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    mr27549's Avatar
    mr27549 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 15, 2010, 08:18 AM
    Is my ex stringing me along? Should I cut all contact with her?
    Hey everyone, sorry this is a little long to make a long story short I broke off with my girlfriend about a month ago and I am really trying to forget about her so I can move on. I am not sure if she really still has feelings and wants to get back together in the future or if she is just stringing me along until something else comes around. Basically we dated for 6 months and we had a lot of future plans together. The relationship started awesome. Out of the clear blue she started texting, calling, and later found out hanging out with her ex boyfriend behind my back... and when I confronted her later on about it she straight up lied. A few nights she told me she was "busy" at work or "sleeping" at home and I later found out she was up late sending picture messages to this ex of hers. I cut her off the 1st time and she just insane begging for forgiveness so I broke down and started talking to her again. Sure enough she pulled the same crap as soon as I stopped ignoring her. I feel like all the signals are there that she is stringing me a long. She tells me she still loves me, but wants to remain single and she is "confused" with what she wants. A few times when I ignored her for a few days she sent me texts about us having sex and really low blow moves to get me to respond, even told me she met a guy with my same last name one time to get me to respond LOL. She claims she misses our relationship but makes no effort in trying to get back together.

    I am moving in 5 days 3000 miles away and starting fresh (something I have been planning for a long time but didn't do because I met this girl) but now I am actually doing it. When I get the smallest text from her my feelings pour out in my mind and I keep saying "what if we keep in touch will we be back together?" Why would I want to? She is a liar, I have to question so many things she told after I found out she lied about so much. I feel she is using me as a security blanket... shes bored, her friends aren't around, nothing else to do, she calls me says how much she misses me etc then when she is offered to go out with her friends or hang with her ex (that she claims she never did LOL) then she doesn't contact me at all. Someone please set my *** straight and smack me upside the head and wake me up!! Thanks =)
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #2

    Aug 15, 2010, 09:10 AM
    Really think about what you are saying here.

    Essentially, you are aware of the type of woman she is, but emotionally, you are drawn to her like a fat kid on a smartie.

    You know you shouldn't be, you have all the intellectual side worked out properly, but, that smartie is just too sweet to resist.

    Take the smartie and see it for what it is. No substance. No value. No redeeming qualities that are long lasting. You cannot trust a smartie because they don't actually have to be smart, they just have to know that they can cause a reaction in you, and you give in every time like a lost little puppy.

    You have to walk away from that smartie, and all other smarties that you will encounter along life's way, because until you do, you will not find the real deal. If you can possibly figure out why you are so drawn in, despite being able to see why you shouldn't, you will go a long way in finding your independence, and resolve, to make a decision, and stick to it.

    Best advice is no contact. I'm not usually a big fan of that technique, but, in your case it is quite clear. You are 75% there already, with ending the relationship, now it is time to block her phone number, delete her on Facebook, don't answer he calls, and put 'return to sender' on any mail she may send. Stop the leaks!

    I think it's wonderful that you are taking the leap to move forward with the move, and all the wonderful things that you will see and experience- finally. Let the past stay in the past, and when you do the no contact thing, you will help yourself, from being drawn in again.

    Stay strong.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
    Expert
     
    #3

    Aug 15, 2010, 09:26 AM
    .
    Quote Originally Posted by mr27549 View Post
    I feel like all the signals are there that she is stringing me a long. She tells me she still loves me, but wants to remain single and she is "confused" with what she wants. A few times when I ignored her for a few days she sent me texts about us having sex and really low blow moves to get me to respond, even told me she met a guy with my same last name one time to get me to respond LOL. She claims she misses our relationship but makes no effort in trying to get back together.
    I believe that fits the definition of being strung along.

    I understand you need confirmation , I will confirm. It fits all the criteria.

    At least you are not blinded enough to fall for her crap and let her run off with someone else and take all yourself respect and dignity with her.

    Kick her to the curb. Don't say another word to her. No FB, no text.

    3000 miles away may still be a bit close, but it is an excellent decision.

    And I know that even as rotten as she has treated you, it still will not be easy. Love is not hooked to an on/off switch.

    Keep your resolve and strength . Do Not break the NC code of conduct .

    Good luck in your new location and with your new job.

    I wish you well
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #4

    Aug 15, 2010, 10:45 AM

    100% no contact with her is your solution. Then you can't be strung along, and can move beyond her deceit.

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