[wsmabolt]

Well been with this girl for 5 years now we have 2 children together. One child is 3 the other is six months. The last year or so been rocky some arguing etc. she does not get along with my mother as I have been married once before and I have a 10 year old with my ex wife and my mother does not treat the kids equal and till of late it never really bothered me and that was a huge argument between my girlfriend and I but of late I have seen my moms true colors and been supporting my girlfriend to the point were my parent told me I am dead to them another story for another time.

I not sure if I am reading into things about a year ago my girlfriend went a way on a trip and ended up meeting a guy in the bar or whatever. I seen picture of the guy and her and asked her about it and she said it was a friends husband who was on the trip. Any ways I have my doubt about stuff and I find out about 4 weeks ago after I accidentally read an email of her that she been talking to this guy for over a year and that she kissed him one night she said she was really drunk and all it was was a kiss but was it. Why would she continue talking to him for over a year afterword and lie to me about it for over a year she met this guy ruffle the time her and I started having it really tuff.

I know she still talks to him she told me she lied to him as well and told him I did not exist I was just an ex. Her and I were trying to work it out as we both care about each other and it seemed to be going good till the other day no she ell me she loves me but not sure she want to be with me and she need her space. So I offered to leave but she said it be better if we stayed in the same house for the kids and keep trying to work it out but we are no longer a couple.she swears up and down it not the other guy but I feel it is and I am torn what to do I love this woman she treats me and my other daughter great. At one point I felt I wanted to leave about 4 or 5 weeks back but I realized she is everything I want as long as she can tell me the truth. I am torn any body have advise or similar stories and what they did or what ended up happening

[HellHound82]

My advice... END IT!

[hungtoronto]

Your mother didn't like her and you didn't see the problem and try to solve it. So now she cheated.

If you really want her back. I suggest you try to solve your family problem first. Somehow get your mother to like her and treat the kids equally.

It could be a possibility that she is already gone and I don't think you can get her back.

[Cat1864]

The following is based on one important factor: Do you trust her? Are you willing to allow the trust to be rebuilt? IF there is no trust left, then you need to separate and work out custody arrangements for your children.

IF you both are willing to put the work into it and the feelings and trust are still there, then I think getting couple's counseling will be your best option. Actually, even if you break up, I suggest getting some outside help to give you the tools to work together to raise your children. You have to be willing to let the pain and hurt go and not hold it over her head in any future disagreements, if you are going to be able to work together as a couple or as just parents.

It is up to the two of you to sit down and have an open and honest discussion (not an argument or blame game) about what happened and where the relationship goes from here. Whether you are together or not, you will still be tied together because of the children. The children deserve parents who are mature enough to talk to each other instead of fighting and arguing. What is best for the children is to have two parents who, while they maybe can't live together, can parent together.

Listen to each other. Get the air cleared about all the stresses-the other man, your parents, etc. Let the emotional dust settle and see what if anything is there to salvage and rebuild.

Family counseling involving you, your parents and her might help get things worked out on that front.

Good luck.

[talaniman]

she loves me but not sure she want to be with me and she need her space. So I offered to leave but she said it be better if we stayed in the same house for the kids and keep trying to work it out but we are no longer a couple

If she won't go to counseling, I think you leave to let the emotional dust settle, and give her all the space she needs to figure out how hard she wants to work this out. You seem ready, but she does NOT!

Sorry guy, but no way do you accept this "no longer a couple" but stay for the kids. You have been through enough, and settled for too much, to let her have that kind of control over the situation. She said your not a couple, so don't pretend. Children notice how parents interact, and that effects them as bad as a separation.

Either she does what it takes, or she doesn't but, why suffer over her issues, when she seemed clear to me. I think you just are enabling, and empowering more bad behavior, without resolving your issues together, that can benefit you both, through some very honest communications. I get she just had a child 6 months ago, your people don't like her, and she has been going behind your back for a year already. That's enough of that. Her commitment shows no actions from what you have written.

Give her what she asked for, all the space she needs.

[Devorameira]

It's a good thing that she wants you both to stay in the same house to work on the relationship. A lot of couple take a "break" away from each other and work nothing at all out through the separation period.

The only way your relationship can be fixed is if you BOTH work on it. It takes both people in a COUPLE to fix things, so I worry about her indicating that you are no longer a couple.

If she continues to keep in touch with the "other guy", there's no way that you'll be able to work things out. Actually, if she maintains contact it'll be a sure sign that there's nothing to even work on. In that case, I would definitely end it!

[Homegirl 50]

She may be wanting her cake and eating it too. She wants this man but she does not want to bust up the family.

In the meantime it is not fair to you. Why should you put up with this? She either want the family with you or the other guy.

You may need to move out just to keep your sanity and dignity. If she wants her family she will get her act together and leave this other man alone.