[piscesgirl17]

I would like to get opinions about a recent situation. I was pregnant beginning of last year by the guy I was dating at the time (we were not together then and not currently) when a guy from my past started contacting me regularly wanting to hang out. I kept blowing him off for months because I didn't want him to know I was pregnant. He is in the army and within that time it came out that he was going to Afganistan in November, and then I kept saying I would like to see him when he gets back. He was confused as to why I kept avoiding him, and asked a mutual friend of ours if I was ignoring him. Her and I hadn't talked in awhile, but she got it out of me that I was pregnant, and at that time I was due in a couple of weeks. He texted shortly after and was upset that I had not told him. I just apologized and said I didn't know how he would react. At that point I thought I would never talk to him again. He has a habit of disappearing and resurfacing in my life for the past few years now. Then he contacts me wanting to see me a few weeks after my daughter was born. I finally have him over my place when she was about a month old. Then after that we kept talking while he was at training and would see each other now and then. He was saying that he wanted to marry me and other things of that nature. He saw me right before he left as well. Then I haven't talked to him since. Our mutual friend said he was hesitant about getting involved before he left, and he had a girl he was engaged to cheat on him while he was in Iraq. So I'm not really sure if I will ever talk to him again. I'm not sure the true reason we aren't talking while he is away right now is, or if I will never talk to him again. I don't know if it's because he doesn't see anything with us, or because of his past. What do you all think?

[Larken85]

Hmm hard one. He could be scared of the baby. Doubt that. He could be scared that you'll go back to the babies daddie... possible. It could be that he isn't that serious about this or that maybe he doesn't want to become the instant father figure (like he doesn't know if you're just looking for a father to your baby.) You could try to reassure him that you are not asking him to be a father at the moment. Like you need to date him.
On the other hand this guy has a history of coming in and out of your life at a moments notice, I'd be careful to make sure he is actually ready to stick around before thinking about marriage, seems like it might end badly to me. Be careful and goodluck with the new baby. Happy motherhood

[Gemini54]

I think you need to back off and sort your own life out.

Sorry, but your situation would not exactly inspire confidence in me if I was a guy. Nor would the soldier inspire confidence in me if I was a gal.

You've just had a child and the father is not longer around, and this soldier flits in and out of your life. He suggests marriage but you don't actually know really how he feels because you keep taking to your 'mutual friend' about him and not talking to him.

Leave it be. The baby should be your focus for the time being as clearly you're not in a position to sort out what to do with your relationships.

Some time without a man in your life may help you establish your priorities and assist you to choose more wisely next time.

[talaniman]

He has a habit of disappearing and resurfacing in my life for the past few years now

Unless he decides to be in your life, then this is just more of the same for him, isn't it.

His words don't match his actions, do they? If it's the hope of marriage that keeps you believing, then you had better take a better stock of your own life, and circumstance, and deal with that, and don't be bounced around like a ball, for a guy who goes, and comes, but never stays.

Even talking to him is a very bad idea.

[Devorameira]

They say that history repeats itself, so he's gone again... just like before. He wasn't dependable then and isn't now, so I wouldn't count on a wedding.

You need to move on with your life. Find somebody you can trust and rely on.

[amicon]

Whatever his reasons are,he's flip/flopping in and out of your life when it suits him.Big red flag!!

Time to stay no contact and concentrate on being a great mum.

Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

Most likely he will pop up again when "HE" is lonely and wants someone for a short time till he moves on again.