was the one who brought up all these things, then I feel like he should follow through.
I really am frustrated and sick over all this .
PLEASE GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK or WHATEVER you feel I should know.I am very open.
Thank you!

Hi, toto99ah!

If the two of you met online, is some of what you've written about above the things that you also discussed online, please?

Thanks!

Blunt:

Your both desperate

Him: for sex
You: for a relationship (biological clock is ticking loudly)

Need for someone else to make suggestions.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clough

Hi, toto99ah!

If the two of you met online, is some of what you've written about above the things that you also discussed online, please?

Thanks!

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We did meet on-line, but what do you mean?
In my profile I did post exactly what I like and do not like in a man, what I will and will not tolerate, my goals( to have a baby), etc.
I know he read those things---all of them, before he initially wrote me and introduced himself.
His first letter to me stated how much he agreed with my profile, and so on.
What do you think?

You've been together for "about" a month. I think you're trying to move to fast. While he may want you to move in but maybe not right away. Why not give it some time and have you two together for more than a month?

Does he have his daughter full time or Part time? If his daughter stays with him at all it may be part of why he is hesitating to have you move in so soon.

I can understand wanting to have a baby and start a family but to rush into things with someone you haven't known very long at all can turn out quite bad.

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Originally Posted by FoxCash

You've been together for "about" a month. I think you're trying to move to fast. While he may want you to move in but maybe not right away. Why not give it some time and have you two together for more than a month?

Does he have his daughter full time or Part time? If his daughter stays with him at all it may be part of why he is hesitating to have you move in so soon.

I can understand wanting to have a baby and start a family but to rush into things with someone you haven't known very long at all can turn out quite bad.

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Hi.
Actually, it's good to have a man's opinion.
But here's the thing: HE is the one who brought up all this stuff in the first place.
So I don't think I'm moving too fast.
He----not me---mentioned living together, etc. to begin with. So After a while, I became worried and angry when he took no steps to actually make it happen.
As for his daughter, he has her part time----but now that's it's summer, he has her all the time, every single day.
By the way, all he ever constantly talks about is how hot I am. Then last night on the phone, he said that he wants to take me to his daughter's school function, this month, because " wait till everyone sees (him) walk in with me----won't they all stand up and take notice and be jealous." And he really kept saying it. He said: "If they all thought he was heart-broken when she(the ex) moved in the new boyfriend, well wait'll they all see (me), then they'll see who really got the better end of THIS bargain! HA!" So what does all that mean?

First, it's only been a month. That's not much time to know someone well enough to be in love and moving in together.

It also sounds like he may not through healing from his divorce if he is taking pleasure in the hope of causing jealousy to his ex by being with you.

I would go cautiously and slowly if I were you. The signs are there that you may be being used for sex and revenge.

You need to slow down and avoid moving in with anybody until you know each other much better.

There are red flags here you need to investigate before going any farther is my advice.

Actually. He did state that his ex will be out of town during the daughter's school function, so that's why he will be attending and taking the daughter.
Now, I have many times asked him if he is over his ex( because I previously dated a guy who, when I asked him, he said he WAS NOT). He said "OH, yeah, I'm over her. I stopped loving her before we divorced, because she cheated on me twice. The reason we married is because I didn't want my daughter to grow up without a family."
Yes, I have earlier feared he wasn't over her. But I asked him and he said "yes" he was.
He has dated another(but only one) woman after her for about a year or so. It didn't work out.
So I want to know how he really feels----yes, I know you guys will tell me to ask him. But advice from people who are not connected is more accurate.
I always welcome your opinions.

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Originally Posted by martinizing2

First, it's only been a month. That's not much time to know someone well enough to be in love and moving in together.

It also sounds like he may not through healing from his divorce if he is taking pleasure in the hope of causing jealousy to his ex by being with you.

I would go cautiously and slowly if I were you. The signs are there that you may be being used for sex and revenge.

You need to slow down and avoid moving in with anybody until you know each other much better.

There are red flags here you need to investigate before going any farther is my advice.

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Yes, I've considered that he might not be over her.
During the first date and after that, I asked him.
He answered without hesitation that he was over her.
My real fear is that he's using me for sex----it's all he talks about! SEX SEX SEX!
So I've repeatedly told him I want a relationship of more than sex. He has not really slowed down, but he has willingly taken me to dinner with his daughter and not really mentioned sex----and today we are to go to dinner and "kiss and hug and talk." (granted, on my insistence that we share things about himself... because he has not previously talked that much of his personal past and it's been bothering me).
Also. He previously had a lot of money( in entertainment industry----no, not an actor-- but lately it's been a problem for him.
??

The ex may be gone but how many others will see you that will report to the ex?

Even if he says he is over her his actions ,to me, say he is not.

Communication is vital in a relationship. But it must also be honest. Full brutal honesty.

Then is what they say, the same as what they do?

How a person acts is a good indicator of how they feel.

You (naturally) are looking for the answers you want. Don't overlook the reality to fill a fantasy.

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Originally Posted by martinizing2

The ex may be gone but how many others will see you that will report to the ex?

Even if he says he is over her his actions ,to me, say he is not.

Communication is vital in a relationship. But it must also be honest. Full brutal honesty.

Then is what they say, the same as what they do?

How a person acts is a good indicator of how they feel.

You (naturally) are looking for the answers you want. Don't overlook the reality to fill a fantasy.

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Do you think that he is not over his Ex or he is not over what she did to him---cheated?
Here is the thing: He has many times told me that he never wants to see the boyfriend, because he is a cheating dirtbag who took another man's wife. And to this day, when the boyfriend is the potential step father of this daughter and living with her and her mom, he still refuses to meet the boyfriend. So what do you think? Be honest.
Honestly do you think he is still into his Ex?

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Originally Posted by toto99ah

Do you think that he is not over his Ex or he is not over what she did to him---cheated?
Here is the thing: He has many times told me that he never wants to see the boyfriend, because he is a cheating dirtbag who took another man's wife. And to this day, when the boyfriend is the potential step father of this daughter and living with her and her mom, he still refuses to meet the boyfriend. So what do you think? Be honest.
Honestly do you think he is still into his Ex?

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Oh, and he has previously told me that after the divorce, he did have major trust issues, due to the cheating.

If I didn't say it in one of the previous posts I meant to.
No I don't think he is over her. And will not be for some time yet.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by martinizing2

If I didn't say it in one of the previous posts I meant to.
No I don't think he is over her. And will not be for some time yet.

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May I ask you why you think it is HER he's not over---and it's not just what she did?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by martinizing2

If I didn't say it in one of the previous posts I meant to.
No I don't think he is over her. And will not be for some time yet.

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Because of what you said, I'm almost tempted to have you act like you're some flower/messenger service, call him, tell him you're trying to drum up business by giving away free messeges, and so you're giving him a free messege to anyone in his past that he may want to send a note to---and see who he sends it to.
You know, a "no purchase necessary" free messege to anyone of his choice."So sir, is there a messege/telegram you would like me to send to anyone from your past? Strictly confidential and no strings attached. This is absolutely free with no further telemarketing from this company, unless you choose us for your future telegrams."

e

Quote:

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Originally Posted by toto99ah

" wait till everyone sees (him) walk in with me----won't they all stand up and take notice and be jealous." And he really kept saying it. He said: "If they all thought he was heart-broken when she(the ex) moved in the new boyfriend, well wait'll they all see (me), then they'll see who really got the better end of THIS bargain! HA!" So what does all that mean?

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This is revenge to him. This will hurt her and cause her to be jealous.

If he were truly over her it wouldn't matter. He would walk up to her and her boyfriend and introduce you.

But he will not acknowledge the boyfriend because he helped break them up.
He resents him being with her.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by toto99ah

Because of what you said, I'm almost tempted to have you act like you're some flower/messenger service, call him, tell him you're trying to drum up business by giving away free messeges, and so you're giving him a free messege to anyone in his past that he may want to send a note to---and see who he sends it to.
You know, a "no purchase necessary" free messege to anyone of his choice."So sir, is there a messege/telegram you would like me to send to anyone from your past? Strictly confidential and no strings attached. This is absolutely free with no further telemarketing from this company, unless you choose us for your future telegrams."

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LOl No. You need to let go. And move on,

Quote:

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Originally Posted by martinizing2

LOl No. You need to let go. And move on,

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You mean I should break up with him ----move on in that way?

Extreme Harshness Warning. I do mean extreme!!


Did you not learn from experience that a couple of dates don't make for long term relationships? Have you not learned just from the words and actions that this fellow is NOT partner material, let alone a good idea to be the father of your children.

You are without a doubt, moving to fast and carelessly for any good to come of this month long disaster and to willing to believe any BS he throws at you to get in your pants.

You are to desperate to make a good choice. Yes cut this crap out. What's the matter with you? Running around like an idiot looking for a man to give her babies. Get real with yourself. You are too out of control my dear, and better slow down, and do things right, and take a lot more care to pick a good man for yourself, and a great father for your kids.

I am sure that it takes more than going to bed with a guy who answered your profile online, and for sure a lot lnger than a month to even find out if he is telling the truth.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Extreme Harshness Warning. I do mean extreme!!!!


Did you not learn from experience that a couple of dates don't make for long term relationships? Have you not learned just from the words and actions that this fellow is NOT partner material, let alone a good idea to be the father of your children.

You are without a doubt, moving to fast and carelessly for any good to come of this month long disaster and to willing to believe any BS he throws at you to get in your pants.

You are to desperate to make a good choice. Yes cut this crap out. Whats the matter with you? Running around like an idiot looking for a man to give her babies. Get real with yourself. You are too out of control my dear, and better slow down, and do things right, and take a lot more care to pick a good man for yourself, and a great father for your kids.

I am sure that it takes more than going to bed with a guy who answered your profile online, and for sure a lot lnger than a month to even find out if he is telling the truth.

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Well yes, I can see everything you say.
You are very adamant----no, I don't mind. Please be blunt----i prefer that.
But tell me, what is it about this guy that has made you react this way?

It has nothing to do with him, its you and your actions that have moved me to write what I did.

Relationships are not a vehicle to get what you want, but a partnership to building something solid that makes happiness and a good environment.

You seem to think that you can just advertise for a man and get one who is true honest and a life partner, and what you get is what you have now, and he may be a man but is he right for you? The sex was awful, and a lot of questions and drama surround him. At least take the time to know his character, and not just settle for any man. That takes a lot of time work and paying attention.

Think with your brains and not just with a ticking clock as hell, you have waited 40 years already for a family, why not invest a year or two more to get it right and have it work in real life, not just look good on paper, or your fantasy world.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

It has nothing to do with him, its you and your actions that have moved me to write what I did.

Relationships are not a vehicle to get what you want, but a partnership to building something solid that makes happiness and a good environment.

You seem to think that you can just advertise for a man and get one who is true honest and a life partner, and what you get is what you have now, and he may be a man but is he right for you? The sex was awful, and a lot of questions and drama surround him. At least take the time to know his character, and not just settle for any man. That takes a lot of time work and paying attention.

Think with your brains and not just with a ticking clock as hell, you have waited 40 years already for a family, why not invest a year or two more to get it right and have it work in real life, not just look good on paper, or your fantasy world.

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Believe me, I want to wait----do you think I'd want a child under such terms" No. If I had my choice----and the luxury of time----I'd hold out for a man who loves me and wants to marry me and financially support me and so much more.
But like you say, it's my ticking, TICKING clock.
I'm afraid that if I wait another year, it won't happen.
I'm just so stressed out about everything----and always looking for answers.
I even went to a tarot reader.

You are going to hurry into a disaster. The ticking is a timebomb in this case.