[Shawn143]

I feel stuck... I met my girlfriend almost 5 years ago and she has cystic fibrosis. I have taking care of her for 3 of the years we have been together until she had a double lung transplant last year. The problem is that she is very controlling, jealous, and when I talk to her about how I feel she blows me off and ignores me. I feel stuck because she is the only one with a car and I live with her and her parents. I have no family around. She gets mad when I talk to my mom or other family members and I can only have friends that she "approves" of. I guess my question is how do I get out of this relationship without no car or support from friends or family without living on the streets... I have told her I wanted to break up before but she plays it off like I am kidding. Or she sais no! She knows I have no where to go and no transportation anywhere. She also tries to act like nothing ever happened the next day after we fight. Like every thing is OK... I just feel like I'm stuck! Please help...

[martinizing2]

What do you mean you took care of her?

You sound like you are living off her parents.

If you want to get out you might need to go to a shelter for a while until you find a job and can support yourself.

[redhed35]

Maybe its time to put some of the effort and energy that you put into her needs into your needs.

I have first hand experience living with CF and I know exactly how it effects the whole family,I know how scary it is and also the commitment it takes into caring for someone with CF.

Its difficult to keep any control over your life when you have such a debilitating illness,maybe having control over her relationship is/was her only means of control in her life.

It's a behaviour that becomes ingrained and difficult to let go of.

Even with the transplant her life is considerable shortened,she still has CF,and still has to continue with her meds,physio and diet.

It's a hard road to live and a hard road to follow.

But for you,perhaps now you can ask yourself is this relationship what you really want?

What about you?

What do you want?

Set a goal for yourself,even if its finding a job and moving into your own place.

Make a start on your life and getting some independence from your girlfriend and her parents.

[talaniman]

Until you make a conscious decision to take care of yourself, independent of others, you will never have control over your own life.

Don't blame her, or anyone else for your lack of independence. She is who she is, but who are you?? Find out!

[Shawn143]

What do you mean you took care of her?

You sound like you are living off her parents.

If you want to get out you might need to go to a shelter for a while until you find a job and can support yourself.

Im not living off her parents, I have a job and take care of myself. I work 60 hours a week. I'm not a smooch I buy my own food and hers. I support her to the max financially that's why I dont/never have money to buy a car... or a place.. she's dependent of me.

[Homegirl 50]

She lives with her parents they will take care of her.
Tell her you are leaving and move into a shelter or get an efficiency apartment. But if you want a life apart from her, you have to make the first move.
I wish you well.

[talaniman]

Tell her your taking a long break, and getting your own place, then. It really won't matter what she does about it, what matters is that you put actions behind your words.