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jillia · Aug 16, 2010, 02:15 PM

My ex and I have been broke up for a year. He is living with someone else. But we still email and still seem to be attracted to each other, well at least we flirt of email. We actually got together about 6 months ago, before he moved officially in with her.

He lost his job and moved right in with her. Now to give you some idea we are middle aged people and professionals. I am still in love with him and I know that he is fully happy with her. He acts like we should have an affair, I can't believe it. We are not married to anyone here. I keep thinking that he will realize that she isn't want he wants.
I am going crazy here.

Devorameira · Aug 16, 2010, 02:24 PM

First off, there is no way that he's "fully happy" with her and wants a relationship with you on the side. I'd say that he simply is a cake lover who wants his cake and wants to eat it too.

Why should you hold out for crumbs from someone similar to a dog waiting on the doormat for a couple of crumbs of attention? Don’t you really deserve to have a fantastic relationship? YES! You do! Everyone does.

I wouldn't wait around for him to give me an STD or break my heart... I'd get out there and find someone that loves and respects me... and he ain't it!

Homegirl 50 · Aug 16, 2010, 02:41 PM

He will not realize she isn't what he wants if he can have her and screw you too.
Are you really wanting to lower your status to booty call, because that is what you will be.
If he wants you he will leave her and be with you, but how in the world could you trust him knowing how willing he is to cheat?
Open your eyes and get a clue.

Kitkat22 · Aug 16, 2010, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

He will not realize she isn't what he wants if he can have her and screw you too.
Are you really wanting to lower your status to booty call, because that is what you will be.
If he wants you he will leave her and be with you, but how in the world could you trust him knowing how willing he is to cheat?
Oen your eyes and get a clue.

Don't be used by him. If he loved you he would be with you. He wants a side dish.

jillia · Aug 16, 2010, 02:57 PM

How do I get over him. God knows I have tried. When I said " I love you" I meant it. I have dated some very nice men, but I just don't want to commit myself. Believe it or not, I am a strong woman,and canot seem to get myself over this.

Kitkat22 · Aug 16, 2010, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by jillia

How do I get over him. God knows I have tried. When I said " I love you" I meant it. I have dated some very nice men, but I just dont want to commit myself. Believe it or not, I am a strong woman,and canot seem to get myself over this.

First stop the online flirting. Go out with friends. Go completely NC with him. You haven't gotten over him because you keep letting him give you hope. Don't fall for it.

talaniman · Aug 16, 2010, 05:05 PM

If you cut all contact with him whatsoever, and enjoy a life you build without him, you will eventually get over him.

If you fall for his BS, and keep listening to it, yes you are crazy.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 16, 2010, 05:14 PM

Originally Posted by jillia

How do I get over him. God knows I have tried. When I said " I love you" I meant it. I have dated some very nice men, but I just dont want to commit myself. Believe it or not, I am a strong woman,and can't seem to get myself over this.

Stop communicating with him in all ways. The longer you stay away from him, have no contact with him, you will get over him.
Think about it this way, you are the piece in the side. He is cheating on his girl friend with you.
Stop playing with fire, throw away the matches, leave him completely alone.

vanheart · Aug 16, 2010, 11:33 PM

Yo, Its been a year.

Hes with someone.

If wants to flirt, let him flirt with his girlfriend, not you.

"get over him. God knows I have tried"

No you haven't. Sorry.

Stop.

jillia · Aug 17, 2010, 06:09 AM

You have very sound advice, one more question. Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,etc or just cut off communication entirely?

kaka67 · Aug 17, 2010, 06:13 AM

Originally Posted by jillia

Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,ect or just cut off communication entirely?

Just cut him off.

Why waste anymore of your time on him.

Honestly, think about it, do you really think he cares about how you feel?

If he did you wouldn't of been in the position you are in now.

Time for you to put yourself first,

Homegirl 50 · Aug 17, 2010, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by jillia

you have very sound advice, one more question. Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,ect or just cut off communication entirely?

You don't send him anything.
He does not care about how you feel and he already knows he's using you.
Leave him completely alone. If he text don't read it, delete it. If he calls, don't answer. Block him from your email. Erase him from your life.

talaniman · Aug 17, 2010, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by jillia
Do I send him a letter and tell him how I feel about him using me,etc or just cut off communication entirely?

Sends a better message when you just suddenly disappear from his life, and stop all contact from him, by completely ignoring his attempts. Then you have control, not him.

Write him a scathing letter with all your feelings spelled out, and burning the letter afterward, is a good therapy for yourself.

Kitkat22 · Aug 17, 2010, 07:44 PM

Don't send him anything. You've wasted enough time on him.

jillia · Aug 18, 2010, 11:16 AM

Okay am I the only who goes through the " I want revenge" cycle. I really would love to tell the new girlfriend just what kind of man she is with.

You know what's so ironic, is that his ex-wife tried to tell me,and did I listen (that would be a big fat NO). I know that I'm just rambling here, just need to get this off my chest. I have taken everyone's advice and started the no-contact.

And what I mean about what kind of man he is, I mean about us getting back together 6 months ago,even though he was apparently already living with her. I really thought he was done with her when this happened.

Kitkat22 · Aug 18, 2010, 11:24 AM

Originally Posted by jillia

Okay am I the only who goes through the " I want revenge" cycle. I really would love to tell the new girlfriend just what kind of man she is with.

You know whats so ironic, is that his ex-wife tried to tell me,and did I listen (that would be a big fat NO). I know that I'm just rambling here, just need to get this off my chest. I have taken everyones advice and started the no-contact.

No, you aren't alone in wanting revenge. The best revenge is waiting and doing nothing. She'll find out soon enough what sort of man he is. If you choose to retaliate by telling her, she won't believe it and then it will make him reluctant to show his true colors. Leave them alone.
No revenge is the best revenge. He'll wonder what you're up too.

jillia · Aug 18, 2010, 11:37 AM

Thanks to all of you for your advice. And I hope you all don't mind that I might be doing a little leaning on your shoulders.

Kitkat22 · Aug 18, 2010, 11:40 AM

Originally Posted by jillia

Thanks to all of you for your advice. And I hope you all dont mind that I might be doing a little leaning on your shoulders.

That's why we're here:)

kaka67 · Aug 19, 2010, 01:51 AM

He sounds very selfish.

But you know that now.

The best revenge you can have is to get on with your life without him. Leave him with the situation he has made. He obviously isn't happy with it or he wouldn't still be contacting you for a booty call. Too bad for him.

Let him lie in the bed he has made for himself on the back of your love and tears.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 19, 2010, 07:40 AM

The best revenge is living well without him.
His future girl friends will find out about him just like you did. You just walk away being glad you are out of this. You are better than playing games. Games are for children and trying to get revenge shows the person they still have a hold on you. Don't give him the satisfaction.