[jenaJAMIESON]

Im going to start with I know it's not the best idea to get involved with people you work with.. but it's a little late for that now so here goes. I have been seeing this guy for about a month now... everything was perfect... we spent a lot of time together and everything seemed to be going well up until christmas. He became distant and made excuses not to see me. I know he has some things going on in his life right now (dad is sick, grandma just passed away and he is very family oriented) so I let it go. We had some time off work and we didn't see each other the whole time... but made a lot of phone calls to each other. Now we are back to work and the first day was the same as usual, but after that he told me that he just wanted to be friends because he thinks we were rushing into things and now he wants to get to know me before he starts anything with me. He says he still cares and wants to be with me but just as friends right now ( no sex). The problem with me is I fall hard and fast so this really hurt. And we work together so it makes it even harder. I have managed to keep myself together around him but deep down inside I'm losing it. He is the one that pushed me to tell him how I feel about "us" and I was reluctant but saw it as a good sign so I did. I didn't say anything crazy, I just simply told him that I like him being around me and I like how he makes me feel when we are together... it took him a while to respond or even say anything, but when he did he said his feelings were mutual. Did I do something wrong? Should I wait this thing out?? Please give me some advice.

[talaniman]

Slow the train down and go a lot slower. That's what he wants, and to be honest that's what you need. Your head over heels in a month which is still dating and get to know each other territory. Make sur you both know that as friends you can date whomever you both like. If you cannot handle the way things are simply tell him later, and deal with seeing him at work.

[ordinaryguy]

The problem with me is i fall hard and fast so this really hurt.

I think you put your finger on it right here--you have gone too far too fast. You seem to imply that this isn't just the problem in this relationship, it's typical of the way you have gone into other relationships as well, correct? Tal is absolutely right, you need to back the truck up, slow the train down. I don't care how perfect somebody seems, a month is way too soon to go head over heels, and if you do, it isn't love, it's desperation--not a good basis for a healthy long-term relationship. Until you learn to take it slower and be more level-headed about it, you're likely to just repeat the pattern of having brief, intense relationships that start with fireworks, but quickly go down in flames.

[chuff]

Hey Jenna I really like and appreciate your work.

But in all seriousness you said it yourself, you fell for him hard in only a month. That comes off as scary and in a guys mind that puts you in stalker territiory. He probably sees this and he doesn't want to deal with someone who can't give him space. I think he's being very fair about this and telling you exactly what he wants. If you really like him you will listen to and respect his request.