[Minny_me]

I was raped when I was 8 years old . My parents passed away the following year. I told my current boyfriend my life story and he was very understanding. But last night he made it very clear that he is starting to get irritated by my not wanting to have sex with him all the time. I really love him & need him and I wish I could make him happy or satisfied. Sometimes I try to make love with him but I cant. How do I talk to him ? I'm starting to feel like I can't reach out to him.

[Silver Lining]

8 is a very tender, delicate age to be going through such a pain,, I donno how it feels to be raped and losing parents, but there are other things in life I have faced in that age which haunts me even now,, so I suppose I can understand how you feel,,

Well dear, sex is a pleasure not pain,, if you have taken it as a pain years bac, 14 years is not long enough to get over it,, until you feel that you want to have sex, don go for it,, its not a chore,,
If your guy really loves you, he'l understand,, else,, m sorry dear, he'z not worth your love...

[liz28]

  Many women experience a crisis in their sexual life as a result of the rape. You may find that your sexual behavior is disrupted. And your boyfriend should be sensitive towards this because he might not understand how being raped at 8 really affected you. He shouldn't make you feel guilty or try to forced you to do anything you aren't ready for because it is clear your still suffering inside and you need counseling.

Sorry this happen to you but you can only express your feelings to him regarding this issue but if he wants to help then he should support you through counseling.

Relationships aren't all about sex and I know everyone has needs but he should be a little more patient and understanding towards what your going through inside and the scars that are within you. If he can't then your better off without him but still get counseling for yourself.

[Romefalls19]

You might want to go see a counselor as they are better qualified to handle these types of situations. I am very sorry about what you went through and you need to tell your story to someone so you can hopefully try to move past this.

[chuff]

I really love him & need him

You may love him, but you do not need him. Say what you will about your past, you and I both know that you've come through it and you're a strong independent person. Give yourself the credit you've earned and deserve and never ever give that to him or anybody else. That strength is yours to keep.

Has this unresolved pain come up before or just recently with your boyfriend? How long have you been going out? Is this your first relationship? If no, did this come before with other relationships?

[talaniman]

Sorry for your experience. I don't know if you have ever had help or not, but I think him, and his attitude, could use some adjustments and maybe you need someone you really trust to talk to.

More background into this relationship is needed starting with your age and living arrangements. Does he know about your past?

[Gemini54]

No one can understand what it's like to be violated at such a tender age, unless they have been there themselves. Your BF is probably not being cruel, just being insensitive.

From what you've said, your pre puberty years were very difficult. I imagine that you're still carrying the trauma of those experiences and naturally it will reveal itself in your intimate relationships.

I suspect that this is not something that you will be able to deal with on your own, as there are no doubt a whole range of unresolved issues lurking in your psyche, particularly around sex and sexual relationships. How does an 8 year old make sense of such a dreadful experience?

In any case, as other posters have already said, it's really important for your emotional well being (and the well being of your current and future relationships), that you speak to a professional counsellor (experienced in dealing with sexual abuse) to talk through these issues.

At this stage, you will have to ask your BF to be patient and to 'go easy' regarding his expectations of your sexual relationship. I understand that his needs may not be being met, but his being 'irritated' isn't going to make you feel any better about sex.

You may also benefit from speaking to the counsellor together, at some stage, so that he can get a sense of what is happening with you.

I wish you all the best.

[shazamataz]

Is he getting annoyed about the lack of sex, or just it just seem that way to you?
I can't personally say from experience but I imagine the topic of sex would be a pretty touchy subject and any mention of it might seem like nagging...

Perhaps he is in the mindset that "it happened 14 years ago she should be over it by now" He might not understand what an ongoing problem it is.

I think you need to go to a counselor for sure. After a few sessions you might want to take him along as well so he can be explained about it by a professional.

[joshdom]

My suggestion is counselling. My mother had the same issues, and it is a very healthy way of dealing with your problems. Even better if he goes too to support you and understand how you feel. Your feelings come before sexual gratification.