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mudweiser · May 11, 2010, 06:55 AM

I have a friend that has two kids, 1 YR & 3 YR and a dog. She asked me to watch her children from Friday morning till Sunday night. She's going out of town for a funeral, and she doesn't really trust many people with her kids, so I agreed and took the weekend off from work for "personal reasons".

So last night we were talking about how much she would pay me and she said $75 and I know that is dirt cheap because I asked around and most sitters charge $100-$200 for an overnight weekend. I don't know how to bring this up to her, how do I say it?

I'm losing money by not going to work, I knew that already, but I can't do the weekend for $75-- I have school in September and bills to pay.

How should I tell her? The whole talking about money makes me uncomfortable, I usually try to avoid the subject as much as I can...

Help!

cdad · May 11, 2010, 07:14 AM

Your biggest problem is you have used the F-word. That's right you said it "Friend". When your talking friends then scale goes out the window. Since the funeral is unplanned type of event. She is garnering extra expenses already. This is one area that all parents seek compromise in. When mine were younger we used to trade off with friends and there was no expectation of money to be exchanged. To me the money she is offering is a bonus and not a payment. It was your choice to take time off work. You could have said no. So you might have to suck it up and file this under the "she owes me one" category. Otherwise what your really asking for is wages to watch kids. It's a tough call.

mudweiser · May 11, 2010, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

Your biggest problem is you have used the F-word. Thats right you said it "Friend". When your talking friends then scale goes out the window. Since the funeral is unplanned type of event. She is garnering extra expenses already. This is one area that all parents seek compromise in. When mine were younger we used to trade off with friends and there was no expectation of money to be exchanged. To me the money she is offering is a bonus and not a payment. It was your choice to take time off of work. You could have said no. So you might have to suck it up and file this under the "she owes me one" catagory. Otherwise what your really asking for is wages to watch kids. Its a tough call.

Thanks. Well I could have said no but then she would have not gone to the funeral, and I felt bad to say no- oh well. She doesn't have any major expenses. She's going to an old friend's mother's funeral, and her friend already paid for her train ticket over.

Bah! It is a tough call.

I hate the guy who invented money.

artlady · May 11, 2010, 07:23 AM

You are really in a tough spot there my friend.

The only thing I could suggest is that you ask her to supply the kids food and or any snacks as *times are tight* on your end and you will be losing pay over the week-end.(hint ,hint)

It's a round about way of broaching the subject and you have to hope she gets the *hint*.

If not,I guess you are just going to have to file this under,I wish I knew how to say no!

Hopefully someday she can return the favor.

Good luck hon,sounds like you are going to have your hands full.Actually,work sounds like a vacation compared to three kids under the age of five!

mudweiser · May 11, 2010, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by artlady

You are really in a tough spot there my friend.

The only thing I could suggest is that you ask her to supply the kids food and or any snacks as *times are tight* on your end and you will be losing pay over the week-end.(hint ,hint)

Its a round about way of broaching the subject and you have to hope she gets the *hint*.

If not,I guess you are just going to have to file this under,I wish I knew how to say no!

Hopefully someday she can return the favor.

Good luck hon,sounds like you are going to have your hands full.Actually,work sounds like a vacation compared to three kids under the age of five!

Thanks Arsty-kins :)

Well I do wish I knew how to say no.. Haha! This weekend I will be pulling some hair out. Rachel will at least have fun with her friend, but the baby oh gosh, he cries so much and that darn dog-- he just loves to urinate and poop everywhere in the house. I can't bring Phoenix over since the dog will attack it so I guess my poor kitty will have to stay over with my neighbor :(

I'm staying over at her house so the whole food thing is taken care for. I'm making big foods that weekend so I don't have to cook [like casserole, lasagna--- foods that seems to last a while].

Ah.. well I'm seeing her at 12:00 I'll try to make it $100, because I know she wants to pay me but she just doesn't know how much to pay me... I definitely don't want to say $200. Haha!

As for the whole "you owe me one" thing, I don't think so. I don't really trust her with Rachel. I've seen her watch other kids and she doesn't take care of them very well. :eek:

smoothy · May 11, 2010, 07:30 AM

I'm going to have to say just be honest with her. Say you can't afford to take time off work and lose money for only $75. Tell her you value her friendship but you just can't afford to do it at this time... and find a way to actually work those days.

A true friend might be upset for a bit... but a true friend will also understand the situation YOU are in.

Now, WHO the funeral is for does matter a great deal. If its for a Parent or sibling its one thing... but if its for someone they once knew, that's another.

I've known too many "Freinds" over the years that are all too quick to impose on ME when they want something but went running the moment "I" needed something.

There is a lot of juggling here. Some people have earned it, others haven't. I would not go out of my way and at my expense to that degree for most of the people I know... only a very select few.

Jake2008 · May 11, 2010, 07:33 AM

That's tricky.

If you do decide to tell her that you can't afford to sit for $75.00, make sure you have a dollar figure in mind, maybe $150.00

She is asking a big favour, and she knows that you're losing money to do this for her. $75.00 just doesn't cut it.

But, it may be too late now anyway. If she already has her train tickets, and thinks that you're okay to go for the weekend, this could turn things upside down and cause bitterness.

I agree with maybe letting this one go. Hopefully she is the kind of friend who will reciprocate sometime down the road for you.

smoothy · May 11, 2010, 07:35 AM

OK... the posts that were made as I was composing my answer.

Its NOT an important trip for her to make... and NOT enough to put YOU out money for.

mudweiser · May 11, 2010, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by smoothy

I'm going to have to say just be honest with her. Say you can't afford to take time off work and lose money for only $75. Tell her you value her friendship but you just can't afford to do it at this time... and find a way to actually work those days.

I wish I could squeeze in work. Maybe Sunday night but otherwise I can't I'm going to be with them from Friday morning till Sunday night non stop. Good luck to me.

A true friend might be upset for a bit... but a true friend will also understand the situation YOU are in.

Thanks, good point!

Now, WHO the funeral is for does matter a great deal. If its for a Parent or sibling its one thing... but if its for someone they once knew, that's another.

I've known too many "Freinds" over the years that are all too quick to impose on ME when they want something but went running the moment "I" needed something.

Certainly sounds familiar... I feel like that at times.

There is a lot of juggling here. Some people have earned it, others haven't. I would not go out of my way and at my expense to that degree for most of the people I know... only a very select few.

I guess I will have to learn to say no.

Thanks for the advice smoothy.

mudweiser · May 12, 2010, 03:50 AM

--- well no need to worry. I told her $150 and she said she was okay with that. I told her the truth that talking about money with friends makes me feel awkward.

Fewf.

artlady · May 12, 2010, 06:58 AM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

--- well no need to worry. I told her $150 and she said she was okay with that. I told her the truth that talking about money with friends makes me feel awkward.

Fewf.

Good for you!:D

dontknownuthin · May 17, 2010, 01:53 PM

Good move - that was smart. I think people get themselves into trouble when they pressure themselves to answer in the moment. Maybe next time someone makes a request of you, answer with, "Let me check my schedule and I'll get back to you after dinner". That way you can take a minute to think about all the ramifications of the request, and call back prepared to put your own needs on equal parity with those of the person asking the favor.

If you're still concerned about the pet accidents, perhaps you can offer to stay at her house, where the kids can sleep in their own beds, have their own toys, and you won't risk your carpet to her pets. Also if it's at her house, she can be expected to have groceries on hand to feed everyone.

Take care!