[amicon]

Good luck and take care-I hope all works out for the best.

[mattimeo_boyd]

The last words spoke (texted) lol with my ex

Ex: "The reason I haven't ben talking to you is I don't know how to besides how I used to. And we aren't at that same place anymore. I still want to be able to talk to you because I enjoy it. But I can't like we used to because we aren't what we were."

Input?

[talaniman]

OPEN HONEST DIRECT DIALOG, is seriously lacking!

She needs the love, without the romance! You start by admitting your helpless in knowing what you should do for her, during her time of duress, anguish and pain, and listen EXTREMELY CLOSE, to what she says.

What have you been doing since your last post? Have you been supportive? How? Have you been talking? About what?

Put this in a better context for us.

[mattimeo_boyd]

Tonight she told me she dates to marry, and right now in her life she doesn't know what she wants or needs.

We haven't seen or had a serious talk in almost 2 weeks. She say's she doesn't want to hurt me. I tell her I would rather know the truth, than believe in some lie.

[KISS]

The message has a sense of depression in it. Depression sometimes happens with chronic conditions.

"Dating to marry" is instinctive for her. What may have happened is this turned into "I'm not good material for you" thus she falls deeper into depression.

I'm going to recommend counseling.

[mattimeo_boyd]

The thing that is upsetting me is that all of this is being done over text message. I don't like texting, especially with serious matters. She always says we can talk about it "soon" then a couple days go by and all I get is a couple texts. Tonight she texted me and said we'll talk after she cuts her brothers hair. An hour later she says we'll talk "soon soon promise" and now I'm going to try and get some sleep because I have my Washington Educator Skills Test tomorrow at 7am.

[KISS]

Hey, give her credit. She's trying.

Ask her if she would be willing to write you a letter (email) containing her feelings, her thoughts on herself, what direction does she plan to take in the relationship or otherwise. Tell her a don''t know is an OK response.

Ask her of her concerns and more important what YOU can do for her. You can start with your email.

At least there will be dialog.

[talaniman]

Sorry to say the texting, and not seeing each other is not good for the communications, and despite wanting resolution, you will never get it the way your going.

I don't know her feelings but her actions say she is weaning herself from you and putting you in the friend zone.

It may be time to disappear because putting off a talk to get you both on the same page usually is not a good sign, and you may have to resign yourself to that.

I think you leave her alone for a week, completely, no calls, no texts, and see if you can be doing your own thing without her. Enjoy yourself, and leave this limbo behind you for a while.

You trying to communicate with her is annoying, since what she wanted was space, so see this as a break up, regroup, and let her tell you when her space time is over. That may take years, or until she breaks up with you.

I think, despite what you have posted, you have been pushing for a resolution to all this, and have not allowed her space enough to miss you, and that usually drives a partner further away, so disappear for your own good, and see if your perspective changes. The worse thing you can do is keep pushing for explanations, or face time, because that will only frustrate you further, and make things worse. That's not giving someone space, and is an extreme turn off.

Sorry guy, but when they ask for space, you give it to them, and do your own thing, and as you enjoy yourself, without bothering them, then they can think without any influence from you, and you aren't showing them stress, and frustration.

[mattimeo_boyd]

I agree completely with you Talaniman. In the past, I wouldn't have any contact with my ex girlfriends after we broke up and a couple weeks later they would want to get back together or I realized I wanted to be alone and enjoy myself.

I just have never loved anyone like I do this girl. My head wasn't clear and it's obvious I made some dumb decisions.

I told her today I'm going to respect her wishes and don't want to force anything. I'm giving her the space she wants and told her I'm happy she's being honest with me and herself.

Hopefully I get to see her before I go back to Alaska in June to work for the summer.

[mattimeo_boyd]

So I have a problem. I previously told her, my ex, that I'm going to be having a party at the beginning of May when my roommate goes out of town and she texted me today asking if she can come.

[talaniman]

Of course she can, why not??

[mattimeo_boyd]

I just want to enjoy myself and don't want any drama to come from her being there.

[talaniman]

There can only be drama if you allow yourself to see drama. No reason you shouldn't have a great time, as she is but one person. There will be many others there as well.

[mattimeo_boyd]

Threads Merged


My girlfriend and I have been broken up for a couple months now. I've moved on and so has she, but I want to be friends with her. How do I stay close to a girl I was in love with and not jeopardize and future relationship I may have?

[asking]

Boundaries, really clear sharp ones. :)