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talaniman · Jul 2, 2010, 11:07 AM

HARSHNESS ALERT!
My thoughts and opinions on rebounds:
See them coming and stay away from them by being honest with yourself( I need some attention to help this hole in my soul and this new girl wants to give it to me! Why shouldn't I take it because I want it?), and being honest with them( I need attention and she is willing to give it, but is it right to unload all my wants and needs on this stranger that THINKS I am normal, and happy to meet hers too!)

A proper healing avoids all that, and allows you to get over the exes, and have fun, WITHOUT PLAYING GAMES WITH Someone's HEAD. And that's the right thing to do. You just stay at a safe emotional distance as you heal, and stay honest with whomever by NOT leading them on and sucking all the life out of them.

After a break up, we are vulnerable, and needy, and selfish. Stay out of relationships until you are not.

Originally Posted by KyleS28
She must understand that rebounds are necessary.

You are assuming based on your own thinking as how would she know that? Did you ask her?

dating frequently with different women doesn't help rebound from a relationship.

Forget the rebounding, forget trying to replace what you had with another. That's crazy and selfish, and needy. Not to mention callous, and immature.

you need to date someone to develop enough emotion/enthusiasm for them to be move on from your ex.

You date for fun and friendship, as you get to know them. Not to replace what you lost with attention and sex, or just having some one. Dating is NOT a relationship, nor is it a commitment, nor is it a shot of feel good to fill the hole in your soul, it's a social interaction that allows you to take a break so you can recharge your batteries and be motivated to build a life that you enjoy.

When dating leads to a relationship, the rules change. Then its about whether you can build something together, or NOT.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 2, 2010, 11:34 AM

Have to spread some rep talaniman but you are spot on once again!

positiveparent · Jul 2, 2010, 12:37 PM

Kyle
I think you may have misinterpreted why I posted the list of what women wanted or looked for in a partner, the list wasn't an accumalation of things all women wanted, the list was made up of 40 one line answers from those 40 women as to what they wanted singularily.

Many of the replies had same meaning, but were no way a list of attributes that all the women asked wanted collectively.

It was posted to show you that out of the women asked not one said she wanted a rough offensive speaking partner.

KyleS28 · Jul 2, 2010, 03:32 PM

I think I am a lost cause. I gave dating a shot and it turned me into a mashed potato with sour cream without the potato.

Kitkat22 · Jul 2, 2010, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by KyleS28

i think i am a lost cause. i gave dating a shot and it turned me into a mashed potato with sour cream without the potato.

I wonder why?? :rolleyes:

Homegirl 50 · Jul 2, 2010, 05:09 PM

You're not a lost cause, you have things to learn is all.
You have gone from one lady to the next without having an understanding about what went wrong with the previous one.
Deal with your issues and ideas about women, get over this last lady then you will be healthier for the next one.

Cat1864 · Jul 2, 2010, 06:00 PM

Originally Posted by KyleS28

i think i am a lost cause. i gave dating a shot and it turned me into a mashed potato with sour cream without the potato.

Kyle, I don't think anyone is a 'lost cause', least of all you. As Tal has said, you are still trying to discover what you want in a partner and relationship. You're confused.

I don't think you have given 'dating' a try. I think you have tried one type of relationship after another one. If you think about it, you might agree that you have been in a cycle of rebounds without realizing it.

Have you ever gone out with someone with no desire or expectation of having a second 'date'?

Get rid of the Tru tapes. Who ever made them is doing nothing more than making money and giving men everywhere a bad name.

I will let you know that a strong mature man does not feel the need to play mind games in a relationship. He is comfortable with being himself and that is what encourages people to want to get to know him.

Tal says it best about dating all kinds of women. Enjoy being single. Enjoy learning what qualities you like in women. Learn what in you brings those qualities out in them. Learn what you like about yourself and what in them brings out the best in you.

KyleS28 · Jul 2, 2010, 06:38 PM

Thank you all. I appreciate the advice. I should take a break from relationships and enjoy dating. What if I don't know what went wrong in my past relationships? How can I contact my ex's to give me feedback?

vanheart · Jul 2, 2010, 06:41 PM

I agree 1000%

I think some time single is in order.

Figure out who you are.

Kitkat22 · Jul 2, 2010, 06:51 PM

And don't call the ex's.

talaniman · Jul 2, 2010, 08:01 PM

You don't have to ask an ex what went wrong, that would be her biased opinion, not that of all females. They are all different. That's why the secret of dating is having a great time with whomever you share the tome with and be yourself. That's the confidence so many of the ladies find attractive. That comes from within yourself, because you KNOW yourself. You don't have to impress them, just pay attention to them and you would be surprised how relaxed and comfortable they can be when you yourself are cool, calm, and collected, and confident.

What guys (and females) fail to realize it's a waste of time waiting for someone to make a decision about your future, when a man (or woman) that knows themselves and loves themselves makes their own decisions about what THEY are going to do for themselves.

That's why you can bow out gracefully and go NC, and move beyond the situation you are in, and keep your own dignity, and self respect, and be ready for whatever life throws at you. Because you know YOURSELF very well, and don't have to go through the trauma, and confusion of trying to figure out why you got dumped. You accept its over, and turn your focus elsewhere on other options, and opportunities, and never dwell on the other questions in the minds of an ex, because it doesn't matter one bit about why. What matters is what you do about it, because you know YOURSELF, and how to cope with YOUR feelings, NOT hers. Doesn't matter any more.

That's what dating is all about, not building a relationship, not trying to impress some one, but enjoying getting to know some one, and taking time to know them well. Then we can talk sex, relationships, or who shot John, and yeah, learning to control your lust, so you don't fall for, or get carried away by intense feelings. That's all about knowing yourself, and coping with your feelings. That's where confidence comes from, and those who have it can risk their hearts, and have a proper healing, and move on, rather quickly.

It takes a while to learn those life lessons(plenty of growing pains for sure) but once you figure yourself out, it's a whole new world. Practice makes perfect. Rejection (failure) is not a signal to quit on yourself. Just move beyond it to the next option.

There is always a next option, ALWAYS. Pay attention is all. Then you won't be distracted by BS!!

End of RANT!

Kitkat22 · Jul 2, 2010, 08:05 PM

I don't know what it's going to take for you to read and follow all the advice you've been given.

Grow Up and look around you at the people who have gone through a lot worse and have the guts to walk away and not look back... THAT IS CALLED NC.

vanheart · Jul 2, 2010, 08:13 PM

Listen to & save Tal's last post.

That says it all.

Did it forget to say listen?

I meant listen, sorry.

martinizing2 · Jul 2, 2010, 08:24 PM

Kyle, in all honesty you should memorize Tal s last post.

KyleS28 · Jul 3, 2010, 01:37 AM

This is sad because the therapy is over. Tal summerized it so well! Now this thread will disappear to the back of the message board somewhere in obscurity. I'll miss this thread. A lot of great people and a lot of great advice. Tal summerized it so well! Thank you all.

Cat1864 · Jul 3, 2010, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by KyleS28

this is sad because the therapy is over. tal summerized it so well! now this thread will disappear to the back of the message board somewhere in obscurity. i'll miss this thread. a lot of great people and a lot of great advice. tal summerized it so well! thank you all.

Kyle, there is more to this site than this thread. Puzzling out lyrics to songs or laughing at the latest version of an old joke can be great ways to just relax.

Good luck. :)

tickle · Jul 3, 2010, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by KyleS28

i took this as my ideas were crazy so i might as well get down on a knee and give her a ring.

You were entirely wrong. I meant no such thing. You are too sensitive.

Tick

positiveparent · Jul 3, 2010, 07:56 AM

Originally Posted by KyleS28

this is sad because the therapy is over. tal summerized it so well! now this thread will disappear to the back of the message board somewhere in obscurity. i'll miss this thread. a lot of great people and a lot of great advice. tal summerized it so well! thank you all.

Hi Kyle you can always bookmark this thread and refer to it from time to time, you won't lose the advice in it, it will always be available to you for future use of some kind. You could also print out what's in this thread. Or even highlight the parts you want to keep and then copy and paste them into a text file.

Good luck in your future relationships of any description.

Kitkat22 · Jul 3, 2010, 10:51 AM

Get yourself together Kyle and start caring about more than what feels good for the moment.

You could probably be a stand up guy with a positive attitude. Try it.

KyleS28 · Jul 3, 2010, 11:27 AM

I'm dating a woman named sal and we're both moderately introverted and shy. I'm okay with our conversations being simple, but I am finding it difficult to get to know her. Sals feeling the same about me, finding it difficult to get to know me. Do relationships between two shy people work? I'm used to dating chatty women that talk too much and ask too many questions, so the conversation usually works. Do I need to become the extroverted, talkative person in the relationship or should I just date older women?