[talaniman]

As to the ex, stop dwelling on old feelings that are stirred up.

As to the new girl, you're just dating so have fun, and stop caring about what others think, and trying to live up to a stupid reputation.

Keep it real guy, or don't date, as going through the motions will get you alone, and a shallow person will never enjoy what life has to offer.

Now please bring your head closer to the screen so I can thump your forehead!

[Cat1864]

Emo, get real. She isn't a fashion accessory any more than a dog is (think Paris Hilton, et al). She is a human being. Treat her like one in your mind and in person. If you treat her well, why wouldn't others? It sounds like she is a beautiful person where it really counts-her personality. If you really get to know her and not what you wish she was, she could be the most beautiful woman you have ever met.

Don't be one of those people who buy into the 'model's looks' myth. Most of them don't look that 'hot' unless they are made up for a photo shoot. You need a 'real' person not a 'fake' ideal.

If I were you, I would be concerned about how she and her friends might see you. Will they see you as a 'caring person' or 'vain idiot'?

Do I need to link to Carly Simon's You're So Vain (I don't really think are so why try act that way)? :)

[J_9]

BEWARE HARSH POST

Ok, a few things. I received a phone call the other day but i missed it as i was busy. I called the number back and it was from JCPenney (my ex works there). I have no business with that company and no other company calls so I'm guessing she called. But why would she try to contact me after 6 months. And even if she wanted to try things and as much as i love her I can't go back this time no matter what. She ruined any chance and that hurts but I just can't go back to go through the same pain and be with someone that treated me so mean many times and who obviously didn't love me the same. Someone who left me and was with another just after 3 months. So any thoughts on that?

Could have been a wrong number. Don't read too much into it. Lord, my ex husband works for Domino's Pizza. I don't freak every time they call my house randomly with their monthly specials.

My next issues is this. I went on a date last night and I had a great time! Something strange happened. I had a lot of fun and I felt very relaxed and we connected.

Yay!

i'm totally over my ex.

Honestly? No, you aren't you you would not have posted this.

As in no pain and it doesn't affect my reality anymore.

Face it Emo, there is still pain and it does affect your reality or this thread would never have been started.

She is not the hottest girl. I'm a cool guy as I'm sure most can tell, hopefully. I can't say she is the hottest girl to me because it's not true and that bothers me a bit. I have been pushing myself to keep that aside. I mean she is cute and nice body but not someone who im 100% attracted to.

Now we are getting down to the nitty gritty. This is VERY superficial. You will never, to the day you die, find someone who you are 100% attracted to. Why? It's not just looks dude, but personality. No one person can have both and be perfect. You are reaching for the stars, but your arms aren't long enough.

Listen up and hear me well. Looks fade and personalities mature. You don't want arm candy, you want someone who is your emotional and intellectual equal. Don't get me wrong, looks are important, but again, they fade. Once a raging beauty queen at the age of 19 and now a fat broad in spandex at the age of 60... but she still makes you laugh, still makes you feel young. Okay, that's a little far fetched, but you get my point.

Even though i know this, I still want to see her and be around her and have fun with her. This never happened before.

That's a very GOOD thing. Embrace it.

a stupid point here. I am known to be with only very pretty girls and everyone says i should be with a beautiful girl.

Yup, stupid and superficial point. "Everyone" doesn't have to live with you and your drama because you chose beauty over brains.

Like if she was really pretty everyone will be nice to her and all.

Then those people aren't worth your time. They are superficial as well.

= I'm scared people will look down on me because i like her.

Then tell these people to go screw themselves.

There's just something about this girl that I like and i find interesting.

Then run with it.

In the end, beauty fades. It's not what you look at when you are with someone, but how they make you feel.

There is an aura about people when they are truly happy that is much more obvious than beauty or brawn. The happier you are, the more beautiful you are and looks have nothing to do with it.

I have a beauty queen niece... she married an absolutely drop dead gorgeous man. He beat her and abused her mentally and physically. The marriage was annulled. She is now married to a bald man in his 30s who is quite overweight. BUT, he treats her like a queen. They are so in love that anyone who even sees them together looks beyond the physical and straight into the kinetic metaphysical. That, my dear, is true love.

Stop looking for princesses and start kissing toads, you never know what you may find hidden underneath.

[slapshot_oi]

. . . I'm a cool guy as I'm sure most can tell, hopefully.

Lol

. . .My next issue is this. . .

You always have an issue. You will never be satisfied.

If you haven't already, you will piss off a lot of women on this board for saying "she's not the hottest girl" and that "I am known to be with only very pretty girls".

[emopunk7]

Thank you everyone! That's pretty much what I was thinking inside. It shouldn't matter how pretty because as long as she treats me good and we talk and have fun then who cares. I feel better now. I like her and I want to see her again. I had a dream with my ex last night and I was trying to make her happy but she kept whining and complaining about everything and I kept trying. Reminded me of how the relationship really was. I can't wait for Monday. I will keep you guys updated and thanks for all the wise words of wisdom. They were all great posts and didn't attack me except for slapshot but he has always been bitter. Thank you everyone and I really appreciate it all. By the way, I asked this girl to a rock show with me in may and she said she would love to go! It's my favorite rock show! Take care!

[Alty]

I will keep you guys updated and thanks for all the wise words of wisdom. They were all great posts and didn't attack me except for slapshot but he has always been bitter.

Actually, Slapshot was pretty nice compared to what I would have said. Vain men make me want to scream.

Back in the day I used to be the arm candy the guys wanted. I have a brain, I have a personality, but because I was pretty that's all the vain jerks saw, and I was too young to realize that these jerks only wanted a pretty little thing on their arm to show off to their friends.

It took a real man to look past the exterior and see who I really am. I married that man.

Now, 20 years later, I don't turn as many heads as I used to, I've gotten older, I have kids, I don't feel the need to go out looking like a model. I'm me, and people either like me for that or not.

I'm going to cut you some slack because you're young and hopefully vanity is because of that.

As for the girl you're dating, you're lucky that despite your vanity, she's still willing to give you a chance. Trust me, if she's as much fun, as nice, as sweet as you say, you'll soon think she's the most beautiful woman on earth. Hopefully then you'll kick that vanity, that thought that you only deserve the most beautiful women, out the door and leave it there. At least I hope so.

Get over yourself and your vain thoughts, try looking into a persons soul and not just at a persons body.

[slapshot_oi]

. . .They were all great posts and didn't attack me except for slapshot but he has always been bitter.

Lol, what can I say, I'm not for everyone.

Have fun at the show.

[emopunk7]

I agree slapshot, you are not for everyone but at least you have altenweg which is funny because you both give me the same vibes in your responses. A bit too cocky for my taste. Nonetheless, slapshot, thanks for wishful thinking at the show.

Secondly, I do realize I am not totally over my ex. Today I had some difficulty with my thoughts. I kept thinking of our times together but I would force thoughts of bad times as well. I don't know why these thoughts come. Its always during work time. I am so tired of this. Why can't we rewind time and be able to redo things? Why don't I have many options on many girls? I just want to have fun and enjoy life.
When I feel like I haven't worked out, I feel so down but the thoughts don't motivate me to work out.
I'm a mess today... ughhh!
I feel alone mostly and I want a girlfriend already. I've been single long enough and despite my girlfriend dumping me I don't have any issues. Sure I can be a bit jealous but doesn't everyone? I know how to keep it rational and I've learned some more since the break up. I was suppose to study with a girl over the week because she talks to me a lot and she keeps saying she wants to study and she didn't even email me to cancel or something. I kind of liked her so when I go back to class, I'm not even going to talk or sit by her. I'm not going to ask why not and act desperate. She obviously isn't that into me so forget that. Sorry for the vent.

[J_9]

Your question: "Why don't I have many options on many girls?" is mostly because you possibly keep comparing everyone to your ex.

I feel alone mostly and I want a girlfriend already.

Why? You don't need a girl to define you. You need to take time to be single to get over your loss. You need to find out who YOU are again. Until you do that, you aren't going to be able to give your new girlfriend that complete attention that she deserves.

I was suppose to study with a girl over the week because she talks to me a lot and she keeps saying she wants to study and she didn't even email me to cancel or something.

Did you take the time to call or email or did you expect her to do that?

[emopunk7]

I asked her to email me if she wanted to study and well she never did when she said she would.

I found the Facebook of my ex. Apparently she shares on with her new boyfriend of 3 months. Strange. I saw their pictures and they look good together. It didn't hurt me at all and no feelings came out. It was strange seeing my ex in a hotel room with another guy though. I just wanted to see it and get it over with and not wonder anymore. I am annoyed more than anything to see that he is at their house and doing all the things that I did. Oh well, this is life, huh? I'm okay though. I think I had to do this and not be shocked in the streets or something.

[J_9]

I asked her to email me if she wanted to study and well she never did when she said she would.

Maybe she was waiting for you to email. Did you ever think of that?

I found the facebook of my ex.

Okay, I guess my last post wasn't harsh enough, and as most of you know, I don't sugar coat anything. She is out of your life! GET OUT OF HERS!


Are you becoming her stalker or what? Seriously dude, get a life! If you don't quit this you won't have access to a computer behind bars. The don't have computers in county jail cells.

It's plain and simple, you are obsessed! Why are you so freaking obsessed about a control freak?

Look Emo, she doesn't want you in her life. No ifs ands or buts about it! Stop looking her up on Facebook and/or myspace. Stop thinking it's her calling every time the phone rings. She doesn't want you in her life. What don't you get about that?

[emopunk7]

No, I get it. I just thought I'd see it now instead of later. I'm okay with it. I'm not going to go find the guy or anything crazy. I guess I'm a bit sad. I realize now that it was over a while ago. There is a quote, absence makes the heart grow fonder, if not you learn you don't need that person. While I was on a cruise, I had fun but missed her a lot. When I returned she said she liked the space and got used to it.. That hurts... then a few other times she sneaked out without telling me and I wouldn't do that. So I'm just sad that I loved a girl so much and she wasn't that into me. It hurts a bit. I'm not saying woe is me. I'm learning day by day we weren't meant to be and its nobodies fault. I have to be stronger at this moment.

[J_9]

I'm learning day by day we weren't meant to be

Wow, you are dragging out this day-by-day thing aren't you? It's been SIX months for crying out loud. That's half a freaking year! Not six WEEKS. SIX MONTHS!

Again, I'm not sugar coating anything, but you need to hear this.

You know, it gets really tiresome for those of us trying to help you to tell you the same carp over and over. You just don't get it.

She is out of your life, get her out of your brain! Yes, it's actually that easy if you let yourself enjoy what freedom is really all about. It's about meeting people without having expectations. Life is about learning, loving AND letting go.

When a spouse, for instance, dies it is recommended that the living spouse get counseling if they are still grieving SIX MONTHS after the death of their loved one. Does that give you a clue as to how you should proceed now? Get counseling for this problem of yours.

Or are you a glutton for punishment? Do you enjoy hearing us get upset with you over and over?

Thank God my 16 year old does not act like this over breakups. I don't think I could handle it!

People come and people go. We learn and live. We take the good with the bad and move on. Get it? MOVE ON ALREADY!

[emopunk7]

I have to stop wanting to know about her. You are right. I'm getting tired of myself so trust me I can only imagine how you guys feel. Even tough I didn't suffer this time as much as last time, it is still taking some time for the thoughts to go away. I have school and work so I can't go out much right now. I'm so sorry. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone here. I'm such a mess this week. I don't know why. I've been sooo much better before. Why is this happening after 6 months. Is it just part of getting bad information or part of getting over it? Maybe I should get some rest and then workout and then do something. I feel so unmotivated this weekend. I hope this will pass. This sucks! I want to scream and cry but I'm trying not to.

[Alty]

Emo, can I ask you something, and I'm not trying to be mean here, how many posts are we going to go through before this thread is closed with your last post being "I think she called. I looked up her facebook. Why did she move on so fast? How could she do this? How come it was so easy for her to say goodbye?" ad nauseum.

It's been 6 months but frankly, it seems like we've been talking about the same issues over and over again for 6 years.

I don't usually say this, but I don't think there's any help for you here. You're not willing to listen, you're not willing to follow anyone's advice, you just want to feel sorry for yourself and drag this on and on and on.

You need more help then we can give you, seriously, look into therapy because I don't think anyone has anything to add that hasn't already been said 100 times before. Again, I'm not trying to be mean here, I'm completely serious. I think you need counseling, hopefully that will finally do the trick.

I can only wish you luck because really there's nothing left to say that hasn't already been said and ignored by you.

[emopunk7]

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. Thanks altenweg. I know you mean well. This is what I get for revolving my whole world around one girl. I'm sure this is a weak weekend. Ill be okay soon enough. My mistake was thinking I'm so strong that I could handle seeing her with a new guy but that hurt like heck. Geez... guess I just have to keep moving forward. I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

[Alty]

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. Thanx altenweg. I know you mean well. This is what I get for revolving my whole world around one girl. I'm sure this is a weak weekend. Ill be okay soon enough. My mistake was thinking I'm so strong that I could handle seeing her with a new guy but that hurt like heck. Geez...guess I just have to keep moving forward. I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

Emo, counseling isn't only for people with mental issues, it can also help you get over something like this. You're not crazy, you just need help dealing with this and obviously our help isn't working. I truly wish it was.

As for you "weak weekend", sweetie, you have more weak days then strong, or so it seems.

You said your mistake was thinking you could handle seeing her with a new guy. No, that wasn't your mistake. Your mistake was searching for pictures of her with the new guy, for looking on her Facebook, for breaking no contact. No contact means NO CONTACT! No pictures, no phone calls, delete the Facebook account, don't ask questions about her, don't look for her, just forget about her completely!

Seriously consider therapy, I really think it would benefit you a lot, because right now I'm willing to bet that you'll soon be posting another "I miss her, she moved on so fast, why did it end the way it did, my friend told me she's doing this, etc. etc. etc." post. That's your M.O. and it hasn't changed since you started posting about this.

You keep going around in circles. Aren't you getting dizzy? I know I am.

[Cat1864]

Why is this happening after 6 months. Is it just part of getting bad information or part of getting over it? Maybe I should get some rest and then workout and then do something. I feel so unmotivated this weekend. I hope this will pass. This sucks! I want to scream and cry but im trying not to.

You didn't 'get' bad information, you asked for the information. You went looking for the information. Don't ask questions that you really shouldn't hear the answer to. You opened up the wound again and reset the NC clock.

Go work out, go have fun, go do your studies, go to work, etc. but most of all LIVE YOUR LIFE! Stop trying to relive your past in any shape or form or for any reason especially just to see if it still hurts. If you keep stabbing yourself with a fork, it is going to keep hurting.

[Alty]

You didn't 'get' bad information, you asked for the information. You went looking for the information. Don't ask questions that you really shouldn't hear the answer to. You opened up the wound again and reset the NC clock.

Go work out, go have fun, go do your studies, go to work, etc., but most of all LIVE YOUR LIFE! Stop trying to relive your past in any shape or form or for any reason especially just to see if it still hurts. If you keep stabbing yourself with a fork, it is going to keep hurting.

About that fork. Why do I feel we're getting stabbed with it?

[Enigma1999]

I don't want to go to counceling. I will feel crazy. Thanx altenweg. I know you mean well. This is what I get for revolving my whole world around one girl. I'm sure this is a weak weekend. Ill be okay soon enough. My mistake was thinking I'm so strong that I could handle seeing her with a new guy but that hurt like heck. Geez...guess I just have to keep moving forward. I don't know how to make friends. I only like hanging out with girls.

There is no shame in going to counseling... I went a few times before, and I didn't feel/still don't feel crazy. Many people go for many different reasons, to be guided in the right direction.

I have read all of your posts, and to be quite honest, I feel as if you are putting way too much energy in someone who doesn't want to be with you.

This too shall pass. There are plenty of girls that will respect and cherrish you for you! You will never know that unless you let this one go...

I do think however, that you should really focus on YOU! Put all of this negative energy into a positive and utilize it for something good for yourself.

With all do respect, don't spy on her any more! She has moved on. So should you. Sitting here dwelling on it, when it's a beautiful day today, well at least it is here where I'm at, will only drive you crazy.

Go have fun, hang out with friends, get your life back on track!

You will be fine! Good luck!:)