[valex00]

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, have one child together and right after I found out he cheated on me with someone from work, I find out that I'm pregnant, I'm really confused... I really want to work things out, but its really hard to trust him again specially them working together... im with him but things are not going the way I would like to we are always arguing about the same thing ,him cheating, he has never cheated on me before and never has given me any reason for me to even think that he was... what should I do?? Please help

[JoeCanada76]

Would I forgive infidelity. I really do not know. It is not would we forgive. The true question is CAN YOU? You see some couples do survive and work through it. If you torn and your not sure about your thoughts or where your headed. Please consider couple counseling.

Does he seem remorseful? Is he willing to go to counseling? Does he actually want to work on making this relationship work or not?

[ZoeMarie]

Cheating is the hardest thing to deal with in a relationship. If he can tell you he's sorry and he will never let it happen again and mean it, then let it be a thing of the past and try to work on your relationship together and move forward. I would strongly suggest couples counseling. If he doesn't agree to it then it wouldn't be a bad idea to go yourself to learn how to deal with this.

[positiveparent]

You're pregnant and you have found out he has cheated, have you and he discussed what was behind his cheating, can you accept that he's still working with this female?

Your hormones are going to be all over the place as it is and with having to learn to forgive him is going to be difficult.

You could try counselling, here are a few things they'll possibly ask you both, the following are a couple of questions you'll both be asked, him first with these;

He didn't cheat just because he felt like it.
Something in the relationship was leaving him unsatisfied.

Figuring out what that was will help you make things right again.

If you want to restore trust, you both need to correct the issues in your relationship. Knowing the problem is just the first step. The next step is to actually do something about it. Rebuilding trust means more than talking about the right things.

You have to start doing the right things and doing them together.

The above are something's you'll need to discuss with him, and or the counsellor.

[talaniman]

I doubt if I would, but if we were going to stay together we sure wouldn't be talking about it everyday and create arguments over it. If I forgive then that would be the end of it. I would expect the same had I cheated.

If I could NOT forgive, and move on, I would be gone!!

It may be years before the trust, and feelings come back though, that's the nature of cheating, dealing with the feelings. I would judge her actions closely, and see if I SHOULD believe her, and give credit for her trying her best to make things right, but that's just me, and I am not a pregnant female.

That has to be even harder, as all those feelings, and hormones can be overwhelming. Maybe you should tell him that, as I think he understands the pregnant part, but not using past crimes for future indictments, that leads to arguments over, and over again. Maybe he deserves it, probably does, but no solutions can be made on this arguing path..

How did you find out about his cheating with a co-worker?

I don't condone his cheating at all, but its you who have to rein in some of your fears if there is to be any hope for the future, and decide HOW you will handle this going forward, and get some support through this difficult time, other than him.

Can you do that?

[positiveparent]

I personally don't think I could forgive my partner if he cheated, however Im not in that situation you are, and if you do forgive him then you will also have to control any urges you have to bring it up in any future arguments.

Can you do that?

Because unless you can then you will find things between you both will just deteriorate more and more as time goes by, and you have one child now, soon you'll have two, you also have to consider them, and if you and he are going to be constantly arguing over this, then it's a sure fire fact that your children will be effected by it all, so you not only have to think of you and he but your children as well.

If you can't forgive and let it go, then that's not forgiving, its holding onto a hurt and a hurt that's going to severely damage your life with him, and that of your children.

So consider it fully, before you decide...

Follow this link for step by step guide to forgiving and forgetting

Relationships: ForgiveForget