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whatisthis3 · Apr 28, 2010, 09:31 PM

She now tells me part of the reason they broke up was cause of me

talaniman · Apr 28, 2010, 10:35 PM

And that means what exactly to you??

whatisthis3 · May 1, 2010, 09:14 AM

That I'm not a rebound

talaniman · May 1, 2010, 09:41 AM

You're not a boyfriend either, you're a make out buddy, and occasional date.

whatisthis3 · May 1, 2010, 06:48 PM

What's plaintiff?
You are right. How do I make her want to be boyfriend/girlfriend?
Cause right now I feel like I'm doing a lot of the chasing. How do I play hard to get? Any rules?

talaniman · May 1, 2010, 08:46 PM

She has controlled this whole thing from the get go, and you should have stop chasing a long time ago. Now she has what she wants her freedom, and you to fool around with whenever she wants which is better than the long distance stuff she had before.

Even the guilt trip of "she broke up because of you" that she laid on you was nothing but making sure you would keep coming back to chase her some more.

And yes you would be a rebound and NO, you stop chasing she gets mad, and replaces you. She is single and free. How do I know this? Simply because if she broke up because of you then she would be with you, she isn't. She also told you she would not get in another relationship until AFTER senior year, and your juniors.

Do the math, that means never for you dude. Now you want to change her mind from her grand plan, and run your own. Frankly, its to late. No there are no rules to manipulate someone's thinking and live happily ever after, or even to have a title to go with the kissy face stuff you get from time to time.

Now that's the truth as I know it, and can predict any strategy you come up with will drive her away to someone who does it her way, and I doubt its you.

I doubt you can leave her alone now ant ways because you have chased this far when you should have quit long ago, but you can be honest and tell her what YOU want and see what she says but be prepared for a lot of anger and emotion, but at least you will be dealing with reality, and not the false hope that you have now.

You may get lucky, or you may get replaced, since she really can't dump you, just reject your idea of what will happen next.

You want a rule? Here are a few!

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

Talaniman Rule #1- Never ever get involved with a committed person, ever never!!!!!!

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule- leave girls with boyfriends alone, and don't hold your breathe waiting for them to fail.

Talaniman Rule- If one female isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

Talaniman Rule- Get your own girlfriend and leave the other guys alone.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, thats just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

As you can see you have already broken a lot of rules, and it doesn't look good, so try some straight honesty, or keep playing kissy face, as long as she lets you. Actually I think she is using you not for a rebound, but as an emotional tampon to get over the ex.

cdad · May 2, 2010, 05:22 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

you want a rule? Here are a few!

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.

Talaniman Rule - Never ever get to close to a person that has a committed partner in their lives.

Talaniman Rule #1- Never ever get involved with a committed person, ever never!!!!!!

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and thats only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule- leave girls with boyfriends alone, and don't hold your breathe waiting for them to fail.

Talaniman Rule- If one female isn't available, there are millions that are. Don't get stuck on one who is BUSY with other things.

Talaniman Rule- Get your own girlfriend and leave the other guys alone.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, thats just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

As you can see you have already broken a lot of rules, and it doesn't look good, so try some straight honesty, or keep playing kissy face, as long as she lets you. Actually I think she is using you not for a rebound, but as an emotional tampon to get over the ex.

If this isn't a sticky then it should be. Its great advice for anyone seeking to start or even end a relationship. It shows what to expect from both sides of the mirror.

whatisthis3 · May 2, 2010, 04:23 PM

She wanted to study yesterday,
We did, we made out once again for 2-3 hours, and we touched each other, a lot, I fondled her breasts

Anyway. After, she said we should study today too
And I was like OK sure

Then today, she said oh maybe we shouldn't study with each other, we need to concentrate, I guess I kind of got mad. She was acting kind of different, and I asked her if she was OK, she said she was fine, and I said if she was sure, and this bothered her, she said That she hates having to explain her self to someone, and she's feeling like she needs to explain herself to me, I said she doesn't have to and she said "if I say im ok, Im fine". I said OK sorry I kept asking, and she said OK ill ttyl

I was totally kept in check. I need the power back. And I know she likes me a lot, I;ve just been to available to her. If I started backing off, she'd try hard to get me back. But at the moment, what should I do?
I am going to be burnt by the next posts, I can feel it

Homegirl 50 · May 2, 2010, 05:19 PM

She is totally setting you up to be a toy that she will play with when she wants and under her terms and you are foolishly playing right into her hands. She likes you, she only likes you, you are a toy a distraction and you can be ruled.
Grow a pair dude. She is not the only girl in the world and you definitely are not the only boy for her.
She got rid of that long time boy friend (after she cheated) so she can play and she is playing with you.

Originally Posted by whatisthis3

whats plantiff?
you are right. how do i make her wanna be boyfriend/girlfriend?
Cause right now I feel like i'm doing a lot of the chasing. How do I play hard to get? any rules?

She does not want you as a boy friend. She only wants to play.
You are not going to get what you want with her. Wake up and pay attention dude!

whatisthis3 · May 2, 2010, 06:17 PM

So how do I make her want me as a boyfriend? Like
You need to think about it.
She won't get into one anytime soon, since she doesn't want to seem like a girl whod get over someone in amonth and date someone else again

What can I change?

Enigma1999 · May 2, 2010, 06:30 PM

I have to ask; What is so special about this girl that you can't even see straight?

I liked Tmans last rule the best: Don't play games with your heart and don't let anybody else play games with it either...

That's exactly what's going on here. You are making yourself way too available for her!

She is calling all of the shots! You need to slow down or perhps come to a screeching halt!

I can see, well we all can, that you really like this girl. However, she cheated and just broke up with this guy. Take a step back and re-think this situation; you could be that next guy that she does that too. Does that make sense?

I wish · May 2, 2010, 06:47 PM

Unfortunately, you can't force someone to have the same feelings for you. If you have feelings for her, then let her know how you feel. If she's interested, she will let you know.

Even if she's not ready to be your girlfriend, but interested in getting to know you better, she will give you an indication.

If she doesn't show you any of these signs, then she doesn't like you more than a friend. Take silence as a rejection.

Furthermore, her friendliness can easily be mistaken for something more. So watch out for that.

Bottom line, if she had feelings for you, she would let you know.

Homegirl 50 · May 2, 2010, 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by whatisthis3

so how do i make her want me as a boyfriend? Like
you need to think about it.
She wont get into one anytime soon, since she doesn't want to seem like a girl who get over someone in a month and date someone else again

what can I change?

You cannot make someone want you. She either wants you as a boyfriend or she doesn't.
She is making out with you but she does not want to seem like a girl who'd get over someone in a month. What is she doing then? What will she do when she is over him?

This girl is free to play around and that's what she is doing with you. If she really wanted you as a boyfriend you would be her boyfriend. The fact that she is giving you the run around should tell you something. She is messing around with you but she's not serious about you. She does not like you the way you like her. It's really pretty obvious.

whatisthis3 · May 3, 2010, 06:18 AM

We are in a weird relationship. We are 17
We are talking, and like each other a lot, we just don't want to get in to a relationship due to the complications that could arise.
We make out and kiss each other too
We are not exclusive, nor have determined any kind of rules

She recently told me not to get bothered if she says someone else is cute, and that we should feel no attachment towards each other, I felt the same way.
She told me she thinks this other guy is cute, cause they've recently started talking a lot.
And it seems like she's playing hard to get with me

The thing is, how do I act so she can just go back to liking me and only me?
Like perhaps go into a exclusive relationship

J_9 · May 3, 2010, 06:22 AM

What happened to her boyfriend?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...462072-10.html

whatisthis3 · May 3, 2010, 06:49 AM

She is in the process of getting over him. When he visits, she is going to end things with him completely, because she has been giving him a little false hope lately

Aneles2012 · May 3, 2010, 08:32 PM

It seems like this girl is putting you through way more trouble than she is worth... After all this you *really* still want to be with her? Come on, you deserve better than that, no one is worth this much trouble. And after all this, if she doesn't want to be exclusive, then I think she's playing you, she using you for her own gain and then just throwing you away when she doesn't need you again. But like a foolish little puppy, you keep going back to her, and she knows that. She has you in the palm of her hand and she is loving every minute of it.

whatisthis3 · May 3, 2010, 11:05 PM

Mm so I should see someone else!

whatisthis3 · May 4, 2010, 12:11 AM

Ok, so I guess we're in a non-exclusive relationship.
Like I'm starting to feel that way too, I want to meet other girls. I guess that's good right? It'd be nice to have her exclusively, but for now, I'm content with where I am. I get the physical aspects of a relationship, with no strings or other messy stuff, with the freedom to meet new girls! This is pretty good actually.

But I still do get jealous if she might like another guy.. which I guess is kind of normal, but is not good for an nonexclusive thing. But I'm starting to accept that fact more and more as time goes on, after all, I could like any girl I wanted too.
And maybe after a while, she'll want to be exclusive with me. If it all fails, okay there's more people.
I really appreciate everyone's help! I may be posting more often..

talaniman · May 4, 2010, 05:07 AM

You say in one breath how you want to meet other girls, but then talk of jealousy if she does.

That should give you some insights in this nonexclusive relationship. That means protect yourself, and don't get so deep you can't get out.

Sounds like friends with a few benefits, or kissy, touchy feely, with no strings attached, make out buddies.

Its fun if you accept it and don't expect more, but things are never that simple just because I suspect she would be rather possessive of you. Doesn't mean love mind you, but jealousy can make one possessive. Same goes for you.