[nylosboy2000]

Well where do I start 1st off he thinks that I took his mom from his dad and his dad tells him that I am the bad guy his dad tells him that he don't have to listen to what I say at all so we fight he swears at me tell me that you can't tell me what to do your not my parent and his mom my wife tells me that if my fault that we fight I should just let it go he is only a kid and I'm the adult so of course we start fighting this has gotton worse since we got married I don't know what to do anymore

[hheath541]

Can you, please, try to use correct punctuation. It's hard to read a post with absolutely no periods or commas. Better spelling would be appreciated, too.

How long have you been with his mother? How long have you been married?

[redhed35]

Without a little more information its hard to give a advice that may be of use to you.

From what you have said,I would suggest trying to find common ground,perhaps a sport,music?

Teenagers are notorious for mood swings and in general feeling very hard done by,try to understand that he is in transition,from being a kid to an adult,whether he likes it or not he has to learn respect,honesty and allowing people to make mistakes and make up for them as well.

Listen to what he is saying,underneath all the noise and bravado,perhaps he has some real issues,on top of the usual social and peer pressures of school.

Look beyond his actions,what does he needs,what he is really asking for,this may seem like your babying him or giving into him,BUT you're the adult,he needs to learn,get his parents on board,don't do anything without their permission.

For you,it's a tough one,but remember when you were a teen?

Teens grow out of the mood swings etc,have patience,show by how you react and behave.

[Jake2008]

I don't know how you can just sit idly by while this 15 year old shows such disrespect in your home toward you.

Just my opinion, but I don't allow any 15 year old, regardless of their parentage, to swear at me.

You and your wife have to be on the same page here, and take the necessary steps to establish boundaries and discipline with consequence. Counselling will help you wade through those murky waters.

With the child's father blaming you for everything, the hate starts there, and he is bringing that confusion, anger, and hurt, right front and centre thanks to his dad.

The adults have to behave like adults, and expect the child will behave accordingly under the circumstances. You are going to get defiance, and the adults have to know how to deal with it.

With your wife also not parenting this child and telling you that the arguing is your fault too, you are between a rock and a hard place. She says ignore it... sheesh.

Just my opinion, but bad behaviour unchecked, leads to more bad behaviour, and if he's this rude at 15, what's he going to be like a few years down the road? Better? I don't think so.

Adults- do your job!

[Gemini54]

I think that the answer is really simple (but difficult) - stop fighting with him.

Why is is that we persist in continuing behavior that gets us nowhere? Fighting with him isn't changing his behavior is it? So stop fighting.

You're feeding the drama by engaging in it - and then they all have someone to blame. You. So stop feeding the drama and stop trying to control an out of control stepson (let his mother and father do it).

Step back and step out of it. He's right - you're not his dad - let his biological parents do the work. Remove yourself when he starts to swear and be rude and go somewhere else, let them all know you're not interested in being part of the drama any more.

You wife says it's your fault? Well, let her deal with her son when he starts to swear at her!

[Unsure_11]

You shouldnot have to take this tell his mother that he has got to stop.. he should not be telling you that you're the adult... You need to sit him down and tell him that your not the reason they split up and if that doesn't work you and his mom need to sit him down and tell him this has to stop

Hope this helps! Good luck