Check out some similar questions!

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 01:38 PM

Me and my g.f are together for about 4 months now.. and its all good
Until one day she told me she has strong feelings for her ex , she was with him for almost 1.5 years , she doesn't call him or msn or any other IM programs...
But she says she misses him a lot , so she called him and said that she loves him ,
And she also loves me.. a lot..
She thinks I'm better than him in every way , but she doesn't want to take the risk of coming back to me and having no future with me, because we are different religion , but she said I'm better , nicer , and more attractive than him , but it doesn't stop her from loving him..
I helped her a lot , I told her that she could take her time , she should sleep on it and tell me what's on her mind and I was very understanding , I didn't push her to do something she didn't want to do , so now she keeps asking me for help , I said if your happy with him then go with him.. I only want my g.f to be happy :( ,
And now she can't decide.. she said she wanted help.. and here I am now asking for your help..
I hope you good people have good answers... because she is very very confused..

redhed35 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:45 PM

She made her decision,now she should follow through... dont be a shoulder to cry on...

She said she loves him,let them figure it out..

There comes a time when being the nice guy gets confused with being the emotional cruch..

I'm sure she has friends,advice her to talk t othem or her boyfriend.

Its time to protect your own heart and head space and get some perspective on the situation.

My advice for you is to start no contact... my advice for her,is too leave you alone to get over her.

itried · Nov 8, 2009, 01:45 PM

You can't help her. She needs to help herself by taking a step back from the two of you and deciding what's best for her. While she's doing that you can do the same for yourself.

My advice would be to leave her alone because if you stay with her during this time of conflicted feelings it WILL end badly. Take a step back and carry on with your life. Who knows, you may end up finding someone else who you really like and most importantly likes you as well. Don't be anyone's second choice.

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 01:51 PM

I'm very confused , we told each other that we should take some time for ourselves , she doesn't talk to her ex a lot about her problem , she talks to me ( her b.f ) and I really want to find a solution for this problem.. I don't want our relationship to end I love her too much , I know 4 months aren't a lot , but this is the first time I fall for someone this fast , I need help , I don't want her to make the wrong decision , I just want her to be happy...

redhed35 · Nov 8, 2009, 01:55 PM

Even if her being happy is not being with you?

She seems very confused and unhappy,and so do you..

Perhaps you should consider no contact to get some perspective.

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 01:58 PM

I want her to be happy... even if she is not with me..
If she is happy , then I'm happy

bjohnrupp · Nov 8, 2009, 01:58 PM

Take my advice... Start no contact immediately- this is the only chance you have right now. Make her miss you and think she may have lost you. If she truly loves you she'll come back but if she doesn't she'll go with him.

itried · Nov 8, 2009, 01:59 PM

Look man, I feel for you and you need to know that everyone has been there. But, and this is a big BUT, you should understand that during this time she is most definitely not being truthful and honest with you. She's trying to spare your feelings so she will tell you whatever it takes to get you off her back or to shut you up. She's always going to miss this guy and it will always eat away at her until she can't take it anymore and she has to explore the feeling by going to him.

Back off, leave her alone, keep your dignity and walk away. Tell her to call you when her head is healed. Maybe you won't want anything to do with her then or maybe you will. What's important is that you were able to keep control of a situation that will rapidly disintegrate into chaos.

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 02:03 PM

So I should leave her alone.. give her time to think..
And let her decide by her self ?
And if she asked for my help ?

bjohnrupp · Nov 8, 2009, 02:18 PM

Originally Posted by brokenheartls

so i should leave her alone..give her time to think..
and let her decide by her self ?
and if she asked for my help ?

YES! Leave her alone- disappear from her life completely... dont respond to any emails, texts, IM'S and delete her from your Facebook... she is not being fair to you and is stringing you along if things don't work out with her ex. Trust me I've been through this back in August. My ex fiancé was seeing both of us (without me knowing) and then got rid of me so she can be with her ex who she always loved... Do not say a word to her starting now- if you wait until later to start no contact you will lose at her game.

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 02:35 PM

I don't understand... why is she doing this to me ?
Doesn't she love me enough ?
Or does she love her ex more ?
I'm confused... if I'm better in every way
Aren't I the right one for her ?

bjohnrupp · Nov 8, 2009, 02:51 PM

Originally Posted by brokenheartls

i don't understand... why is she doing this to me ?
doesn't she love me enough ?
or does she love her ex more ?
im confused... if im better in every way
aren't i the right one for her ?

She loves you but not as much as you love her and she has stronger feelings for her ex because she was with him longer and still loves him. No she doesn't love you enough- I know this sounds harsh but I know from experience- if she did she wouldn't be putting you through this hell... sounds like she loves him more... you're probably a better/nicer guy for her but she still has strong feelings for him so you have to let her go.

Trust me I know this is not want you want to hear but don't let this girl put you through hell. Its going to take a long time to get over her but you have to start now. I'm sure she was beautiful and you loved everything about her but she's only playing/using you and won't think anything of getting rid of you once her ex will commit to her.

spidy_six · Nov 8, 2009, 03:11 PM

Dude I am into a similar kind of situation. The best thing to do now is leave her alone. You are only there until she needs you, if she is saying that she loves her ex a lot and if that person has at least 10% of softcorner for her you gone for a toss. By the end of the Day you will be asking another question in the same forum that how should I forget her. So brother my honest advice to you is leave her alone and do your work if she has feelings for you she MAY come back other wise you can get a better one in your life. Don't be confused I am telling you this based on my past experience you are in a big trouble, come out of it before its too late.

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 03:29 PM

She told me she wants to see me alone , and then on another day see her ex and talk...
Is this the right thing to do?
I mean what if she saw him and loved him more ?
Or what if she kissed him and didn't tell me? This is my biggest fear I don't want him to kiss him , helpp

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 03:31 PM

I don't want her to kiss him ***

bjohnrupp · Nov 8, 2009, 03:41 PM

Originally Posted by brokenheartls

she told me she wants to see me alone , and then on another day see her ex and talk...
is this the right thing to do ??
i mean what if she saw him and loved him more ?
or what if she kissed him and didnt tell me ?? this is my biggest fear i dont want him to kiss him , helpp

How old are you? Im sure she has kissed him... maybe even more... its possible she's been having sex with him. I'm telling you right now disappear and don't talk to her anymore- she's with him now.:(

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 03:47 PM

No I'm like 18 and she is 16.5 no one has sex here...
She didn't see her ex for 4 months and now she is going to see him some place.. so they could talk so she could pick him or pick me..
Any way my biggest fear is that she feels weak and just kisses him..
I don't want this to happen..
She is going to see someone she missed.. they will hug I'm sure of that.. but I don't want her to kiss him it will kill me

brokenheartls · Nov 8, 2009, 03:51 PM

Before this happened...

We had good times.. we fought sometimes..
But when I fight I just go see her and she feels weak and forgives me.. that's her problem when she sees someone she loves she gets weak...
I'm afraid that this is what will happen if she goes and sees him.. she will feel weak and may kiss him
I'm sure she won't tell me because she is not completely honest
And she doesn't want to hurt my feelings..
How can I trust her not to kiss him when she feels weak..
Help that's another problem damn

spidy_six · Nov 8, 2009, 05:52 PM

Dude are you concerned about your girlfrnd or her virginity? Stop thing that what hppns if she kisses him, its common you can't expect a virgin in your life. If you are the right person she will come back to you if not do what ever you want you will get nothing.

spidy_six · Nov 8, 2009, 05:54 PM

Dude are you concerned about your girlfrnd or her virginity? Stop thinking that what hppns if she kisses him, its common you can't expect a virgin in your life. If you are the right person she will come back to you if not do what ever you want you will get nothing.