[CarrotTalker]

If she was forced to do a sexual act when she was young, she needs to see a therapist to work through the damage that caused.

[hheath541]

stop trying to force or convince her to do anything. She obviously has some deep emotional scars. You need to be understanding and supportive of that. Let her initiate all physical contact for now. Encourage her to find a good therapist to talk to. If she asks you to go with her, do so.

for now, you need to back off on the physical side of your relationship. She'll let you know when she's ready. Until then, enjoy the other aspects of the relationship. She'll value you all the more for letting her have the time she needs to get through this.

you should also know, that she could 'relapse' at any time. There could be a smell or a sight that triggers a painful memory, and she'll withdraw again. When that happens, just talk to her. If she'll let you, hold her close. It's a long, hard road getting over any kind of abuse, especially sexual, and the road isn't always straight.

[talaniman]

Stop trying to convince her to do what you want, and you won't have to fight about it. She says she doesn't like it and that should be enough.

If its not, leave her alone, because you sure aren't helping anything fighting about it, for whatever reason she feels that way. Doesn't matter.

Guys who don't understand NO, make lousy partners.

A word to the wise, starting new threads, and leaving important details out to get different answers, never works here.

[brokenheartls]

Ladies and gentlemen...

Me and my g.f have been dating for a year and a half now... and me and her talked about all the sexual stuff... she said she wants me to wait... I've been waiting for 8 months...
Now I think she's not ready yet

She told me she really wants to have sex and stuff but she's afraid... I asked her why is she afraid and if there something I can do to help... she said she will never be ready if she's afraid...

Any ideas ?

[J_9]

How old are the two of you?

[brokenheartls]

How old are the two of you?

Im almost 19 and she's 18

[J_9]

Ideas? Yeah, just wait until she is ready. Pregnancy is always a possibility and she may not be ready to be a mother yet.

If you love her you will be patient until she is ready.

[brokenheartls]

Ideas? Yeah, just wait until she is ready. Pregnancy is always a possibility and she may not be ready to be a mother yet.

If you love her you will be patient until she is ready.

I waited a lot , and I don't think I would get heart pregnant...

[J_9]

i waited a lot , and i dont think i would get heart pregnant...

How do you know you wouldn't get her pregnant? Sex = pregnancy. No form of birth control is 100% effective.

Could she be restraining from sex for religious reasons?

[brokenheartls]

How do you know you wouldn't get her pregnant? Sex = pregnancy. No form of birth control is 100% effective.

Could she be restraining from sex for religious reasons?

I just want the answer to my question

[J_9]

i just want the answer to my question

I gave you an answer to your question.

Your girlfriend may be afraid of pregnancy or she may not want to have sex before marriage for religious reasons.

Only your girlfriend knows the real reason she is "afraid" of having sex.

[FoxCash]

i just want the answer to my question

You got the answer to your question. Wait until she is ready or figures out what is causing her to be afraid. And if you feel you've waited long enough and cannot wait anymore then leave her so she can find someone who is willing to love her and wait for her.

Pushing her into something she is not ready for is going to lead to more problems and shows you have little to no care for her. She needs to come to terms with what is going on, on her own terms.

Either wait it out, or let her go.

[jmjoseph]

I noticed that the word "LOVE" is not even mentioned in your posts. It all about "help ME get laid". Maybe she's afraid that you're not the one that she wants to give this special "gift" to. Maybe she's not ready to take chances with someone who doesn't understand that you don't pressure women to have sex with you. If indeed you are in fact 19, then you should be willing to do what it takes to make her feel comfortable in the relationship first, and understand that sex is not a destination, or accomplishment.

Behave and wait.

[FoxCash]

You stated in a previous thread that when she was younger something happened to her. And like someone at that time also said that maybe something happened to trigger those memories or emotions and now it's adding to her fear.

If that is the case then you are not being of your girlfriend by fighting with her and pushing her to have sex when she is scared an uncomfortable with it.

Yes, you have needs but what about her needs as well? Sometimes in a relationship with someone you truly care about we need to put our needs below theirs. This is one of those times.

If what happened to her has anything to do with why she is now afraid to have sex then pushing her into it or making her feel bad for it is only going to further make this a problem for her and further break her.

If you truly care about her, she needs you right now to be supportive, understanding, and selfless. But if you feel you cannot do that and wait anymore for her to be okay with sex in any manner then I stand by my previous advice and say let her go. So that she can work through these problems without someone adding more on to it. And then you can go on and fulfill your needs in any way you so desire.

[talaniman]

Your posts were merged again, and they will be deleted if you continue to start new posts about the same thing "How to get my girlfriend to have sex with me" .

Let me put this to bed for you quite simply, you have failed to make love to her mind, and that's where sexual attraction starts.

You are also so single minded of your own wants, you don't take care of her needs, as a matter of fact, you ignore them completely because of what you want.

Until you change, there will be no sex, simply because there is no love, or caring on your part, NONE! Want proof? If you loved her you would put her need, before your want! That you have NOT done at all.

[brokenheartls]

Your posts were merged again, and they will be deleted if you continue to start new posts about the same thing "How to get my girlfriend to have sex with me" .

Let me put this to bed for you quite simply, you have failed to make love to her mind, and thats where sexual attraction starts.

You are also so single minded of your own wants, you don't take care of her needs, as a matter of fact, you ignore them completely because of what you want.

Until you change, there will be no sex, simply because there is no love, or caring on your part, NONE! Want proof? If you loved her you would put her need, before your want! That you have NOT done at all.

That's funny how you know about the other thread and come here saying I don't love her... I bet you didn't read anything over there... that's all I was doing sense I started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so I could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , don't talk to me about her needs if you didn't or forgot about the other thread

[Cat1864]

Thats funny how u know about the other thread and come here saying i dont love her... i bet u didnt read anything over there... thats all i was doin sence i started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so i could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , dont talk to me about her needs if u didnt or forgot about the other thread

First, no more chat speak. It is against site rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules.

Second, what details are you changing or leaving out?

Gleaned from reading your posts about this woman: When did she turn 18? When all this began with her, she was 17. At one point, you had 'sexual interactions' that stopped for 'no reason'. She had something happen in her past. Her mother doesn't like you. (I would guess for getting her daughter into 'sexual interactions'). She doesn't trust you (you say that part was recanted.) She has told you at different points that she doesn't want sex. You are still trying to get sex. You don't mention any feelings other than frustration. Have I missed anything?

When do expect her to have sex with you? Where do you expect her to have sex with you? Do you expect her to take care of your needs even though she has supposedly been quite clear that she doesn't want sex or sexual contact? Has there been a pregnancy scare in the past? Is she afraid of pregnancy? Is she still living under her mother's roof? Would she have to lie to her mother about what she was doing if you did have sex?

Have you talked with her about your concerns? Has she told you why she doesn't want to fool around? Have you listened when she did?

I think you need to let her go if your 'needs' are different than hers are. Trying to get her to do something she isn't comfortable with is not good for either of you or the relationship.

[talaniman]

Originally Posted by brokenheartls
That's funny how you know about the other thread and come here saying I don't love her...

You don't. But its amazing the lengths you go to get her body, instead of being real, and making love to the mind, and let the body follow, when she is ready. That would be love my friend.

It's a big red flag when your way is causing problems, but you are not willing to make adjusts to the facts you have.

Originally Posted by brokenheartls
... I bet you didn't read anything over there...

Consider that bet lost.

Originally Posted by brokenheartls
That's all I was doing since I started dating my g.f only taking care of her needs , having to wait for hours so I could talk to her for minuites and waiting for days to see her for 20 min , don't talk to me about her needs if you didn't or forgot about the other thread

What needs have you taken care of? Then tell me why she is afraid of having sex with you? If you can, but I doubt it as what's painfully obvious is you have ignored her needs, and the importance of them, for your own.

So tell us about her needs you have met.

[brokenheartls]

First, no more chat speak. It is against site rules: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.ph...#faq_faq_rules.

Second, what details are you changing or leaving out?

Gleaned from reading your posts about this woman: When did she turn 18? When all this began with her, she was 17. At one point, you had 'sexual interactions' that stopped for 'no reason'. She had something happen in her past. Her mother doesn't like you. (I would guess for getting her daughter into 'sexual interactions'). She doesn't trust you (you say that part was recanted.) She has told you at different points that she doesn't want sex. You are still trying to get sex. You don't mention any feelings other than frustration. Have I missed anything?
When do expect her to have sex with you? Where do you expect her to have sex with you? Do you expect her to take care of your needs even though she has supposedly been quite clear that she doesn't want sex or sexual contact? Has there been a pregnancy scare in the past? Is she afraid of pregnancy? Is she still living under her mother's roof? Would she have to lie to her mother about what she was doing if you did have sex?

Have you talked with her about your concerns? Has she told you why she doesn't want to fool around? Have you listened when she did?

I think you need to let her go if your 'needs' are different than hers are. Trying to get her to do something she isn't comfortable with is not good for either of you or the relationship.

Her mom hates me because I'm a christian and she thinks I'm not good enough...
My g.f is a virgin so there isn't a scare of pregnancy... She said she wants to do all those sexuall stuf , but ita because she was sexyally abused... ( not raped) and every time we do something it trigers that memory and she hugs me and tells me that she loves me and I comfort her...
Her mom doesn't know , no one knows except me... And she doesn't want to tell anyone, so I don't know how to get rid of this phobia if you will... and please don't tell me I don't love her because no one knows how strong our relationship is

[Cat1864]

her mom hates me because im a christian and she thinks im not good enough...
my g.f is a virgin so there isnt a scare of pregnancy... She said she wants to do all those sexuall stuf , but ita because she was sexyally abused... ( not raped) and everytime we do something it trigers that memory and she hugs me and tells me that she loves me and i comfort her...
her mom doesnt know , no one knows except me... And she doesnt wanna tell anyone, so i dont know how to get rid of this phobia if u will... and please dont tell me i dont love her because no one knows how strong our relationship is

This isn't something you can help her with. You can give her support while she gets the help she needs and works through the hurt, pain, and trauma. She needs to talk to a professional who is trained to handle the emotional storms that blow-up when someone is working through sexual abuse. Someone who is not emotionally involved. Someone who is used to having all of the anger and pain directed at him/her when it can't be directed at the abuser.

Depending on how much hurt and anger at the past is still inside her, it could months or years before she is ready for a healthy sex life. Are you ready to face that future? That is what we mean by taking care of her needs. She may not be able to emotionally or physically handle yours for quite awhile.