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What does it mean when my boyfriend won't move in with me after 9 years together?
Me and my fiancé have been together 9 years. I have been wanting us to move in together for about 5 years now. He does not want to move in together, and does not really give me a reason when I ask why. I feel that I have given him plenty of time. Not to mention we have a daughter together who is 7. He has never been the type to express his feelings, but this leaves me so frustrated and confused. Please help!
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You've been together for 9 years.
You have a daughter together. You've been wanting to move on for the last 5 years. He hasn't even given you a reason why. You have no long term plans together. Yet he still doesn't want it? What makes you think he will want it later on? Time to accept the truth. He doesn't want the same things as you. |
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I don't know that there is much else I can add really.
Actions DO speak louder than words - he doesn't want to move in with you, that much is clear. I suggest that the ball is in your court and suggest that you throw it at him. Perhaps you can speak with your actions. Either he commits to sharing a life with you, or you move on. Tell him how it is, then act on it. |
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9 years wow!! This took a real long time to realize? After 2 years of dating, then having a child with each other, If he never moved in with me after that, I would have been moving on. You have a child together, the parents should live together! If he doesn't want to after having a child together and dating for 2 years, something I think is majorly wrong with his commitments. |
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I have to agree with the above comments. Sorry. However it may be WAY PASSED DUE to see a relationship theropist. Perhaps one could help you better solve the problemsin your relationship. Perhaps he has deep embeded fears of moving in together that even he doesn't know. I say before you go moving on you at least give it a try and if says no then you have no choice. At that point it is too late to keep wasting your time with him and at that point I would consider him a dead beat. My opinion and I'm sorry to be so brash about it. |
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Maybe he has a secret life he does not want you to know about. It is strange that this went on for 9 years. I question that myself. How can you have a child together with someone and not live with them. Yes I agree with all the above. |
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I know you are concerned that he won’t move in, but I’d be concerned as to why after 9 years that he won’t get married, especially since you have a child involved. What kind of relationship do you really have? Does he pay child support for your daughter? I’d say he has a commitment phobia. If after 9 years he won’t commit, I don’t think it will ever happen. Your relationship may be one-sided... it’s his way or no way. This is up to you, 9 years is a long time to throw away but it's also 9 years of wasted time because he wasn’t thinking of the future long haul. It’s up to you if you want to remain in this relationship, he will keep going with the status quo and that’s good for him but is that what you want? You have the right to be happy and have the things you want and need out of a relationship and a man. Sit down and let him know that a stronger commitment needs to be made on his part or you will consider moving on. If he’s not willing, then you have your answer. |
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So basically, he is just a mute sperm donor. Aren't you the lucky one. |
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If he hasn't made a move so far, I doubt he ever will. Frankly I would have given up the notion he wanted to move in with you 8 years ago. Obviously he doesn't want to, and will NOT!! |
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Don't waste anymore time. Take your daughter & split. Hes dragging you down. Let me know when you do that. |
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I finally broke up with him, but it's killing me. I am completely going crazy.
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 Originally Posted by Missy Jo
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
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Originally Posted by Missy Jo
The main thing to do is to get back into life and enjoy it! |
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Maybe its high time you deal with the reality that there is more to life and you need to find it, and unwrap yourself from him. If he is all you know, and he was making you miserable, and betraying your trust, that's surely not the life you want, and its time to build a new one. |
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Originally Posted by Wondergirl
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Don't be so harsh people! We obviously need more info here. Like how old are you guys?
This could be a very young couple. What probably happened was that they started going out when they were like 14 and accidentally got pregnant. Even though my 14 year old daughter is old enough to become pregnant, I wouldn't allow her to move out. So the parents probably didn't even allow her to move out probably until after graduating high school. The boyfriend probably got too used to this concept separate living that he is afraid to make finally move out. Thus now they're 23 and just graduating college perhaps. My boyfriend and I have been together 5 years now ever since we were 15. In this instance we don't have a kid however its been extremely hard trying to get him to move out. Right now I and 20 and he is 21 and we still live with our own parents. His parents are Cuban and if there's something you should know about Cuban mothers is that they are extremely over protective. I admit he is a mommas boy, however at this point I don't think its his mother not allowing him to move out. I believe my boyfriend himself is afraid to live out on his own. |
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Thread over a year old, just can't believe it, a new person answers one question an picks one over 14 months old. Closed |
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