[redhed35]

Suggest an activity where you have to work together as a team,an activity park with wall climbing or boating,something that requires talking and team work,then later something to eat and you can both chat away about the day.

As for dating older women,I don't see how that can make any difference, unless your experience with older women was that they were chatty.

Find some common ground with this other lady,music,sport etc.

[positiveparent]

With you both being so shy then it would be somewhat difficult to get into much by way of a conversation, do you know what her interests are, or her hobbies, aims dreams hopes, If so you could try sparking up a conversation about those things.

You could try asking simple one answer questions like does she like this or that.

No matter what though whilst you are both feeling shy it is going to be difficult to get into any deep meaningful conversations.

All you can do is keep trying and hopefully you'll hit upon a subject she's interested in or passionate about.

Its up to you if you want to persevere with this girl, I don't think aiming for older women will help you get to know this girl patience is what's needed, and in time you may break down her shyness barriers.

[Kitkat22]

Kyle on your other threads I tjought you were going to wait awile before dating. What happened?

[KyleS28]

The ladies can't help themselves... I decided to date again.

Cheers

[I wish]

It takes time to get to know someone. Be patient. Try talking about yourselves to each other so that you get a better feel of each other's personalities.

[Kitkat22]

Hope it works for you Kyle. Be Sweet.

[talaniman]

i'm dating a woman named sal and we're both moderately introverted and shy. i'm okay with our conversations being simple, but i am finding it difficult to get to know her. sals feeling the same about me, finding it difficult to get to know me. do relationships between two shy people work? i'm used to dating chatty women that talk too much and ask too many questions, so the conversation usually works. do i need to become the extroverted, talkative person in the relationship or should i just date older women?

Talaniman Rule-Date them all. Short, fat, skinny, or tall.18 -80, blind, cripple, or crazy.
Don't date one, date them all and then when you know them well, see how you feel. Until you know them well don't get so attached you can't get unattached. Honesty is upfront. Enjoy the process, but don't get hooked on it.

[kp2171]

So... how long have you and the shy girl dated? How do you know each other? How did you meet? What things in common? etc.

More info...

[Kitkat22]

so... how long have you and the shy girl dated? how do you know each other? how did you meet? what things in common? etc.

more info...

Read his other thread.;)

[kp2171]

I tried before I posted... honestly, I'm just not all that vested in keeping track of all the noise... this thread set confuses me a little...

[Kitkat22]

i tried before i posted... honestly, im just not all that vested in keeping track of all the noise... this thread set confuses me a little...

Same here !:rolleyes:

[martinizing2]

Maybe you should work on getting over the shyness enough to get to know this girl before you start looking elsewhere.
At least be totally honest with her and tell her you plan on dating other women if you do.

You may also talk to her about how the two of you can overcome the shyness. I think once you open up to each other the effect can snowball and give you more to talk about and learn about each other.

Any friendship or relationship based on honesty and mutual respect stands the absolute best chance of turning out well.

[Cat1864]

It doesn't matter how much you work on the shyness. The relationship won't work as long as you still think of her as a Rebound.

new question. i am realizing that i am currently dating a woman as a rebound. i am now over my past relationship so what do i say to the new relationship?

do i say that we don't have anything in common or be honest and say that i am over my ex now so i am ready to handle singlehood? we've been on seven dates together.

is it socially acceptable to be in a relationship as a rebound?
she must understand that rebounds are neccessary. dating frequently with different women doesnt help rebound from a relationship. you need to date someone to develop enough emotion/enthusiasm for them to be move on from your ex.

what are your thoughts on rebound relationships?

How you perceive the relationship will affect how shy you are in it. If you aren't comfortable, then you aren't going to feel as open as you would be if you felt better about it.

[kp2171]

Ungh.

Methinks its time to unsubscribe from this thread.

No patience for this kind of noise.

What? You want to connect with this girl or you want to sever the relationship?

I don't know. Don't care.

Out for the long haul.

[talaniman]

You can really tell when someone wanders aimlessly from one person to another, that they are looking for something outside themselves to feel good about themselves. Those people spend a lot of time looking for something that can only be found within them. Looking for love in all the wrong places makes it awfully hard to find.

When you find what you need from within, then you will have something to share. And you won't have to figure so hard how to connect with others, on many levels.

[talaniman]

Warning, another rant coming

Talaniman Rule-Date them all. Short, fat, skinny, or tall.18 -80, blind, cripple, or crazy.

martinizing2 agrees : Date 'em all but not at the same time I would add

Just to explain my position on this. I have never been one to get attached to quickly, or committed to fast, and enjoyed making a variety of friends, and getting to know them.

As far as females go, (as I am a dude!), this worked well for me, and kept things in a good healthy balance as the romance can wait until you are sure that you know who your getting so deeply involved in. Sure there were many woman who could not wrap their head around the idea of a dude that dates so many at once, and a few that thought I was being a player, but so what? Why commit to being exclusive after a few dates? Makes no sense to me.

Plus I was having a good time with FRIENDS, so why stop when you make new ones? Why not keep all my options and opportunities open to myself? That was my thinking, and that's how I enjoyed my single life, and it was great. Never lead any one on, or forced them to be a friend, and never had to lie about what, and why, I was doing my own thing.

So to be clear, the point is to be honest about what you do, and be honest with the people you do it with. Even though when you do take things to the next level, and get dumped, you already have a life that you enjoy without them, to go back to. Break ups suck, no doubt, but they are hardly the end of the world when you already know what adjustments you will make. It helps when you don't lose yourself in the process of getting with someone else.

Be yourself, and enjoy yourself, and share that with whomever you meet, and let love and romance grow where, and when it will, on its own. Maybe the confusion is the expectations you have with dating, or what it means to you. For me it was just sharing a good time with a cool person, and not the first step to love, romance, or relief of lust. Maybe that's why I had such a great time and that's how I met all my exes, and even my wife who ended my good time... er... I mean CHANGED IT, TO WHAT IT IS now!

Hope that clears things up a bit.

End of rant

[positiveparent]

Sorry Talaniman have to spread the rep

Why the need for a relationship, isn't this kind of like leading a girl on, you haven't healed or moved on fully from all the others you've told us about yet, so what are you wondering about this escapade for, its not going to work, and no relationship you embark upon will until you take time out and put all the other escapades to rest, and stop being on the rebound.

You're not being fair to these girls, if you're going to be a player, be one but be an honest one and don't lead girls into thinking you're in it for real or the long haul when you're not.

Don't be a player pretending to be a nice guy, it'll come back to haunt you.
If you're real and honest women will accept that, its when they feel you've deceived them they won't like it..

You hardly come over as shy to my mind, you're a bed hopper yes, and that isn't something a shy person indulges in. I think its another cover for the real issues you may have, and an inability to form lasting relationships usually comes from low self esteem.

Pretty soon any self respecting female is going to give you a wide berth because you'll become known as a user, and you'll find only the dregs will give you the time of the day. You'll be faced with a string of lost opportunities.

You have been warned...

[KyleS28]

sorry Talaniman have to spread the rep

Why the need for a relationship, isnt this kind of like leading a girl on, you havent healed or moved on fully from all the others youve told us about yet, so what are you wondering about this escapade for, its not going to work, and no relationship you embark upon will until you take time out and put all the other escapades to rest, and stop being on the rebound.

Youre not being fair to these girls, if youre going to be a player, be one but be an honest one and dont lead girls into thinking youre in it for real or the long haul when youre not.

Dont be a player pretending to be a nice guy, itll come back to haunt you.
If youre real and honest women will accept that, its when they feel youve deceived them they wont like it..

You hardly come over as shy to my mind, youre a bed hopper yes, and that isnt something a shy person indulges in. I think its another cover for the real issues you may have, and an inability to form lasting relationships usually comes from low self esteem.

Pretty soon any self respecting female is going to give you a wide berth because youll become known as a user, and youll find only the dregs will give you the time of the day. Youll be faced with a string of lost opportunities.

You have been warned....

Thanks for the reply tal. Great advice! I should mention to positiveparent that I live in the city, not out in the fields. I'm not going to a dinner party solo with a bunch of couples reminding me of my singlehood. That doesn't sound like healing to me. Relationships are everywhere. Am I going to hang out at the bar scene until I am healed? My right arm gets a little catty without a woman to hold. Don't they say love cures all things? Then why am I straying from love? And there is no bed hopping for me because everything takes place in my bed though sometimes we play frogger under the sheets.

[positiveparent]

Kyle dating is one thing and I agree with you but you don't need a relationship to date. LOL like the comment about frogger under the sheets. Now Im curious what's frogger LOL.

I also agree get out there and live its what life is for after all.

[Kitkat22]

thanks for the reply tal. great advice! i should mention to positiveparent that i live in the city, not out in the fields. i'm not going to a dinner party solo with a bunch of couples reminding me of my singlehood. that doesnt sound like healing to me. relationships are everywhere. am i going to hang out at the bar seen until i am healed? my right arm gets a little catty without a woman to hold. dont they say love cures all things? then why am i straying from love? and there is no bed hopping for me because everything takes place in my bed though sometimes we play frogger under the sheets.

I think your caviler attitude is beyond inappropriate. We try to help and you come back with this. A bar is the last place you need to be. Who wants to play "FROGGER" with a drunk? I don't think you have anything to worry about though. Nobody likes a crying "poor little me" drunk.