[ranrounaaaaa]

Hi, I am 30 years old and I have been dating a man who is 4 years older than me, we have been together for almost 2 years. He used to work overseas for 11 years in a third world country which means he didn't have the chance to experience the pleasure of partying, going out, dating... etc

We first met through Facebook while he was still abroad for that we only had chat and phone calls between us for 6 months. Than he came back to his home town for good and we started going out. I thought that our relationship is serious but the problem was that he wanted to live the life that he missed before, going out with many girls without having a serious relation so he felt that I was standing in his way, he was lost and couldn t decide what he wants, he wanted me and he was afraid to lose me saying that he got used to me, he likes the way I think, he trusts me a lot, he enjoys my company, But above all that he still feels that there is something missing so he started going out with other girls and lying.

Few months ago, I decided to go out with a new guy because I am fed up from the situation, the thing that made him loose his mind. So he did everything to win me back and he succeeded.

Lately, we had a conversation about our relation, because I am feeling that he is losing his feelings towards me even though he is spending more time with me and he is not seeing other girls.
He was so honest by saying that he sees in me the girl that he feels comfortable with and share his life with but the problem is that he doesn't know is he loves me or not. He wanted me to help him discover his feelings towards me... He is confused and not happy at all..
Please guide us on the right way!

[Devorameira]

There is nothing you can do or say to make him fall in love with you. There is nothing you can change about yourself, no actions you can take, no sexy clothing you can buy, and no hairstyle you can try that will change the way he’s feeling about you.

The cold hard reality is that if he is going to love you, it is going to happen because of who you are right now, at this moment, without any artificial changes or out-of-character behaviors. You are you and anybody worthy of your love will want you just the way you are.

Don’t waste your life with a man that doesn’t love you. If he hasn’t fallen in love with you in 2 years, it's doubtful that it will ever happen.

[talaniman]

This is not love, as there is no bonding, but a lot of curiosity, and wondering. He is right though as to keep you and stay in a comfort zone he has to do things your way, but deep down, he should be free to wander around until he finds himself. He is not ready to commit, and as long as you hold on to him he will think about what else he has missed.

Can you tell, I think you give him a lot of space to find himself, and not be in a relationship with him? He simply is not ready for what you want.

Like the cute puppy that follows you around, because he has no one to take care of him. He must learn to take care of himself, and enjoy the independence and confidence it brings, after failing and accomplishing on his own, as far as romance goes.

We refer to that as "sowing his wild oats".

[Gemini54]

He's been really honest with you and told you he likes you, but he doesn't love you.

What's the point of holding on to something that isn't working for you?

It's time to move on.

[Lucky098]

If he likes you and wants to explore the possibilities of being with you, the he needs to be honest and let you know what's going on in his head. The only problem with that is, he may not feel comfortable telling you how he feels.

Show him how to have a good time, and that dating multiple girls, going back and forth from you to a stranger isn't the only way to party. Go out with him. Have a couple of beers. Party like rock stars... If he wants to be wild, then be wild with him. Be interesting to him. Don't be a guilt trip. Don't be his mistake.. and most importantly, don't waste each others time. You're either in it with both legs on the ground, or you're not. And you need to make that VERY clear to him. This is your life too... You have every right to know where you stand in this relationship.

[taaam]

Based on my life experience, the sentence; "I don't know if I love you" is . You should know if you're in love with a person or not, unless you're emotionally dysfunctional.

This guy is a wild beast, you cannot tame him and he told you that already indirectly. I'm afraid that he's saying those things to you, not to hurt your feelings, but who knows? Leave him be for a while, so he can think through the stuffs, and maybe somehow he realises that he's missing out on you.

[I wish]

Sounds like a brother/sister type relationship. As the others have pointed out, it's a form of comfort zone. Both of you seem to be afraid that you will not find happiness elsewhere, so you're stuck together.

6 billion other people in the world, I'm sure that both of you can find true hapiness elsewhere. Instead of forcing yourself to be with someone who says: "I don't know if I love you."

[ranrounaaaaa]

Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate your help.

For the moment, I started to let him feel that he is not anymore a priority in my life.. In addition, he will be travelling next week for 20 days and when he comes back I will travel in a business trip for 1 week.. I think this period is good enough for both of us...

I will keep you posted with news, many thanks again for everything and support :)
Have a great day