[Stefallus]

Here's my story:
This might be a long one...

THE BEGINNING:

It all started nearly three years ago. I've met a girl during my summer vacation and we've hit it right off. I never thought of that relationship as a potential long term one, so I dismissed it as such. When our her 10 days visit to the seaside was over I went back to my life. What I hadn't realized was that she fell head over heels! She started sending me texts saying how much I've missed her, even the ones saying that she actually loves me!
The reality was that back home we were 40 km apart during the weekends and 90 km during working days. Even if we were in the same town I really didn't consider her my type.
I don't know why but I never broke it off. Maybe it was because I didn't want to hurt her feelings but we "stayed together" for nearly six months. During that time I was avoiding every chance for seeing her by telling her lies. We've seen each other 3 times during those 6 months.
I can't remember how and why but we finally broke it off and I thought that was it...

Then another summer came... This time she was there before I was and was really happy to see me. And this time something snapped! I've realized that I really really like this person and like spending time with her. So we got back together. And this time I was determined to make it work!

We started seeing each other 2-3 times a week. When ever we had a chance... And we were truly in love with each other.
Then the problems started. We started fighting. And 90% of the time it was about us not being able to spend more time together. I broke it off a couple of times, then she would and every time we would end up back together within a week.

Then our third summer together came. Just the two of us spent wonderful 10 days by the seaside. Then my whole world started falling apart. While we were on our way back from our summer holiday I was told that my grandfather had passed away. This was devastating news for me since this was my first family death experience. I started changing. I was always nervous, I became a control freak... I always had to know where she was and whom she was with. I became very needy and was smuthering her. One night I got really drunk and had a huge argument with her in front a bunch of our (mostly her) friends. She cried in front of everyone. Couple of days later she decided it was enough and that we should break up. So we did.

We were broken up for nearly three months during which time we were in contact almost every day. There would be days when we woul say how much we missed and loved each other, then there would be the ones when we would hate each other and so on. Then one day I said to myself that it is enough and that I want... No, I need to be with her! So I decided to try one last time to make up with her. I talked her into coming to see me so we could talk and the rest was history.

We were so happy we got back together, but as many times before, we started fighting again. Always for the same reason!
The same reason that led to our last fight about a month ago...


THE START OF THE END:

Prior to the fight we haven't seen each other for nearly three weeks. I was angry because there was a chance for us to spend a whole day together and she canceled at the last moment because she was tired from studying and rehearsals and she had a headache. After a lot of arguing we agreed that she would come (on the day of the fight). And then, after all that, she canceled again. Just hours before she was supposed to come. I was furious!

I told her that it would be over if she doesn't come. She said that I just don't understand her and that she would really like to see me but that she couldn't because of one of her headaches. Then she asked me why don't I come and see her. I thought why should I after all of that, so I said I don't want to. Then she said that in that case it probably was the best thing just to end it.

I was mad... Furious! So I picked up the phone and called her and did a great DON'T! I told her that she would be the one to call me a couple of days later to ask me to get back together, that she would cry as soon as I hang up etc. Basically, I told her everything she would do, what she did so many times. And to top it off, I told her I hated her. That was my big mistake. I don't know when to shut my mouth! That's exactly why she didn't do that. Because she knew I expected that from her.

A couple of hours later I felt bad. Really, really bad! So I decided to drive there and say I'm sorry for everything I said. Which I did. Only this time she told me how she didn't love me like she used to and all that goes with that... I was determined to go back home with a simple YES or NO to the question whether we shoud stay together or not. I wanted her to be the one to decide. And all I got from her was I DON'T KNOW. Every time. So I went home without an answer.

The next day I got the message saying that she tought about it a lot and that she wants us to break up. Mostly because she can't go on like this and because she doesn't love me the way she used to. I said OK and told her to contact me if she realizes she had made a mistake.


POST BREAK-UP:

At first it really was OK. I wasn't thinking about her a lot. I started preparing for my exams and I had my eye on a girl from my faculty. Then my b-day came. 10 days after the break up. And all I got from my ex was "Happy birthday. All the best... :)". I was stunned! I just couldn't believe it... I replied with one word: thanks. And that was the last of our contact.

So I decided to go for the girl from my group. She was really into me but now that I wasn't a forbidden fruit she wasn't in a hurry to be with me.
That's why I decided to make up a girlfriend. I asked a friend to accept a relationship status on Facebook, which she did. So the whole world would think that I was in a relationship. Even my ex, which was the second mayor reason for doing that.

A week passed by and everything was going well. I wasn't thinking about my ex as much (at least I thought so), and I was flirting with the girl from my group (which I didn't find that fullfiling).

Then 5 days ago I saw a picture of my ex with another guy in a common friends photo album. I was out of my mind. I had to know who he was and when did that happen. I couldn't sleep that night! I just had to send her a message. I wrote something like: "WOW, girl. That was quick... Way the go! ;) But I've got to say it was a little unexpected. :)" She replied that it was none of my business...

So I decided to go on a party which I knew my ex would be attending. Me and a couple of my friends went there. I saw her and decided to play it cool. I said "Hi" and asked her how she was. We exchanged a couple of sentences. She was really nervous...
After an hour or so, I approached her and asked her if she really had a boyfriend or not. She said she did which I didn't believe at first but found out to be true later. I told her not to worry. That I just wanted to know if he was good for her and wished her luck in the new relationship. That was it for the night...

The next day I spent some time tracking her new boyfriend down online. When I found him I was shocked! He was a skater, which I never thought was her type. He was a total opposite of me.
What shocked me also was that she opened a Facebook profile that same day! She was always saying how she would never ever do that and that she thinks computers and Facebook in particularly is rubbish!


THE BIG QUESTION:

I really do know I love her still. I think she loves me to. The reason why this hurts so bad is that we were so close to our "goal".
After 20 months together we had to wait about 3 months more for her to come to my university so we could be able to spend more time together.

I do believe she is in a rebound relationship. I know I have to let it take it course and I do thing it's not long lasting.

My question is:
Does anyone have any additional advice for me? I really want her back!


ADDITIONAL INFO:

- she uploaded a picture of me and her on her newly created profile (I know it one of 250, but still... )
No pics of her new boyfriend (yet)

- she went on a week long excursion today and won't be in the country (nor with her new boyfriend)

- since we broke up there aren't many social events we can run into each other (maybe one every couple of months)

- she is coming to my university in September and we will be in the same building almost every day

- I know that many will say: She had to be the one to stop saying stuff like "I love you", "I miss you" etc. But that is not the case...
Even the night before the big fight she didn't want me to hang up and said 10 times that she only wants to listen to me talking and can't wait to see me and so on...


P.S. Please excuse me for my bad English and any misspelling or grammar mistakes!

[amicon]

Look,a relationship that is breakup/makeup/breakup is not healthy.

I suggest you consider this finally over and start healing and moving on.

Go no contact,no texts,email or FB messages.

Start living your own life,keep busy with uni,studies and friends.

[talaniman]

Games, games, and more games and lies and deceit. Naw, you shouldn't be together as your out for revenge, through control, and manipulation, and she retaliates. This is not love, its WAR!

Stop this and leave each other alone and that should end the war! Next stop stalking her through the social sites and that will end the WAR! Next leave her alone and get a life without her, and that will end the WAR! Did I forget to mention, LEAVE HER ALONE? Then you can both get a grip and heal.

Personally I find your actions immature and unacceptable because love has nothing to do with control, manipulation, bad outlandish behavior, or using others to deceive someone.

Leave her alone so you can grow up.

[Stefallus]

I really really don't think you understood what I was saying.
I'm not after revenge. I don't want to make the same mistake with her as I did with so many girls before.

I always knew what to do and what to say when it comes to making a girl feel great and happy. I am used to manipulating and deceiving them.

That IS how this started. Not how it ended... I do want her to be happy. Even if that means that I am not in the picture. I could have easily gone for one of the girls that have a thing for me right after the break up (and no, this is not me being cocky) but I DIDN'T want to. I want to get my life back to track and try to get back one person that really understood the REAL me. IF I CAN!

And you are right. We did act childish so many times. I don't know why she did that, but I do know why did I. I never ever wanted to be THAT guy that is so attached to someone. But I knew I am and after all that I was still trying to fight it.

Right now I am concentrated on making myself a better person. I discovered that I became a lazy slob that can't even smile. That's why now I started jogging, going to the gym and getting in touch with some of my old friends...
I really do have to start smiling again because I don't know who the person on the other side of the mirror is!

After all this I do feel that there is a place for us both sometime sooner or later. Maybe it's just me in denial or something else, but that is how I feel...

That's why I'm asking if the NC is the best thing for BOTH me and her at the moment? Not because I want to manipulate her into anything!

[talaniman]

I think we all understand very well, and leave her alone IS NC!

[roxypox]

Its good that you're trying to become a better you. Continue to focus on that! Block her on FB if you have to because you need to put her out of your mind and... well to leave her alone.

A break up is a break up for a reason... and it seems that what YOU need to do is to stop focusing on her and how much you want her back... and whether or nor she's in a rebound relationship or not is (to be quite frank with you) non of you business.

To put my advice into a neat little list:
1.Stop obsessing over her.
2. Block her on FB (and stop snooping on her FB cause it ain't doing you any good! )
3. continue to focus on school, working out your friends etc.
4. MOVE ON!

Sometimes we really need to leave the past in the past and to do that we need to heal and make peace with the past. So work through the pain and stop holding on to the False hope of getting her back...

[vanheart]

"I never thought of that relationship as a potential long term one"

That's all you need to know.