[bigred022892]

OK so my girlfriend and I have been going out for 4 months now and I feel like recently I have been taking a back seat in her life. When I'm with her she is txting her best friend and always responds to her right away. When I text her there is usually like a 20 min or so gap of nothing until she texts back. She tells me she's going to call me back and doesn't until I call her and ask what's up and she says "oh sorry i forgot". When we first got together we were smitten and she wanted to do it more often and we talked dirty but now it seems like sex is not even an option she just says "we need to find the right place" is that just an excuse to not do it with me?? And she recently got a job and has been wanting some alone time, is that just stress from work or is she losing interest? I guess in essence I feel like I escape her thoughts and she just forgets about me. This is tough for me cause I'm really into this girl and she says I'm perfect and that I'm so amazing and treat her so good, but I'm not really getting anything back from her. I buy her flowers and do sweet things but sometimes it kind of feels one sided. This is a lot to register but if any of you could help me I would be so grateful. What do I do?

[punchcat]

If you haven't already, I would say it's time to sit her down and have a good talk. Communication is key. Not being able to understand one another's actions is a very common problem and can lead to misunderstandings and fights. Sometimes we will get upset or angry at what we assume to be the reason, but in reality, her reasons may not be what you think. So the best is just to ask her. Say that there are some things that have been bothering you lately and you would like to have a talk with her. And just be blunt with your questions, like you have been here. And let her know that you have been feeling unimportant in her life. Remember that she cannot read your mind, so the only way to know is for you to communicate your thoughts and feelings yourself. Talk calmly and don't get angry at her answers. If it helps, make a list of the things you want to ask so you don't forget anything important.

[talaniman]

ok so my girlfriend and i have been going out for 4 months now and i feel like recently i have been taking a back seat in her life. When im with her she is txting her best friend and always responds to her right away. When i txt her there is usually like a 20 min or so gap of nothing until she txts back. She tells me she's going to call me back and doesn't until i call her and ask what's up and she says "oh sorry i forgot".
You text too much, and that makes you too available, and in a position of waiting until she has time to reply, plus the fact is that you should be doing your thing and not be waiting for her to do anything.

When we first got together we were smitten and she wanted to do it more often and we talked dirty but now it seems like sex is not even an option she just says "we need to find the right place" is that just an excuse to not do it with me???
Lust fades, and love grows, so a mature attitude is needed to make adjustment to the things you are finding out. Are your expectations to high? I don't know, but that's something for you to find out about. For sure as the sex (lust) wears off, you have to have other things to base a relationship on.. You may be still in LUST, but she is NOT! No its not an excuse, just a realistic, practical consideration that she is not feeling the same way about the sex as you are. Sometimes partners just don't have that sex feeling when you do. So what?


And she recently got a job and has been wanting some alone time, is that just stress from work or is she losing interest?
Do you work? We all need some unwind time when we leave work, and make the transition to the real world. Did you ever consider why you need so much attention from her all the time. That’s something to think about as space after work, or alone time, is normal for healthy people. If that’s what she needs give it to her.


I guess in essence i feel like i escape her thoughts and she just forgets about me. This is tough for me cause im really into this girl and she says im perfect and that im so amazing and treat her so good, but im not really gettin anything back from her
That’s why its so important to back off voluntarily sometimes and keep your life balanced as she does with other things besides each other. What did you do to occupy yourself with before you met her? Have you stopped doing those things , or stop seeing your own friends so much? If all your attention is on her and the attention you get from her, what about the rest of your life. Not being able to do your thing, or having a thing to do without her makes you needing, moody and gives you a very insecure out look on every little thing you don’t like about her, often for no good reason. Then you question everything about her, and yourself, and start to smother your partner with your need for attention. That also grows until it becomes a force to push your partner away.

. i buy her flowers and do sweet things but sometimes it kinda feels one sided.
That may be well and good but there are other ways to treat her good that work as well as flowers, like know when to back off and let her enjoy other things in her, That gives you time to do the same. And you can miss and appreciate the good things and not be so focused on what you think are bad. You have written nothing that is really bad, but shown your insecurities that seem to be growing as you expect a lot, and want more, and need to many reassurances, that may be leading you to some very unhealthy thing, and reactions.

This is alot to register but if any of you could help me i would be so grateful. What do i do?

You need an attitude adjustment. You are asking a lot from a stranger of only 4 months and have not cracked the shell of knowing who you are dealing with.

If you expect what happened in the first 3 months to be the pattern for the future, FORGET IT!

Now that the lust is settling down, you are getting a more realistic view of the person you are dealing with, and seeing the things you never noticed while the sex was plentiful, and hot.

If you want to enjoy this relationship, stop right now making her the focus and center of your own life and happiness, and back off being so needy of her attention, and have a life that you enjoy besides her. That will bring a healthy balance you need to enjoy getting to know her better, and making good adjustments, and decisions going forward.

A relationship is a healthy addition to a happy life you enjoy, but you seem to have made it a necessity for your own happiness, which it should not be, its only a bonus.