[rleitch]

My Girlfriend I have been with in over a year and never a fight, says she needs to think if this is what she wants, and needs to find herself. She says I am the man that she has been looking for her whole life. Then after a year she says she needs to see if this is what she wants and that she can't give me the love that I need and want at this time. And doesn't want me to wait to move on, she needs to find herself.. She says she loves me and I deserve to be happy. She says she is too busy with her new job and family moved in. So no time for me.. She doesn't want me to wait and to cut all ties to find herslef. I am 37 years old and never have loved anyone like this before. And it is crushing my heart. What should I do to get her back. She still calls every night, and asks what I am up too. She still loves me but can't love me the way I should right now. I told her I will wait for her, to figure things out but she doesn't want me to wait. But lost without her.. Need your help please..

[Alty]

She's trying to be nice but what she's really saying is that the relationship is over. She's hoping that by telling you not to wait, you'll find someone else and she won't have to officially call it off.

You can't win her back, it takes two to make a relationship work and she's no longer interested in doing that.

I would suggest cutting all ties, telling her that in order for her to find herself, you cannot have contact with her, because it's preventing you from moving on.

No contact. I know it hurts but it's really the best thing for you. As long as you continue to contact her, talk to her, you'll continue to hope that you can get her back. It's a dead end.

Good luck.

[kp2171]

Sorry, but you listen to what she tells you.

Never fighting doesn't mean it's a relationship that is right for her. Its nice, but doesn't mean its "perfect"...

Being together a year doesn't mean its right. It takes time to get to know someone... to work through the early phases of the relationship where all is new and exciting... so... time spent to find out whether you are compatible isn't time waste... just the cost of getting to know someone.

As for your being the man she has searched for her whole life... I've loved more than one woman I couldn't be with, usually tied to either "life circumstances" or other issues... and waiting around when someone says to move on... its just a bad idea.

Sends a bad message... you are willing to deny yourself a healthy, happy life by waiting in limbo for a relationship that may or may not pan out...

Don't get me wrong... I think its OK sometimes to pause... wait... but not indefinitely, and not at her whim.

So... she can like a lot about you and care for you... and decide this isn't what she wants or needs right now.

Sorry. The very best thing you can do is to listen to her. Not fun. Not easy. But it is reality.

[amicon]

Sorry for your pain,it's a bad place to be.

She is trying to let you down nicely,but you have to let go of the false hope,its over

You really should go no contact and cut all ties. You need to heal and by talking to her you will only prolong your healing process.

[talaniman]

Stop talking to here, get some caller ID or something, and screen your calls. That will help more than you can imagine.

When you get dumped, disappear from her life, and get your own, and for gosh sakes quit telling her you will wait for her in case she changes her mind.

That's the worst thing you can ever say, when someone dumps you, and the dumbest, even if you mean it.