[talaniman]

we started our relationship 5 months back and everything was going so very smoothly.

No wonder there is conflict such as these. Two strangers jumping into a highly committed situation is a big red flag that you are moving to fast before you know enough of each other. Heck properly date a year before you even live together.

What's the freaking hurry?? No wonder the expectations are so high, and this thing is so rushed.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn.
Happens all the time when you get carried away by intense feelings, and disregard the facts.

[loving_you]

Whats the freaking hurry???? No wonder the expectations are so high, and this thing is so rushed.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn.
Happens all the time when you get carried away by intense feelings, and disregard the facts.

We never had such thoughts about our relationship until lately she told me her friends told her like,''it seems we r going too fast and that changed her mentality... it seems she listens more to her friends than to us...

And before that also when we first fell in love.. there were so many questions ad apprehensions like these but she was never ever bothered about anyone...

[talaniman]

She seems to be slowing things down now, and that's a good thing for you both.

[loving_you]

I also felt the same and I I'm really not against what she is trying to do if that's going to be better for both of us and our future and our kids including her's...

Still somewhere back in my mind,I do have a little fear that she must be chatting with someone else as I see her online for hours and hours without sending any message to me and I did not too.

Do you think she fancy someone else?I know I'm sounding very stupid and naïve right now but that is how I feel somewhere in the back of my mind...

So please suggest or help them to face it please...

[Cat1864]

still somewhere back in my mind,i do have a little fear that she must be chatting with someone else as i see her online for hours and hours without sending any message to me and i did not too.

do u think she fancy someone else?i know im sounding very stupid and naive right now but that is how i feel somewhere in the back of my mind...

How can you see that she is on-line for hours? She may do what I do and sign on but continue doing other things at the same time. I am sure that she has other on-line interests than chatting and that she does have other friends that she has met on-line (and I do not mean 'boyfriends').

Do you not have any other interests than keeping tabs on what she is doing?

[loving_you]

Yeah I can see she is online in Yahoo because it shows available status and mine too... but we haven't exchanged messages.
Well she is almost all the time on net.I have known this since long.but now seeing her being online and not exchanging any message with me makes me sad thinking she must be chatting someone else that she is interested upon because she has been online for very long time yesterday as well as today and even now also I can see her available status on Yahoo. :(

[Benbostian]

Ok, My advice is, don't change for anyone. You should be selfish.. You want her to be yours and only yours so be selfish don't change.. You will most likely regret changing especially if you get hurt again later..

[loving_you]

Thanks for the advice Benbostian... but then selfishness and narrow-mindedness are something because of which I have screwed up in this love... if it was something to do with my nature that has been since my birth then I wouldnot have want to change myself as it is always respectable to love someone for who they are.. and if you don't then better go for someone who will acknowledge you for who you are...

But here,I want to work on this narrow-mindedness and selfishness part of me though I haven't not bothered her that much to an extent as what she thinks...
Back in my mind, I feel like she has been influenced by her friend and brainwashed,, and what wonders me is how could she get influenced because she is not a kid anymore.. she is way matured...

[Jake2008]

I hope that posting here is giving you some peace. At least you can post your thoughts and feelings, and get some feedback.

Not to flog a dead horse, I am curious as you describe yourself as too sensitive, narrow minded and selfish.

Would you have described yourself the same way with your prior relatioships? I ask because in one of your past relationships, your then girlfriend cheated on you, and if you were the same person then, as you are now, did you feel somehow responsible that it happened?

Do you think you are heading down that path again?

[loving_you]

Very good question Jake... but I wasn't and that was never the case in my previous relationship... not at all...
Here with my current girlfriend, its true we had some mentality clashes.. she is kind of too very easy going from her side but she nevre made me realize that till now.. she was there for me almost all the time whenever I needed...
And sometimes when she failed to answer my phone,I used to be sad and tell her she doesn't not care about me.but when I think well,I should not have said such because she was working.and even after working also there could have been any reason for she missing out on my calls.she might have been busy, she might have just missed my call,or maybe the cellfone was not with her.. thats what she told me.. but then as alwaz we human realizes things later.whether its true from their part or not, we alwayz realizes things later ad we blame ourself for the wrong that happned between our lovers because we love them...

[loving_you]

Just an update,she sent me a short message and recommended two songs:::: Another day by Lemar and coming home by Lemar... I listened to both the songs and I'm confused what she is trying to say... sounds positive though.


She have also mentioned two other songs she likes :::
IF THERE'S ANY JUSTICE... and 50/50.. both by Lemar.
Lyrics are kind of ugggggh... im confused listening to the songs she recommended and then the 2 songs that she said she likes too...

[Jake2008]

Now there is a good example of something just innocently passed along as a neutral way to communicate something.

May be she just likes the melody, she may think you would like the songs.

Most likely it isn't anything to bet the farm on a correct interpretation.

She could also be just sending along something to let you know she's thinking about you.

Try not to dig too deep. It was probably just a nice thing to do.

[loving_you]

Seems like it...
Please Jake,help me understand... what is the best I should do at this situation but also want to make sure I don't lose her.yeah very obvious, I can't force or push her though.. still whatever I do, maintain the distance of writig to her or any sort,, I will be very sad if that will in real create permanent distance btween us.. please help...

[talaniman]

Why can't you just be nice, and send her some nice romantic songs back? You really are making this a lot harder than it has to be. If you have to be told step by step how to woo your girl, then you don't deserve to have her.

[loving_you]

Hahahah Talaniman... u really sound so very correct... im sorry for asking all these questions.. but here I am very nearvous that is why I may sound very stupid.
But still your idea was amazing... wow... let me quickly try that...

[Jake2008]

Hmmmm, if I were her.

You know what I'd like? (other than a back massage and somebody to fix my knee) I would love to receive a hand written letter. Yes, hand written. Pen and paper.

Enclose a few rose petals- just a few, not a yard or anything. There is something really special about non-electronic communication, I hereby dub it, NEC.

If you do that, it shows so many things. Time, patience, thoughtfullness. And who knows, she may find it equally appealing and write you back.

Maybe distance between contacts would slow things down a bit, and give her a chance to breathe.

[loving_you]

True Jake,but trust me,I have always done that.. so far in these 5 months I have sent so many hand written letters to her and say about 50 or 60 emails and everyday offline messages too... maybe I overdid everything.

Even day before yesterday I also thought about sending her a hand written letter but then it takes several days for her to receive it because of our location.I would have surely done that.because I would also feel more loved and cared through hand written letter than electronic device of communication.

[Jake2008]

"jake she officially left me and im weeping....i had to depend on sleeping pills to get sum rest for myself.im deeply hurt and in severe pains ad mental unrest..."

It seems like the reality of the end of the relationship has hit you like a ton of bricks. It's very sad to think that this will not work out for you, with her.

I am really sorry that you are going through this right now. It is hard to lose someone you love, under any circumstances.

Grieving has begun. I know it's hard, but try to look at this as going through what you need to, in order to heal, and come out stronger on the other side.

I think its safe to say that you will learn much from reflecting upon the relationship; the good, the bad, what you have learned, what you will bring into future relationships.

Allow yourself time to heal. This will get better every day I promise you. Keep busy, and at least promise yourself that you will get out every day, even if it's just for a walk to clear your head.

Maybe consider a diary to write out your thoughts and emotions when this hits hardest. Writing things out may seem like a chore, but it is a very good way to help you through this.

I don't know when this 'officially' happened, but you may wish to consider counselling to help you through. Even once a week to speak to someone face to face to help you understand and move past this easier.

There is no easy way around it, as much as you don't want to face the day, do your best to take care of yourself. Keep to a routine, and keep busy.

You will feel better and more settled, even a week from now.

Take care.