[roslind]

My 18 year old daughter hates me and her stepdad. Because her father doesn't have anything to do with her she hates us what can I do? I was a single parent for 9 years and I have totally spoiled this child. She is my only child

Just a quick question.

[Wondergirl]

She may be placing her anger on you, a "safe" person whose love she knows she cannot lose, and not on her dad where it belongs. Of course, your spoiling her was not a good idea. How did you spoil her? -- give her everything she wanted since she had no dad, and you wanted to make up for that loss?

[theresa101]

To which there are no quick answers. She probably is as wondergirl said, directing her anger at you, she knows you will always be there, regardless. But what I have always done with my chidren was simply start a dialogue with them about why they were acting out. They already knew that disrespect and nasty attitudes would not be tolerated so they usually opened up somewhat, then the talks just sort of took off, when every one realizes that they are hurting others too, and has a different window to look in on the situation things seemed to calm down. Of course, nothing you can do about the absent father, trust me, I know all about that. You will never be more wrong in your life as when you try to make him see things from yours and your child's position, but there is nothing to do there, except be the best parent you can be, but don't talk him down, that just makes you look petty. In time I think you will find that your child will suddenly open her eyes and see that he is the one to be angry with, not you. That's what happened in my case any way, Now the tables are turned and they don't speak to him, I don't condone that, but it is their choice. Mine are 21 and 19 and we are probably at the best place in our relationships that we could be. I even get a thank you every now and then for being so tough on them growing up, and yes they are spoiled too, raised them by myself, so I could only afford to spoil them with love and deeds. Girls are naturally emotional so you never know, A simple "I Love you and I want to understand how you are feeling" may get you far. I t may also get you a little crying and screaming, but that's OK too if she is angry that is bound to happen. Not saying you should definitely do these things, you certainly know your child and how she would react. It is simply how I chose to handle some similar situations at my house, and it worked out fine, and everyone understood each other. Good Luck, I hope you guys don't miss precious time, because of anger issues.

[Homegirl 50]

Has then been going on the whole time you've been remarried or is this a recent thing?

[roslind]

Yes I have given her everything! She recorded a CD in 2009 that cost me $30,000, then I put her in a private college at Lipscomb University which cost me $28,000 and she just dropped out! She has a very nice car and is a pharmacy tech. She was going