[samiG29]

My mother in law and I don't get along and she talks a lot of smack about me to my husband... this makes me hate her and not want her to get the satisfaction of holding my baby... am I being selfish? I feel as though she'll point out everything that I'm doing is wrong...

[Eileen G]

It's natural for wives and mothers-in-law to not get on well at first. In a sense, they are competing for the same man, though in different ways.

I do think this is one situation where you have to get your husband to tell her that he won't tolerate her being disrespectful to his wife (and the mother of his children). She has to accept that her little boy now has his own family.

Unless the situation is intolerable, I would not withhold your baby from her. Apart from everything else, grandmothers make great babysitters! But you should remain calm and dignified, and don't let yourself get drawn into shouting matches with her.

If she starts on about things you do that she thinks are wrong, it's enough to say calmly "Guidelines about looking after babies have changed since you had young children. Would you like me to get you some up-to-date literature?"

[positiveparent]

You may think me crazy but there's always another way, you could try being nice to her, not overly so, just civilised, and that will show her that you are mature and being a grown up.

This should then make her think about how she is towards you. I am sure if you tried this it would help, she can't bad mouth you if you're always polite and nice to her can she..

Give it some thought, you've nothing to lose by being the more mature after all..

Im sure it would also make your husband feel much happier, and he would no doubt ask his Mother to stop treating you badly.