[helpme199]

I have been reading these relationship posts and I have seen some very good advice so I am kind of hoping I can get the same for my situation. Basically I have been going out with this girl for 2 years and things were awesome. The relationship would be 50/50 and we were madly in love. I would do anything I could for this woman and I would treat her like gold.I gave her flowers,romance, the whole 9 yards. She always thought I was the perfect boyfriend. Recently though she still loves me but things started to slow down on her side. We used to talk every night,and that stopped. Then I would only get to see her once a week instead of the usual 4 times. I understood she was busy with her kid and work and everything but all I wanted was the little things like the affection,texts once in a while,etc. Anyway, it got to the point where it was becoming 90% me, 10% her in the relationship. It was getting frustrated for me since I seemed to be the only one working at this relationship. And eventually she wouldn't be affectionate around me as much anymore. She said it was because she didn't want her son to see but she never had this problem before. Now,only time things are great are when we make love. I suspected her possibly seeing someone else but I didn't really think much of it because she was just so busy with work and her son. Well back to my question. About a week ago, I finally asked her if anything was wrong and then I told her my concerns. She thought I was attacking her which I wasn't I just wanted to get my point across because I deserved to be happy too. After that fight she seem to become more distant. So do you think I messed up my relationship? Should I have sucked it up and hoped she would come around and be more affectionate again and do things for me? I just didn't think it was fair that I treated her so well and she couldn't even do the small things. Its very depressing when you love someone so much and they don't do things back for you to show they love you too. Actions speak louder than words. Thanks for reading this everyone.

Signed,

Sad and Depressed

[AmericanGirl01]

No you did not mess up your relationship. You had some concerns about the relationship and wanted to know where her heads at and she accused you of attacking her.

This sounds very similar to my last relationship. MAJOR communication problems. When I would calmly try to voice any concerns I had, he would stick up a brick wall and completely shut me out. Feels like you're banging your head against a wall eh?

So, where does that leave you? You could have kept all these thoughts and concerns to yourself, continue to be miserable hoping that things would go back to the way they used to be (which they could very well not) or do the mature thing and try to talk with your partner.

I would say to back off, she might be taking advantage of the fact that you're willing to put in so much effort, she might feel like she doesn't have to try. Give her space with her kid and work, meanwhile find other things to invest all your time and effort into.

[CarrotTalker]

I just got out of a relationship (she broke up with me surprisingly) similar to what you are describing and AmericanGirl01.

I would just back off and give her space, focus on yourself. If she notices and asks why, simply/nicely say that you were trying to communicate about some of your concerns and feel she did not talk to you about them. Ask if she would like to talk about them.

It could be she is just under a lot of stress she might not have shared with you and it is effecting everything. It is impossible to tell if she doesn't tell you. If she doesn't tell you, there is not much of a relationship and you should consider getting out before she drops a bomb.

[talaniman]

It's a lot of fun while things are good, but the true test is when things are not so good, that defines the strength of a relationship.

I think that you will either work things out, and get through this, or the ride is over, and you just take the memories, and get off.

Sadly though for most, the thrill fades, and other things take a higher priority. Especially when after the honeymoon is over, partners stop putting their best foot forward, and their true nature emerges.

Everything is different then.

[I wish]

You've passed the honeymoon stage. Now on the real stuff. Your relationship is put to the test to see how much adversity you can withstand together.

If she's not willing to put in the same amount of effort to make this relationship work, then chances are she doesn't feel too deeply about you.

Her feelings seem fairly fragile, especially when she feels like you're attacking her, while you're trying to be honest.

You're right, you deserve to be happy too. If she can't provide you happiness, then why stick around?

[Showme_urmove]

I was in your situation also man, I did everything I can to make her happy but for some reason she can't do the same,she always says that I'm always rude and she always finds things to complain about. You can't control the emotion she has, but you can control yours. Whatever she is feeling its no longer your business because she's not willing to share it with you, Once a person does that don't look back and run as fast as you can cause she is slowly pulling away from you. Think logical, if a person is really in love that means they can open up to you and share every worry they have. If they have a bad day the only thing on their mind is you, that they can't wait to talk to you about everything that's been going on. But in your case its different, take this lost man. The longer you try to grip on this the more pain you will feel. You can't make a person love you I wish but you cant. The only person you can control is you. Wish you for the best.

[helpme199]

Thank you everyone for really good advice. Its tough when the one you love doesn't do the small things to make you feel appreciated and loved. I haven't heard from her in a while but its OK because I have been focusing on myself. I keep telling myself I did nothing wrong. I mean who can be in a relationship where they are giving 90% and the other is only giving 10%. Maybe one day she will realize it but its sad because I have nothing more to really say if she can't do these things. I just got to keep doing my thing I guess. Thanks everyone.

[Romefalls19]

You have to be able to talk to your partner or else it isn't a healthy relationship. You voiced your concerns and she retracted, just give her the space she wants and start moving on.

[MyBrainIsMyDrug]

Wow you almost described exactly the relationship I was JUST in.

Seeing each other less with her being busy with stuff like work/school/kid, wanting the things like affection and her not giving it as much, assuming they are seeing someone, feeling different... things only being really great when you make love with her...

It's a terrible and awful feeling especially if you genuinely believe you love the person and in the past they seemed to return the same love and affection, in my case she did it even more than I did before, she was very affectionate and passionate... I feel exactly like you did, you do so much for her yet she can't even return those things you ask for which should be normal in a relationship anyway... if there's no affection showed you just feel like friends and it sucks...


I am new here, so I'm not going to attempt to give you advice... however what I am going to tell you is what I did... This past weekend I broke up with her, we both kind of knew it was coming... the sad part being that even though I broke up with her, it seems to be affecting me emotionally a lot more than it does her... but at the end of the day I realize my life is better without all of that stress and the endless thinking of what is going on... although its been less than a week and the whole NC thing is very difficult for me even though I broke up with her...


Anyway sorry I'm just venting... its really erie that your situation is almost like an exact replica of what mine was

[helpme199]

Thanks for the response Brain. Yea, I was tired of telling her my concerns and she always tried to put it back on me like I was attacking her. Its not like I was asking her for a kidney,I just wanted affection and communication. I walked out on her after our last fight because I wouldn't argue in front of her son. It would be stupid for me to crawl back after I have given everything I have for her. I feel that if she loves me as much as she says she does, she will come back. I love her so much but if she can't do the small stuff and talk when I am giving my all, it wouldn't last anyway.

[MyBrainIsMyDrug]

Your perfectly right... I got to that point to. The only difference is with this girl we were together twice past, this was the third time... (flashing lights I know, after 2 times I should've figured it wouldn't work, but she seemed so sure she knew what she wanted this time and I believed her and I always loved her very much)


She came back to my town after we hadn't seen each other in years and turned my world upside down. I was happy for the first while and I already miss her dearly, it hurts to know it was all for nothing. Anyway, back on to your situation...

All I can say to you is that if she does come back to you, don't fall for it... It will most likely just happen again. It sounds like a rather negative thing to say, but take it from me and what I've learned from what I've been through... Never crawl back to her because then she will feel like she has emotional/mental/sexual control over you and will just use it to her advantage to make you believe whatever she wants you to believe.

Typically if something doesn't work the first time, it will never work. I learned this the hard way and had my heart crushed. While its true that people do change, most honestly don't. To change you have to want to change, and the truth is a lot of people just act like they have for a short while until the reality of them pokes their ugly little head out.

I'm a rather pessimistic person, so take my comments as you will. But I will say this, its going to sting for awhile. When it is all said and done though you should take some time for yourself and focus on just living your life, you will meet someone new, someone who is better for you in every way. I'm still trying to get that through my head... but you will. It may take awhile but it will be worth it when you do find them.