[dynocompe]

Ok well where to begin. I have been dating my girlfriend for 2 years now and we are very serious about marriage, but her mom drives me insane.

I have a dog named Scooter. And everyone loves the dog. Often my girlfriend will come get the dog and take her over to her parents house(she still lives at home, she is 23.) Everyone just loves her, but every time I come over and my dog is there, her mom is always making marks like, do you feed your dog, she is sooo skinny. Or if I come over with no dog, she will be like where is your dog? How can you leave your dog home alone. Is it in her Kennel, how can you leave that dog in the kennel? My dog is kennel trained, loves her kennel, its her den, safe place and will walk right into when I tell her to go to her bed. SHe also will go in her kennel when I am home and the door is wide open!
Anyway, the other week, my and my girlfriend went on a trip, and I picked up my girlfriend from her parents house and her mom was outside, and came over to my truck. And my dog was in her Kennel in the back seat(safest place for her while travelling) and her mom was like your going to make her ride in that kennel, and I replied its safest place for her. Then she says her good byes to my girlfriend, and says you should get your dog taken away from you. This really pissed me off. I didn't say anything though, just kept my mouth shut. My dog does travel out of the kennel too, but it is safest in the kennel, but I was in a rush getting packed and ready and everything loaded in the truck, I put the dog in the kennel so I didn't have to watch her and worry about her getting lose while loading!

So yesterday I go to her parents house for supper and earlier that day my girlfriend came and got my dog and took her over there. So after we are done eat ing, her mom looks at me and says You really shouldn't put your dog in a kennel, you kennel is too small too, its mean. I was stilla ngry about the week before and said it is not too small at all, the dog is suppose to have enough room to stretch out, stand, and turn around(if anything the kennel is too big) My dog is really small, it's a yorkie/shihtzu.
And then she began to argue with me and siad you should treat your dog like a kid, and I said no, it's a dog its not a kid, and I said go check out any dog website, they all say train your dog in a kennel! My dog is only 2 yrs old. I said my dog can't ruun loose when I am not home, I would come home to find only to find something chewed or wrecked, or electrical cord zapping her!
It got so heated, and she wouldn't give it up, going on and on, I just looked at my girlfriend and said lets go. Got up and left.
When my girlfriend gets home, her mother tells her, I am not saying sorry to him(she enver even asked her too) so she knows she is in the wrong right there! Then she tells her that she doesn't want her to see me anymore, and she tells her that she is still going to.

I have never had a argument with a gf's mom in my life! I get along with all my gf's moms. (I am 27 and have been in a relaitonship almost all the time since I was 15)

Its not just the dog issue, I don't even say much when I am at her house, because whatever I say her mom has something to say. Also a negative remark or disagreeance! But before this happened her mom always told her daughter that she likes me, and always asks about me. But whenever I am there she is so rude, snappy, and such a B word. I sit and watch her interact with her family and I do not know hwo to they take it. SHe treats them all like crap , screams at them, and I juse wasn't taking it anymore.
My girlfriend constantly complains about her mom, how mean she is, the mean disturbing things she says to her.

But I am in the wrong here? Her dad even was like does he normally blow up like that? That was weird? Are you kidding me, for one I didn't even blow up, I just walked out!
He is the nicest guy in the world, COMPLETE opposite, I do not know how he can stand to be with her.

So when I talk to my girlfriend about this when we leave, she says oh boy, now what. ANd I said I couldn't take it anymore, and I said remember how she said I should get my dog taken away from me, every time I come over she is saying something negative about me and my dog. WHen my dog is completely spoiled, and my girlfriend agrees that my dog is completely spoiled.
ANd she said, you know how my mom is, why didn't u just not saying to her. I said how is this my fault? I said your mom just needs to be quiet and mind her own business, I don't tell her how to raise her kids, how would she like that is someone came to her telling her that she is raising her kids wrong.

Her telling me my dog should be taken away just royally peed me off.

How do I fix this, I would not want a relationship where we would not be able to see her mom. I don't like conflict, that is why I never say anything at her house. Just to avoid it.

SOme examples which happened just before she mentioned my dog again are, Jimmy, have more to eat, I said I am full I had lots, it was delicious thank you, and she says, no you didnt(in a real snappy voice), I say, I had a steak, two garlic suasage, potatoes, corn and peas, and a huge bowl of salad! I seroiusly had to force myself to eat this much, it was a lot of food and her cooking isn't that good, she doenst like to put any spice or flavouring on her food, because SHE doesn't like it. But everyone else in her family does. But because she doesn't, she will not cook with it, so it really is very plain. She then still tells me to have more and I just say I am full. I was really annoyed at this point. It's the way she talks, its just so rude.
So after supper, my girlfriend made cinnamin buns that afternoon, so they all had a cinnamin bun, and they know I do not like dessert. I don't like sweets, I like to eat healthy.
ANd they stilla sk so I say no thank you, I am stuffed, maybe later, and he Mom barks up again, how can you not like dessert, that is weird. ANd I said I perfer hot food, meat. I am not much for sweets. Same answer every time, again so annoying!
I honestly hate going over there for supper, because its gross for one, and I have to eat more than anyone there. I even eat more than her dad at there suppers, just to her mom, her dad is like 300 lbs. big guy.

If this lady was my mom, I would have put her in her place along time ago. She would know how to treat, and talk to others. Her mom ahs no friends, and sits at home every minute, except when she is not working at the local discount store!

I am just really frustrated, because I am so nice, pretty much afraid to go to her house because her mom is such a B word, I just always so uncomfortable. I really love her sisters, and Dad too, and were so nice to me. But how do I get along with her mom. She needs a attitude adjustment. I have told my girlfriend to stand up to her Mom many of times, but she won't, she hates conflict!
Is there anyway to fix this?

[dynocompe]

Anyone?

[Wondergirl]

Your gf's mom is a control freak. Take the high road and say what you have to (pleasant stuff), then ignore her. Don't take stuff personally, but just let it all run off your back. The mom knows the others don't like conflict, so she can rule the roost. She's trying to train you now, since you might become a member of the family.

I'll trade you MY mil for your future one.

[dynocompe]

Well what do I do, her mom doesn't want me over at there house anymore, or there daugther to date me! And her mom has A lot of control over that daughter. How do I fix it if I am not able to speak to her mother lol

[Alty]

How old is your girlfriend? Is she old enough to make decisions for herself? Does she still live with her parents?

All I can say is this, if she's this controlling over your dog, imagine how she'll be if you and her daughter get married and have kids.

She's not going to change, so you either accept her, learn to ignore her, or find someone else.

As for getting back into her good graces, a simple "can we agree to disagree and try to get along" would probably do the trick, unless she's really stubborn, in which case you'll have to lie and say you're sorry.

Tell her to come to this site and ask about kenneling a dog. I'd be glad to set her straight. ;)

[Kitkat22]

How old is your girlfriend? Is she old enough to make decisions for herself? Does she still live with her parents?

All I can say is this, if she's this controlling over your dog, imagine how she'll be if you and her daughter get married and have kids.

She's not going to change, so you either accept her, learn to ignore her, or find someone else.

As for getting back into her good graces, a simple "can we agree to disagree and try to get along" would probably do the trick, unless she's really stubborn, in which case you'll have to lie and say you're sorry.

Tell her to come to this site and ask about kenneling a dog. I'd be glad to set her straight. ;)

Put your mother in law in the kennel and she will see how comfortable it is! Sorry ! Tell your GF how the woman makes you feel.

[dynocompe]

How old is your girlfriend? Is she old enough to make decisions for herself? Does she still live with her parents?

All I can say is this, if she's this controlling over your dog, imagine how she'll be if you and her daughter get married and have kids.

She's not going to change, so you either accept her, learn to ignore her, or find someone else.

As for getting back into her good graces, a simple "can we agree to disagree and try to get along" would probably do the trick, unless she's really stubborn, in which case you'll have to lie and say you're sorry.

Tell her to come to this site and ask about kenneling a dog. I'd be glad to set her straight. ;)

All this was in my long story, she is 23 and lives with parents. She is super stubborn, doesn't even want me aorund now.
They are not even making the issue about how she is always trying to pick a fight with me, the issue here to them has nothing to do with the mother, but me. The issue is her mom says, wow he just blew up, does he normally get so mad easily, you should leave him. I dindt even blow up at all, I just said lets go and got up and left. Lmao But she is trying to make me look like the bad person of course. So everything has been put on m, unreal.
Oh sigh

[dynocompe]

Put your mother in law in the kennel and she will see how comfortable it is! Sorry ! Tell your GF how the woman makes you feel.

I have told the girlfriend, she says deal with it. Well so I did! But apparently that isn't how she meant lol.
Ohh sigh, I think I am gogin to have to go to her mothers work and apologize to her face for something I am not sorry for.
She really does have her kids brainwashed.
For ex. My girlfriend wants to quit her job, she works in a mine, she is a real girly girl and doesn't like the dirty work, or long labor hours, so I tell her to quit. She wants to open up a bakery, our town doesn't even have one so I think it's a greeat idea. We use to have one, it ran for porbbaly 25 yrs, then the owner closed doors and moved away.
Her mom tells her she isn't allowed to quit, but now she is allowed to. But her mom says if she quits she has to go back to school, but my girlfriend wants to open up a business.
I said you don't have to go back to school, your 23 yrs old, you can do what you want, its your life, and she says I don't know. Without the support from her family she is scared to do anything. I wonder at what age she stopped breast feeding to be honest.
She is not even allowed to go out of town with me to family functions without parents approval, they have always said yes, but its always a fight with her mom. I don't think I can handle this anymore. I need a woman, not a child.

[Cat1864]

Her mom tells her she isnt allowed to quit, but now she is allowed to. But her mom says if she quits she has to go back to school, but my gf wants to open up a business.
I said you dont have to go back to school, your 23 yrs old, you can do what you want, its your life, and she says I dunno. Without the support from her family she is scared to do anything. I wonder at what age she stopped breast feeding to be honest.

Her parents have every right to place conditions on her living at home. It is their home. IF she doesn't like it, she can move out. If she wants to start a business and there is the condition that if she quits the mine that she goes to school, then business school, culinary school, or accounting classes might be a compromise. Some dreams take a lot of work to make them reality.

Her mother sounds like my mother-in-law and my grandmother. As has been said, she probably won't change. You can attempt to have a discussion with her about how you feel, but it will more than likely come down to you distancing yourself from her mother and the 'family' dinners.

[Wondergirl]

She really does have her kids brainwashed...Without the support from her family she is scared to do anything...i need a woman, not a child.

I have a sister-in-law like your gf's mother. She has three kids. The oldest, a son, early 30s, bought a house just up the street from her and won't make a move without her approval. He's getting married for the second time in May, so I can't wait to hear the stories. Oh,yeah -- I heard them already during the first marriage...

The second child, a daughter, is 29, unmarried, and lives at home. She's a teacher, but the mom won't let her move out of their small town to find a teaching job (or a husband). The mom pulled strings to get her a local daycare job and guilt-trips her all the time -- "Isn't my house good enough for you?" and "You'd never make it on your own in this economy."

The youngest and feistiest child is a daughter, age 20, lives at home, wants to go far away to college and thus begin a permanent break, but the mom insists she attend college in a nearby town while living at home. Extended rehab because of an auto accident two years ago has interrupted the daughter's life and has forced her to shelve her get-away plans. She's afraid the older she gets under her mother's roof, the less likely she will be able to leave.

The mother has promised a Summer 2010 European vacation for the family as one more way to keep control of everyone ("Remember, I'm the one who's taking you to Europe" and "You DO want to go to Europe with us, don't you?").

So you see, I understand brainwashing. If you don't want your gf's mother controlling your life (in person and through her daughter) until the day she dies, get out now! To know what is in your future with your girlfriend, multiply by 100 what is happening in your life now.

[Kitkat22]

I have told the gf, she says deal with it. Well so i did! But apparently that isnt how she meant lol.
ohh sigh, i think i am gogin to have to go to her mothers work and apologize to her face for something I am not sorry for.
She really does have her kids brainwashed.
For ex. my girlfriend wants to quit her job, she works in a mine, she is a real girly girl and doesnt like the dirty work, or long labor hours, so I tell her to quit. She wants to open up a bakery, our town doesnt even have one so I think its a greeat idea. We use to have one, it ran for porbbaly 25 yrs, then the owner closed doors and moved away.
Her mom tells her she isnt allowed to quit, but now she is allowed to. But her mom says if she quits she has to go back to school, but my gf wants to open up a business.
I said you dont have to go back to school, your 23 yrs old, you can do what you want, its your life, and she says I dunno. Without the support from her family she is scared to do anything. I wonder at what age she stopped breast feeding to be honest.
She is not even allowed to go out of town with me to family functions without parents approval, they have alwasy said yes, but its always a fight with her mom. I dont think I can handle this anymore. i need a woman, not a child.

Sorry you are having to go through this! I think the girlfriend needs to be on her own. Mom needs to look at your good points. How about the Dad! How does he treat you!

[dynocompe]

Sorry you are having to go through this! I think the gf needs to be on her own. Mom needs to look at your good points. How about the Dad! How does he treat you!

The Dad is as nice as can be. Its unreal how different they are. He has nothing but good things to say, and has actual mature conversations. Every time I walk in the door he is the first one to say hello.

[Kitkat22]

The Dad is as nice as can be. Its unreal how different they are. he has nothing but good things to say, and has actual mature conversations. Everytime I walk in the door he is the first one to say hello.

You deserve to treated the same by future mother-in-law. Sorry about the quip about putting her in the kennel. You love animals, that shows you are a good person... Mommy dearest needs to wake up and treat you better! Just think about the poor husband.:eek:

[Wondergirl]

The Dad is as nice as can be. Its unreal how different they are. he has nothing but good things to say, and has actual mature conversations. Everytime I walk in the door he is the first one to say hello.

He's probably a very easygoing, passive person who goes with the flow and doesn't get emotionally and verbally involved -- like my brother and my fil. Neither of them would even think of causing a disagreement about anything. He will never stand up for you because he doesn't stand up for himself or his daughter, and will always find something else to do in another room.

[Gemini54]

There is no way to fix this, because you can't fix her. Your potential MIL is probably a narcissist - you can never win with them, so the thing is not to even try.

All I can say is that if you want a real relationhsip with your GF she will need to move away from her home. Yep. And, if you really want to break your potential MIL's hold on your GF, then seriously consider another town.

My MIL and my husband's ex-wife that are like this. I simply have learnt after many hard and stressful years to engage with them superficially, not to argue (what's the point? They are always right and make you out to be the bad guy) and to see them as little as possible. They are toxic and I am really determined that apart from Xmas, funerals or weddings - we see them rarely.

My husband is like WG described - except he saw the light and got out. Your GF will need to make this decision for herself, and you will need to decide if you can withstand multiple years of having a toxic MIL.

My apologies if this sounds blunt and pessimistic, but your MIL is unlikely to change.

[Kitkat22]

There is no way to fix this, because you can't fix her. Your potential MIL is probably a narcissist - you can never win with them, so the thing is not to even try.

All I can say is that if you want a real relationhsip with your GF she will need to move away from her home. Yep. And, if you really want to break your potential MIL's hold on your GF, then seriously consider another town.

My MIL and my husband's ex-wife that are like this. I simply have learnt after many hard and stressful years to engage with them superficially, not to argue (what's the point? They are always right and make you out to be the bad guy) and to see them as little as possible. They are toxic and I am really determined that apart from Xmas, funerals or weddings - we see them rarely.

My husband is like WG described - except he saw the light and got out. Your GF will need to make this decision for herself, and you will need to decide if you can withstand multiple years of having a toxic MIL.

My apologies if this sounds blunt and pessimistic, but your MIL is unlikely to change.

She is going to have to tell her mother to stop the way she is treating you. Get away from both of them and stop letting yourself be insulted by the MIL. Some time apart may work wonders. I don't think her mom will change. Sorry!:)