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iwantmylifeback · Jul 31, 2010, 06:26 AM

I use to be best friends with my brother-in-law.. I use to tell him everything or rather he use to get everything out of me.. like spy on me... it was getting enough.. I eventually stopped talking to him... during that period a boy started liking me and we started going around.. I don't knew what is my brother-in laws problem he started black mailing me that if I don't stop seeing th boy he will tell my parents d secrets I told him... some of the secrets are embarrassing.. he has told a lot to my parents.. now my parents don't trust me.. and he is still black mailing me.. and going on//what should I do? please help me.. its like a emotional torture for me...

redhed35 · Jul 31, 2010, 06:30 AM

Call his bluff and spill the beans to your parents.

Also let them know he is blackmailing you.

Whatever punishment your parents give you at least they will know you came through and you will not be blackmailed any more.

I assume your brother-in -law is an adult and should no better.

Step up to the plate and tell your parents,at least you will get some peace and not have to worry about what might be say.

It says more about your character fessing up then your brother in law blackmailing you.

It might also open the lines of commincation with your parents and help set new rules in the house and a happy balance between you and your parents.

iwantmylifeback · Jul 31, 2010, 06:40 AM

Dear redhed35.. thank you for replying..
My parents won't understand.. cause I am not allowed to have a boyfriend.. I don't mind telling them what he is about to tell them.. better heard from my mouth that his.. is there any other alternative..

redhed35 · Jul 31, 2010, 07:12 AM

There's a great saying 'the truth shall set you free'!

At this stage he is probably going to tell them little by little anyway.

What about your sister,his wife,can you talk to her?

Could I ask what age you are please?

Cat1864 · Jul 31, 2010, 07:28 AM

Do not allow the following to lead you to believe I condone Blackmail. I don't. However, I don't condone disobeying your parents either.

Blackmailing usually implies that the blackmailer gets something out of it. In this case, it sounds like he is trying to keep you out of major trouble if all that he wants is for you to stop doing something you know you shouldn't be doing in the first place.

Come clean to your parents. Stop 'going around' with a boy when your parents haven't given you permission to 'date'. Do what is needed to rebuild their trust in you. As part of rebuilding the trust, see if they will be open to allowing you to 'date' this boy in a group setting. Doing things such as a group of friends going to the movies or hanging out together.

Taking full responsibility for your actions disarms his threats and could earn you points with your parents (once they calm down.)

talaniman · Jul 31, 2010, 12:20 PM

He sounds more like he is keeping a protective eye on you, and doesn't want you lying to your parents, like a big brother should.

How old are you that your parents don't allow you to date?

Fr_Chuck · Jul 31, 2010, 12:25 PM

Yes, sounds like you are doing things that are either wrong or at least against your parents wishes. Your brother in law ( assume he is an adult) has a duty to be protective of you and really should be telling your parents.

Since you made a choice to disobey your parents, anyone who knows what you are doing, can easily blackmail you

Kitkat22 · Jul 31, 2010, 01:42 PM

Might as well tell your parents. They'll find out , if it's not the brother in law,then someone else.

The longer you let it go the worse you'll feel. If you let this continue you it will cause problems for you, it will cause problems for the
Brother in law.

Your folks will be upset at him. He was trying to keep you safe.
You're not the only one involved
Here. Think about.

cdad · Jul 31, 2010, 02:19 PM

What is he doing to you that you consider blackmailing? Is he trying to force you into some situation?
If so you can always record it. Then you have something on him. Also how old are you?

iwantmylifeback · Jul 31, 2010, 09:44 PM

Thank you everyone for the replies... I am 21 years old.. I agree he is trying to protect me but its gone to far... my sister was 21 when she was going around with him... they kept it a secret for more than a year.. I knew about it.. I did'nt tell any one... my boyfriend is not a bad person that I have to stay away from him... my brother-in-law.. would do this again if it was anybody else.. he is too protective.. btw in the beginning he was cool about it.. I don't know what is he trying... I just need some time with my boyfriend so that he settles down then I can tell my parents.. and my sister can do nothing.. she just warns me what is he about to do.. please tell me what to do...

talaniman · Aug 1, 2010, 05:07 AM

It seems you have social/cultural/ or traditional restrictions you must follow. No 21 year old in America would be listening to their parents, about anything, let alone about dating.

I think a private talk with your mother would be advised to get more freedom. If not, maybe you will become independent through education, and a job. Maybe they should formally meet the guy, and you be chaperoned, but I think you would make a lot of trouble being sneaky, and going behind your parents back. What does your sister think you should do?

iwantmylifeback · Aug 2, 2010, 07:14 AM

My sister doesn't say anything... she has had fights with him to leave me alone.. but I can't understand why he won't... its not like I'm doing anything wrong... he was dating my sister at the time she was 21... when I asked him why he wants me to leave my boyfriend he said nothing... if my boyfriend is not good.. he shoud hv said.. I fail to understand... I have a nice education I'm still studying and I'm nt independent yet... I need some time and he won't gv me that.. he is not acting right... please tell me what to do?

Cat1864 · Aug 2, 2010, 07:25 AM

In the time between him dating your sister and you becoming the same age, he matured into being what he sees as a responsible adult.

What happened when your parents found out that he and your sister were dating behind their backs? How much trust in your sister did they lose because she lied to them about her actions? Is he trying to save you the same problems?

As has been said repeatedly, be open with your parents if you aren't doing anything wrong. It takes care of anything he can use against you. It shows them that you are growing up and maturing. It takes the spice out of being in a (for your family) forbidden relationship.

Time to act like an adult instead of a rebellious teen.

talaniman · Aug 2, 2010, 07:36 AM

Stop worrying about him, and what he can do, and start focusing on the things you do. You know he is watching, and will tell all he sees, so don't do anything you should be ashamed of, or cause your parents grief.

Its how you do your own thing, not what. If you are not guilty of anything, don't act like it!

Ignore him, and his threats, well intentioned, or not, and tell him to get his nose out of your business. You give him far too much power, than he actually has, and you can't control his actions anyway, don't try.

Kitkat22 · Aug 2, 2010, 07:46 AM

In your case I believe you should tell them. To say the brother in law is a little strange, is putting it mildly. Don't put up with his weird behavior anymore. Your parents need to be told.
.

iwantmylifeback · Aug 3, 2010, 08:54 AM

My sister didn't tell them she was caught.. they were'nt sure at first but... he had plans to marry her... she was caught at 23.. she gt 2 yrs...

Kitkat22 · Aug 3, 2010, 09:05 AM

Originally Posted by iwantmylifeback

my sister didnt tell them she was caught..they were'nt sure at first but ...he had plans to marry her....she was caught at 23..she gt 2 yrs...

Could you tell us more about your culture?

iwantmylifeback · Aug 3, 2010, 09:16 AM

Well I'm not allowed to have a boyfriend... if I have one I'm suppose to marry him... I don't know what will happen in the future.. and its only been a few months... my sister kept it a secret for a long time.. I want that much time... and as I said earlier my boyfriend needs time too.. he has just started working.. needs to concentrate there...

Kitkat22 · Aug 3, 2010, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by iwantmylifeback

well im not allowed to have a boyfriend...if i have one im suppose to marry him...i don't know what will happen in the future..and its only been a few months...my sister kept it a secret for a long time.. i want that much time...and as i said earlier my boyfriend needs time too..he has just started working..needs to concentrate there...

You need to listen to the advice you have been given. Tell your parents.
Unless you want a cloud of dread hanging over your life, tell them. This brother in law is a menace to you and you need to beat him to the punch.
Tell your parents.

iwantmylifeback · Aug 4, 2010, 08:08 AM

So basically I hv to tell my mom everything..