[missyy]

I really need some advice! I have been dating my boy for 2.5 years. At the very beginning of our relationship he got drunk with a girl he used to help cheat on with her boyfriend (he was single at the time). They ended up spooning naked in the same bed. When he told me, he didn't even think he did anything wrong. Problem is, it took me over a year to find out the truth because he kept changing his story. It started that they were both clothed, then both naked in a double bed, which then turned to a single bed. I have given up on finding out the truth because he just yells at me telling me it is in the past and to drop it. He says they didn't have sex and he promises he hasn't done anything similar since. Problem however, is that I have HUGE insecurity and jealousy issues because of this and previous relationships where I have been cheated on. This is my first "intimate" sexual relationship so it is all a very big deal for me. I am 100% for being open and honest with a relationship and would NEVER cheat. I know he flirts with other women like crazy too.

When we are together I trust him completely, he is a caring and loving boyfriend. I know that he truly loves me, however as soon as I am not with him my thoughts start to turn to "is he with another girl"... etc. I get extremely jealous every time he makes a new friend with a girl. I don't see the need to source new female friendships when in a relationship (I don't go out finding new guy friendships), however I still understand he could simply want female friends and I don't stop him from doing this. He is a very talkative and friendly person, and people usually will spend hours talking to him. One chick from his work stayed back for 4 hours to talk to him. Another girl waited around for him to finish work late at night. I worried what happened there. Basically every single female friend he makes, I get very jealous of and if they text him etc I will flip out thinking they want him and what if he cheats on me... etc.

Recently he has become friends with a Stripper through a mutual friend. I over-read a text from her talking about a bra which does wonders for her breasts. I thought it was a bit weird so asked him about it and he just got angry saying they were just friends and she was just seeing what he was doing that night. If they have only met a couple of times why would she be talking about her boobs and wanting to see him. Clearly she doesn't have any morals either so she would probably try and sleep with him. I flip out if he says he wants to go to a girls party. Or if he want to go clubbing without me. I will stay awake ALL night and get extremely paranoid constantly calling him to check up on him. I can't control it. Ive tried and I cant.

Lately we have been spending a lot less time together... spend weekends together but never during the week anymore. The only time we talk during the week is before bed too. It never used to be like that but I understand he just wants space (I hope) so I give it to him. I just can't help but wonder what he is up to. I feel I always need to know where he is, what he is doing and who he is with. Always needing to check up on him. Sometimes I will check his phone/emails. I can't control my jealousy... the constant thought that he is texting/calling/online with another girl. I try and then he will say something like... 'oh I am going to a party with a chick from work' and I will freak out and it will feel like my stomach has sunk and immediately it means he is going to end up having sex with her. I don't trust this stripper with him either but I have told him I am not happy about it and he says I can't control his life and he is allowed to do what he wants and have whatever friends he wants. He refuses to stop talking to her and tells me to get over it.

I know he lies to me a fair bit as well but I always let it slide. He is very flirty with women... I have done a bit of snooping and found out things I didn't want to... how he texts his best mate saying how hot some chick is or how he got drunk and was grabbing someone else's boobs. That was all very early into the relationship and I don't think he has done anything like that since but all of his friends cheat and muck around and I just don't trust him if he goes out clubbing/sees another girl. He is the kind of person who can't say no to anybody ever. I worry that if he gets himself into a bad situation he won't have the willpower to say no.

He also thinks its okay if the situation ever arose to have a one on one sleepover with another girl... he says I need to trust him that he wouldn't do anything but that it is perfectly okay and that he would let me do it (I wouldn't put myself in that situation however). And swears to me that he has and never will do anything like that since but he is a guy and has a past of cheating. I just don't know. When I'm with him I trust him but when we aren't together it feels like he is a completely different person. I don't know if he is lying to me or telling the truth.
I know I don't trust him... at all but I honestly love him and he loves me and although he says he is afraid of commitment until he is much older (30's) he talks about moving in one day etc.
I don't know... what are your signals from him. Is he just lying to me. How do I get over my trust issues?


Oh and we had a fight and he ended up saying if he broke up he would wait three days before f***ing somebody else. After a long term relationship. After-wards he said he was just angry and didn't mean it and was only trying to hurt me but doesn't the truth always come out when you are angry?

[Larken85]

If you do not trust him and can't bring yourself to do so you need to walk. I'm sorry but a relationship must have trust or at least a fair amount of it. I have said this in the past and I will say it again and again, I am all about 2nd chances however he is not willing to work with you in the least. I'm sorry but it is not in anyway OK for anyone's boyfriend to sleep at another girls house, not OK for him to be talking breast size or whatever with another woman, not OK for him to be grabbin other girls (which is probably still going on) not OK for him to be yellin at you for insecurities, not OK for you to be checking up on him all the time and lastly not OK for you to invade his personal space (phone etc.)
This relationship has far too many issues to address so its time to get out of it. What do I see? A lot of drama that could be easily avoided by having trust in the person you're with. And I see that he is far too yong to act responsibly, and things have gotten way out of hand. You are not spend enough time together either. Stand up for yourself and do not let him walk all over you anymore. And lastly, find someone who hasn't cheated and is probably still cheating.

[artlady]

You can drive yourself crazy worrying about his fidelity or you can accept the fact that your stress is going to do nothing to change his behavior.

For a relationship to work,you both have to be on the same page regarding what is acceptable behavior with members of the opposite sex.

If he is always asking for space and you are home worrying about him cheating,that seems like a rather unfair partnership.
He is getting what he wants from you but giving up little in return.

Then when he is with you all is fine because you have him there and know what he is doing.You can't know 24-7,so you have to accept what he tells you is true or know that no amount of bugging out is going to change his behavior.

Some of the problem is your insecurity but it looks like he wants the benefits of a serious relationship without any of the commitments that would entail.

Getting over the trust issue is as simple as saying to yourself"making myself crazy over this is only hurting me"!

Whenever you get the bad vibes about cheating remind yourself what a useless venture it is that changes nothing.

Give yourself a pep talk and remind yourself that he is lucky to have you.

If he is not giving you enough in the relationship and is not willing to meet your needs than he isn't the type of guy for you.

[Larken85]

Yes that is when truth tends to come out. But after a break up he no longer concerns you. Just leave him

[amicon]

He lies-you can't trust him-no trust=no real relationship.



Listen to your gut instinct here,its trying to tell you to breakup with him.

[Romefalls19]

No trust=no relationship end of story, nothing else can be said

[pooja s27]

Move on from this relationship, firstly you don't have trust on him and secondly he is not worth being trusted, but dear when you move on and have any other person in life trust them truly.

[talaniman]

You have too much baggage to unpack from your past to be in a relationship at this time, especially with such a freewheeling guy that feeds your already insecure fears.

Sorry, but you need some time to yourself to deal with your issues as I think your reliving all the past times you were cheated on through him. That's not healthy at all and maybe you should seek some help and guidance to deal with your issues. Staying with him won't help, and keeping sexual relationships with him is absolutely going to make things worse, and not better.

[StrengthXXX]

Im in a similar situation... He lies about girls at the gym... I found a number in his phone and rang it... It was a girl he had coffee with from the gym and had informed her He didn't have a girlfriend... She was 18 he is 32... I don't trust him and I also wonder where he is when he is not with me... Its not healthy... He now works till late everynite... Im sick of it... I know I can get better.. When he is busy I go out and guys ask me out and dance with me... He has smashed my window in my house and ripped the screen door off, He has broken into my home and took all the groceries... It is a horrid horrid situation... There is no peace of mind... I totally understand how hard it is to leave a cheat... Im on my way... I will do it eventually... I just need strength which I pray for everyday... These people can tell you to leave but they don't know... U can only leave once you have had enough... And when that time comes you will have so much strength you won't accept anything less than you deserve... I respect you girl... Take care xxxxxx

[minimeeeeeeeeee]

Wow if I were you I would end the relationship asap