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redhead1992 · Jun 14, 2010, 03:39 PM

Soo I just got back from senior week where I met the most amazing guy. We spent every single night together, and actually never had intercourse, because I didn't want to. And he respected that. He took care of me and didn't take advantage of me when I got wasted one night, and I took care of him one night when he got drunk. He gave me the drunken "i love you" speech which I didn't fall for, but then his friends said how he talks about me all day when I'm not around, and he probably does have strong feelings for me. We decided we wanted this to be more than a fling, and we want to work out a relationship. It was his idea, and I agree 100%. First, I want to know if that's a horrible idea. Second, he mentioned that he leaves for school July 7, I believe. Hes going to some military academy, according to what he told me. Welll I googled him when I got home, found out that his band (which he told me about) actually has a show scheduled for July 9 and later dates. This confuses me and I don't know if I should approach him about it. Or should I make an attempt at this relationship and wait and bring it up later down the road. I feel a strong bond between us. There is definitely something there. His closest friends even said so. My best friend even heard him talking so highly of me when I wasn't around... I feel like this is legit. But my moms so against it, and my dad, surprisingly, thinks something casual would be okay. What do you think I should do?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 14, 2010, 04:08 PM

I think it was probably a vacation fling frenzy.
Give it a while to cool off. If he contacts you before he goes away to wherever he's going, band tour or Military, take it one day at a time from there.
What ever he is doing with his time at this point is really none of your business (you guys had a vacation fling, that's all at this point) and to question him would be a bit much.

redhead1992 · Jun 14, 2010, 04:30 PM

Well he left on Saturday, and has been texting me since. He texted me all night Saturday, all day yesterday and today, and I didn't have to initiate the conversation. That's what leads me to believe he might care. One of his other friends just told me that the old him wouldn't have said all those things meaningfully but lately he doesn't know what goes on in the boys head

Homegirl 50 · Jun 14, 2010, 04:51 PM

Well he still has spring vacation fever too.
Take it slow. You two may have had a good time but niether of you really know the other. You have known each other for a week.

redhead1992 · Jun 15, 2010, 01:25 PM

Which is why I want to get to know him better? I'm asking if that's wrong? Or if I should just let this all go.

BabyGurlXo · Jun 15, 2010, 01:33 PM

No don't let go don't get too serious when he's away..
But when he comes back that's when you too can get to no each other better:)

Homegirl 50 · Jun 15, 2010, 02:44 PM

Let what all go? You guys have not gone anywhere yet.
Get to know each other, see if there is anything there beside vacation fever. Don't take this so serious.

redhed35 · Jun 15, 2010, 03:17 PM

Maybe he was lying about military school,maybe he got the dates confused,maybe its his friends band and he just said that because he thought it would be cool,who knows,what you do know is you don't know him very well,you met on vacation,where 'normal' is having fun and getting wasted as you say.

Take a step back,get on with your life as your normal and see what happens,the tan will fade and his feeling and yours may fade as well,don't stress,and see what happens,without waiting for something to happen.

redhead1992 · Jun 16, 2010, 07:02 PM

Thanks everybody. But I just found out that he cheated on his girlfriend with me. So there's my answer.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 16, 2010, 07:18 PM

I'm sorry
At least you found out before you invested anymore time.
Now if he tries to call, text you, do not respond.

redhead1992 · Jun 17, 2010, 11:15 AM

I'm just trying now, to figure out how to get over this. I think his girlfriend has the right to know. Other people have agreed with me here, but I don't know if its my place to tell her. He says he will, but I can't go on his word.

He's the first guy I've ever done so much with sexually and that I've felt so close to emotionally. Like, I've felt close to guys before, but not like him. I don't know what I'm going to do now.

redhed35 · Jun 17, 2010, 11:18 AM

Its not your business,its his,he cheated on hs girlfriend,all those cosy chats and intimate moments are tinged now because he was cheating.

Learn from this,don't dive into a romantic relationship so quickly in the future,mind your heart,and don't allow this guy to take up any more of your head or heart space.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2010, 01:11 PM

Originally Posted by redhead1992

im just trying now, to figure out how to get over this. i think his girlfriend has the right to know. other people have agreed with me here, but idk if its my place to tell her. He says he will, but i can't go on his word.

hes the first guy ive ever done so much with sexually and that ive felt so close to emotionally. like, ive felt close to guys before, but not like him. i don't know what im going to do now.

You two did not have a relationship. You had a vacation fling.
It is not your place or your business to tell his girl anything.
I told you before, you don't really know him. Leave this guy alone, and move on.

redhead1992 · Jun 17, 2010, 06:29 PM

Homegirl, you're right, and you're wrong. You didn't feel what I felt. It felt like more. And I truly think it was, because me and him have spent so much time on the phone since vacation... before and after the girlfriend thing came out... especially after. So please don't make it sound like its so easy to get over, when in reality, you didn't have the feelings, so you don't know how tough it truly is for me.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2010, 10:24 PM

I never said it was easy, I never said your feeling were not real, but it was a vacation fling. You two were not a couple, you did not have a relationship and you still don't.
He cheated on his girl with you. Why are you still talking to him?
You are in what week two? Cut this loose before you invest more time and feelings.

Unless he leaves his girl friend, and you have proof that he has (and then you need to consider he is prone to cheat) You don't really know him, you really need to leave him alone.

redhead1992 · Jun 24, 2010, 06:36 PM

So I figured this would just be merged anyway...

I've tried to leave it alone, as has he, but we've both been contacting each other infrequently. We tried to talk about how we both felt on the phone but both had trouble putting thoughts into words and I had to tell him goodbye because talking to him was too hard. He and his girlfriend broke up, but are working things out and getting back together. I know I've lost. I'm not trying anymore, but I was able to write out a three page letter about how I feel. I feel like if I send it, it might help me get closure. A couple of my frineds agreed, and a couple feel it will bring drama.

What do you all think?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 24, 2010, 06:45 PM

I think you should burn it.
They are trying to put their relationship back together. Leave them alone.
Move on.

Kitkat22 · Jun 24, 2010, 07:53 PM

Let it go! You were a fling! If he cheated on her with you, then he'll cheat on her with someone else. She'll find out. No need to tell her. It takes two.

positiveparent · Jun 25, 2010, 06:38 PM

Yes burn the letter and let that be your way of letting it go, its sad but true holiday flings rarely last and as he is trying to work it out with his g/f then its obvious he has chosen to stay with her, put this down to experience.

I understand you feel hurt and you had hoped for more, but just consider if he cheated his g/f with you he would have done the same to you, so in one respect you've had a lucky escape.

You'll get over this, in a short while and hopefully you'll have learned from it, it's a hard lesson to learn but once learned you'll be wiser and stronger.

Good Luck.

It will get better as the days pass...

Homegirl 50 · Jun 25, 2010, 06:52 PM

Originally Posted by positiveparent

Yes burn the letter and let that be your way of letting it go, its sad but true holiday flings rarely last and as he is trying to work it out with his g/f then its obvious he has chosen to stay with her, put this down to experience.

I understand you feel hurt and you had hoped for more, but just consider if he cheated his g/f with you he would have done the same to you, so in one respect youve had a lucky escape.

Youll get over this, in a short while and hopefully youll have learned from it, its a hard lesson to learn but once learned youll be wiser and stronger.

Good Luck.

It will get better as the days pass...

Nicely put.
Have to spread some rep.