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matt3112 · May 7, 2010, 09:10 AM

My girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me a couple of months ago after I was dianosed with depression. We weren't together and I became close to another girl but didn't specifically like her in that way. We kissed on a few occasions, that's it. My exgirlfriend wanted to get back with me but I told her that I kissed that girl once. She freaked. And I went back to a highly depressive state. She saw round that and we began getting close again and there seemed like we were going to get back together. But then she asked if did anymore and I couldn't lie anymore. I told we kissed more than once. Now it seems she won't believe anything I see. I don't blame her. But I still love her. What shall I do?

CarrotTalker · May 7, 2010, 10:34 AM

I don't blame your ex for not believing what you saying, at first you said you only kissed once, then it came out later that you kissed more than once. I am sure your ex is saying "What else did they do?"

What made you tell her you kissed only once, when you really didn't? Were there any trust issues during your relationship?

Your best bet is to tell her you are sorry (if you actually are) and you hope you can work through it. Then its up to her if she wants to build trust with you again.

I wish · May 7, 2010, 11:09 AM

Why would you lie? How is she suppose to believe you now?

Do what you can to earn her trust back, such as apologizing, etc. But you can't force her to forgive you, at this point, it's up to her if she wants to give you another chance.

You need to face the consequences of your actions. Hopefully you will learn from your mistakes and not repeat them.

The other point I wanted to make was that you went on a break for a reason. If you can't repair the damage that caused the break in the first place, then things will blow up again even if you get back together. Now that you lied, there's a much bigger rift and it's going to take a lot more work to repair.

Take it one step at the time. It's going to take time and patience to regain her trust.

Cat1864 · May 7, 2010, 11:23 AM

How old are both of you?

Backing up just a little bit. Did you two work through the problems that caused her to break up with you in the first place? If not, then that will just make fixing this issue harder.

Quite frankly, I think lying over a couple of kisses is probably only part of the problem. Before you were diagnosed did anything happen that caused her to begin to mistrust you then? Did this continue a problem from the relationship? If the 'lying' hadn't occurred, would she have found something else to 'freak out' about and postpone getting back together? After all, she did 'freak out' about 'one' kiss that happened after you weren't a couple..

I think you both need to take it slow. I am not sure if either of you have worked through the break up (not break) and healed from it. Yes, you can rebound with the person you just broke up with if you haven't thrown out the old baggage.

For future reference, when you break up with someone, you lose the privilege of asking them about other people they are seeing. She had no more right to ask about what you were up to after you broke up, than you do asking her.

Jake2008 · May 8, 2010, 05:37 AM

I don't happen to think that you are a dirty rotten scoundrel!

You were broken up; by her initiative, not yours. Also to note that she dumped you during a time you were diagnosed with depression. Just when you thought you could count on her.

And after you were broken up, you kissed a girl- twice. Big deal!

She had no longer any vested interest in the relationship, because the relationship was over. Quite a nerve to be angry with you for kissing another girl, when she wanted nothing to do with you.

I think the bigger issue here in the demise of the relationship, was your girlfriend bailing on you when you needed her help and support the most. Solid relationships between two loving people normally would see the couple working together to overcome a problem. She did the opposite.

Not a great catch in my opinion.

artlady · May 8, 2010, 05:46 AM

I think you should concentrate on YOU and your issues with depression and work through that before you attempt any relationship.

You cannot rely on others for your mental or emotional well being.

If, every time you have an issue in a relationship you fall into a depression,you need to rethink what your expectations are in a relationship and decide if they are realistic.

You must be emotionally healthy as a single person before you can ever hope to be in a healthy relationship.

Fix what is ailing you first and the rest will most likely fall into place.

Fr_Chuck · May 8, 2010, 06:40 AM

Agreed, you could kiss a 100 girls when you were broke up, you were free to do so, and she may have kissed a dozen boys,

What you did when you were broke up is first none of her business.

Next the issue is that you lied, you could have told her that it was private and that you were broke up. Or you tell her the truth. You don't lie.

What was the reason you broke up to start with, was that fixed.

I would say first , go find some new girlfriends ( yes friends) date several people, kiss several girls,

Next work on getting you better

Ash123 · May 8, 2010, 04:17 PM

You didn't do much wrong... You both are insecure and may be forcing this relationship. How old are you? Focus on school and career first always... Sounds boring but what girl wants a guy without a firm plan and goals? Girls that don't have any either :-) joking aside - don't panic. If it is to be it will be. You learned a lesson about lying... to be honest, you may have been more honest than she was ready for - ha.

Homegirl 50 · May 8, 2010, 05:35 PM

You kissed a girl while you and your girl friend were broke up, big deal. You probably lied about it because you were glad to have her back.
I think you need to get your mental well being together before you get worked up over this girl. She did leave you when you were down. Think twice about this girl.
I wish you well.