[unexpected74]

Ok to start with I will give you a little background about this whole situation. I have been in 3 long term relationships, after they had ended I had no problem never talking to them again or even having the urge to look them up on any social web site until my current x. My current x and I were together for 2 1/2 years and went through a lot. I had never cried over a guy or his actions until him, in a way I consider him my first love.

What I don't understand is he treated me better than I have ever been treated by anyone, and worse. A couple months after we broke up I got rid of the rest of his things he left behind and everything that was "our memory". About 7 months after we ended our relationship I started dating other guys. To say the least I never had a second date with any guy. I don't think I am obsessed with my x because I don't check up on him, I don't think about him constantly, when I date new guys I don't look for specific characteristics about them that were related to my x, I am very happy with my life and my situation but this is where the real problem comes in.

After going so long without any contact with my x one day he randomly showed up at my doorstep with 2 dozen roses, half white half red, 2 page poem and a mountain dew. That day I had a friend over that happened to be a guy, my x was devastated and would not answer my phone calls or texts. Since that day I can not get him off my mind and its driving me crazy. Three weeks later he sent me a text to wish me a happy birthday. Long story short we hung out and had an amazing time together, did a lot of things that we wanted to do in our relationship but never got around to, after the second day of hanging out we got drunk and he cried to me to tell me how bad he screwed up and what he would do to have me back. I still get butterflies every time I hear his voice and still love him as much as I ever had. He spent the rest of the night holding me in his arms and watching me sleep. The next day he sent me a text and at the end it said, "Give me a call when you wake up luv." He has never used the word love to me, it always was Love.

Am I setting myself up to let him use me? Is he scared that I will reject him? Since it didn't work the first time is there any "real" chance it would work a second time? Is the reason I can't find another guy is because I truly have not let go of him, or am I just looking in the wrong places? I have never been like this, every time I get a text or a call I jump to my phone, I now leave it on at night to make sure I don't miss a call or text from him, and sadly sometimes I don't answer just so that he will leave a voice mail that I can listen to whenever I want.

Please help me those of you that have been in a similar situation, what are your opinions? Sorry so long

Thanks

[ZoeMarie]

The problem with getting back with an ex is that if you don't fix the problems which caused the relationship to fail, then it's only going to be doomed to fail again. More often than not, an ex is an ex for a reason. Unless it's been quite some time and the two of you have changed drastically, you may be looking at wasting your time getting back with him. Every situation is different, but the couple exes that I've gotten back together with it ended the same way the second time around.

What are the reasons you two broke up? How long has it been now since you've seen or talked to him?

[unexpected74]

We broke up because of stress... We lost a two story house and EVERYTHING we had except our clothes, bed, car and dog. With in the same month he found out from his x girlfriend from years ago had his baby and illegally gave it up for adoption, not long after I miscarried our child, when we got home from the hospital he got a call from his mother saying that his father died 5 states away from us and we had no way of getting enough money for him to go to his funeral, we ended up moving in with my mother and I worked 72hrs a week at two nursing homes and he couldn't find a job, we hardly ever saw each other and when we did.. we fought. My birthday was last week and now we talk everyday.

[talaniman]

What makes you think stress won't break you up again? How will you deal with it differently this time?

Stuff happens in real life all the time, and it's a big red flag that outside stresses, devastating though they may be, broke you up, instead of made you closer.

Adversity defines a couple, as any fool can have a great time when its to be had, and call it love. You're talking now, talk about THAT, and not just the notions of love, and good times, because reality is a real beeyatch sometimes. There is no hurry to examine the facts of the break up, and be realistic about the chances you now want to take. But rushing back in without resolving past issues is nothing but repeating the same mistakes over again.

Look closely at what has actually changed to make it better, or worth the risks of trying again, and don't let still intense feelings get you carried away, again!

[anon432094]

I posted a thread about my problems a few days back, but this one caught my eye as it seems somewhat similar to my situation. Sit down and talk, but lay everything out in the open (i.e. core issues that plagued the relationship) and talk out possible resolutions to the issues. Sometimes things aren't the way they seem to appear; this was certainly true in my case.

You two seem to want to work together to get these issues resolved and you just need to stick to it. Good luck!