[artlady]

Thanks everyone, I think it may have finally sunk in, I am pulling back and laying low, my son has made me realize what kind of a person my husband has became, and I think I can move on with my life eventually. If it should work out later, then so be it, but right now, I really don't care, and it won't be because of any more of my efforts. Thanks again, I'll keep posting

Good luck to you.I know this is very difficult for you.

Your son is a smart kid,looks like you have done a great job with him.He is pretty insightful for an 11 year old.

Like they say *out of the mouths of babes*.

Time to think of you and him and what is going to make your life better.
Take care.

[donf]

Chelle, my lady and I have been married for quite some time. At times, I have been miserable and unhappy. I cannot speak for my lady, but since I am the perfect human being that I am ( :) Yuk, Yuk), I just know she has existed in a blissful state of happiness for all these years?

The truth is that regardless of how unhappy or miserable I might have been over a situation, I never even considered finding solace with another woman. I know that that kind of betrayal would devastate my lady and there is absolutely no need to cause her that pain.

As to backbone or spine, my lady has one serious spine. I truly believe it is actually made from a high tensile steel I Beam.

I can honestly tell you that I know where my lady stands on just about anything. Her particular hot button is lying and second to that are her principles.

I know this because we talk to each other. I witness her living by her principles every day. Eventually it rubbed off on me.

I will say it again, my one cardinal rule: If I am going to do something that I know she will not be happy with, I don't do it. If I think I have to call her and ask, then I really already know the answer and I don't waste the call. I call for another more pleasant reason.

[chelle2009]

It's me again... HE CAME BACK SUNDAY!! That evening, he came back and told me he couldn't stand to do this to me anymore, and he was trying to teach me a lesson, that I did need him and didn't want to be without him, which I did tell him constantly that I didn't need him I would be fine without him and often that I wished I'd never married him, because he was so irresponsible... So to some extent it was my fault, I constantly cut him down, so he would think he wasn't good enough for anyone else, but clearly he was... and I have learned from my mistakes and we will work this out... I promised to work on being nicer, and he deleted the number from his phone and swore never to talk to her again... and he swore to me that they never had sex, just talked a lot, and I believe him even though I don't want to sometimes. We talked and agreed to communicate more, and he got a new job and has to go to Oklahoma for training for 3 weeks, so that could be a good thing for all involved... I guess I did the cutting him down because I do have low self esteem, and that was from the previous ex, my sons dad... I have lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks and it shows, so I will work on the self esteem and we will work on our relationship and I think we will be OK!! Thanks for all the advice and wish us LUCK!

[Gemini54]

Well, it just shows, doesn't it, that there are 2 sides to every story.

I knew something didn't sound quite right.

Hopefully, you will be able to listen and communicate and resolve this.

[1800proof]

Chelle, I hope everything works out. I have learned recently that nothing is more important than my relationship with my wife. Once that is solid, everything else falls into place. Good luck!

[donf]

Chelle,

You need to stop and make some hard decisions. Why would you want someone back who chose to put you in abject misery and a complete panic because he was teaching you a lesson.

Sorry, I'm missing the LOVE in that B.S.

[chelle2009]

I understand everyone's point of view with my issues, I just feel better trying to work things out because of the quickness of all of his decisions. I thought long and hard on whether I really wanted him back out of neediness or love, and I truly think it was love. I went through my sons dad leaving and would have took him back after a few days, but 2 weeks I was way over him and we were together for almost 15 years, he was a jerk and mean to me, my husband has never been that way, always a sweet heart and treated me like a queen, so the sudden departure was just too odd, I still think it was his pride that was hurt when I caught him talking and he didn't know what else to do but run. I am willing to give this a chance, we are getting along good, he still acts a little distant sometimes, but I'm sure it feels odd especially knowing how much he hurt me, it's odd to me also, but I feel much better with him here. I am being nicer and I should have been all along, I always tried keeping him at a distance so that I wouldn't get hurt, but all that done in the long run was hurt me and my son, and I won't do that again. Thanks everyone for the opinions and input believe me I took it all to heart and thought about it a lot, I think I made the right decision... I guess time will tell.

[Cat1864]

my son has made me realize what kind of a person my husband has became

Has this statement changed?

I can understand wanting to work out your marriage, however, there isn't just you.

Be careful that you aren't taking him back because you are scared of being alone or he has you convinced that you are the only one with the problem.

Do you have someone that you an talk to about the previous marriage who might be able to help counsel you and your husband to go forward from here?

[chelle2009]

I have talked about my previous relationship with everyone for years, (we were never married) He was a pure pardon the phrase. But my husband has never been that way, and everything is back to perfectly normal now, I don't think that was afraid of being alone, I didn't want to be, but I was through the whole 15 years of the former relationship, so I wasn't really afraid. I know I am not alone in working this marriage out, but before he left up until that day, he was the ideal husband, in everyway, never a bad word or anything towards me, I did, just take advantage of his good nature and took him entirely for granted... He never done anything with friends because I would get mad, didn't do anything without my approval because I would throw a fit and pout for days, so I think as long as he holds up to his end of the deal, I am the one with issues to work on, and I have been doing that and he is back to Mr. Perfect and I think that it really will work as long as I am somewhat human in my actions, as I wasn't in the past

[Cat1864]

I really hope it does work out for both of you. :)

[chelle2009]

Just wanted everyone to know we are still together and doing great, things have been worked out although I don't entirely trust him, I want to and am working on it, I am just that way, I have issues with trust from the past(not with him) and of course this didn't help. He has repeatedly told me that all they did was talk and I do believe that and I have changed my attitude towards him and our relationship... Never take anyone for granted, like the song says you don't know what you got till it's gone and that's a fact. My son is extremely happy about this to, although he's not his birth father, he is the only one who truly acts like his dad and not just a sperm donor.

[Cat1864]

I am so glad that you are doing better. Trust does take time and a lot of work. It sounds like you are doing a good job working out the problems. I am glad your son is happier, too. :)

I hope things continue to improve. Good luck. :)

[ZoeMarie]

I hope that things do work out. Trust is a big part of a relationship. Have you guys thought about marriage counseling? I would strongly consider it because on top of trust, communication is HUGE. Every argument my husband and I have gotten into has always come down to communication. The one red flag that I didn't see addressed so far, unless I missed it, was where you stated that you didn't know anything was wrong until he left. If both parties are happy in a relationship, they don't just up and leave. If there was a problem, he should have been talking to you about it, not this other woman.

[chelle2009]

Hey it's me again... still doing great, only one problem but I am dealing with it, he got a job after 3 months of lay offs and guess where it is located?? Within 10 miles of where the other woman lives... but he is definitely working not just visiting, a friend of mine got him the job and I went with him to pick up the company truck, so I know its legitimate. He has swore to me that he wants me and only me has apologised repeatedly for what he done and promises that it will never happen again. I desperately want to believe and trust him again and he is only supposed to be there another few days while they are training him then he is off to other places it's for the railroad so they travel a lot, but he is keeping close contact with me and I am doing my best to trust and believe... wish me luck... I think he is sincere when he says it's over but I guess it will always haunt me.

[Devorameira]

I have to agree with most of the others. He should be begging you for another chance....you shouldn't be begging him. He did the wrong, not you. Don't blame yourself. He may not have kissed her, but he may be having an "emotional affair" with her.

[redhed35]

Hello chelle,I'm glad everything is working well.. keep the lines of communication open... it takes time to rebuild trust.

You made the decision to continue the marriage,try and move forward,having lingering doubts will only hamper recovery.

Although difficult to get over,its not impossibe... you learn to live with the past and move forward in a positive way.

[chelle2009]

I'm back again and things are still great... He has a new job, quit that one because it bothered me, him being in that location... So I didn't mind him being jobless for a few more months, things got a little tight, but we've made it through. Has a new job now, doing what he loves and home every night and seems perfectly content. I have been working on the trust issues and doing better at that to... I think we're going to make it, seems that way anyway. Thanks everyone again for the support and advice and I will keep posted occasionally on how we are. Never really thought that we would be this happy again, but so far so good!! Wish me Luck

[talaniman]

What! Do we have a happy ending? Pinch me!!

[KatinaAlexander]

I am going through a similar situation. You and I both have to grow some backbones. Sometimes God takes us the long way around to get what we want because there is a lesson in the situation. 1st, you have to realize that your job is not to change the mind of your husband but to discern what is really happening. 2nd, the power of life is already in you not around you. 3rd, anyone not willing to fight for your favor does not deserve it. 4th, rejoice in the Lord always, even in trials and tribulations.

STOP calling the man. You were a good woman to him, he needs time to miss the benefits of that. You need to get into you more. Find out if you want to take him back becaue if you don't express that change needs to happen before he returns, he will do the same thing and you'll be a point A all over again. Be strong. You are a prize to be cherished.

[talaniman]

Hi Katina, it helps to read the whole thread before posting, as she and the guy are very happy now.