[CarrotTalker]

I am in a complicated situation with my family at the moment, but I will try to keep this focused on my question at hand.

I am in my early 20's and my mom asks me the same question over and over again.

An example would be something simple, such as, She wanted to know if I would be fine with my sister visiting tomorrow. I would clearly respond with "Sure, that's fine."

Then an hour or two later, she will ask me the same question.
Now I have tried a few different approaches to answering:
- I have asked what she thinks, often she responds with "I Don't know" or "What do you think?"
- I have responded with a simple "Sure, that's fine", but she will keep asking me.
- I have told her that she asked me a few hours ago and if she remembers my answer. She will angrily say, "I didn't ask you before"

I have asked her why she does this, she has said she is either insecure about what she heard or of what my answer was.

Now this is just one example, but it happens on a regular basis about any topic imaginable. (Finances, Food, my plans).

She seems like she is generally overwhelmed/stressed/anxious/depressed, I have gotten her into therapy and try helping her, but it doesn't seem to be getting very far.

Does anyone have a suggestion on how I can handle these situations better, to help my stress/anger level from rising?

[Stratmando]

Not sure the situation, but stress and depression can distract a person, Hard as it may be, Listen like it was the first time, don't tell her she just asked a little while ago, It will just stress her more. See if you can get her mind on something she enjoys.

[cdad]

How old is she? She may be in a category for alzhiemers ?

This could be early signs. Also artery problems that run through the neck can cause the same symptoms.

[hheath541]

My great grandma started doing things like that right before she was diagnosed with alzheimers. The anger is a typical response to having lapses pointed out. So is making up an excuse. Both are ways for them to feel like everything is still OK.

[CarrotTalker]

Hmm, it might have to do with stress, depression, and feeling overwhlemed.

She has been like this for a few years, but it has gotten worse.

It seems to come and go though. My dad died in 2008 from cancer. It seems almost like she is completely lost, no matter what I try or do. Sometimes she seems perfectly normal.

I will work on my coping skills and acting like she hasn't asked before.

[hheath541]

Maybe she's just lonely and trying to prolong your conversations.

[CarrotTalker]

maybe she's just lonely and trying to prolong your conversations.

That's one angle I was approaching.

So I became much more social with her and try to talk about what I'm working on and my goals. I could literally talk for 5 minutes. Her response: nothing or "ok".

It's seriously like talking to a wall.

Sometimes, If I am talking about something I did well, she will try to put me down.

[hheath541]

Have you tried letting HER talk? If she's lonely, then she'll want to talk more than listen. Ask leading questions. If she gives short answers, ask questions to get her o go into more detail. Once she gets really talking, you'll be able to just listen and comment without having to draw it out of her anymore.

[CarrotTalker]

have you tried letting HER talk? if she's lonely, then she'll want to talk more than listen. ask leading questions. if she gives short answers, ask questions to get her o go into more detail. once she gets really talking, you'll be able to just listen and comment without having to draw it out of her anymore.

I try this all the time. Very rarely do I get a response.

Sometimes she will tell me about her work day or complain about work.

Trust me, I ask leading questions and don't get very far.

[hheath541]

Then maybe it's something you just have to learn to take in stride. If she persists in asking the same question more than 2-3 times, tell her that if she asks again you'll have to hang up to keep form getting mad at her. Maybe if you hang up a couple times, she'll stop repeating herself.

[CarrotTalker]

Yea I'll work on my stride :) It's really about finding the right balance of patience and knowing when to take a deep breath and nod.

[Aurora_Bell]

Sometimes when people are suffering from deperession, they really do just feel insecure with ansers and questions. Example, when I start to feel down, and I ask my mom or friends a question, I feel like I pick up on imaginary hints of something else. So if I was asking my mom if she wanted to come to my place for dinner, and she said "ya, sure", I would feel like, oh she really isn't interested. Maybe I'll give her another chance to get out, or ask it in a different way, as to get a different response.

My mother does something similar to me too. The best example I can give is, we were driving from the mall, and some kid ran out and she had to slam on her breaks. Well a few days would pass, and she will tell me the same story as if I wasn't there.

She re-introduces me to people all the time, if I tell her a funny story, a few weeks later she will tell me that same story but says she heard it from another friend!

It used to get me really angry, now I just laugh.

[CarrotTalker]

It used to get me really angry, now I just laugh.

I think laughter is the key. I find when I just take it easy and laugh to myself about it, it feels a lot better.

[ng365r576]

Maybe she has Alzheimer's