[ilymgs]

So, I've currently been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months. In the first months I would always catch him texting other girls (his ex & such) and lying to my face about things I already knew were true. It happened at least 7 or 8 times & I almost broke up with him each time. But I didn't, & he swore up & down each time he'd never do it again & begged me not to leave him. Lately things have been Better* but I'm still so insecure & just feel like he's gotten better at hiding it. I catch myself checking his phone extremely often. I don't like looking like a crazy jealous girlfriend ! & being insecure/jealous just drives me crazy! (I think I'm like this because my ex boyfriend cheated on me so many times tho) I love the guy I'm with now & don't want to lose him . How do I learn to trust him & let the past go if he has changed? I NEED SOME ADVICE!!

[Gemini54]

Well, the first thing is to stop checking his phone.

(The second thing is to stop dating guys that you find out are cheats.)

Trust isn't something that you can create like a rabbit out of hat. It has to be earned. From what you say, he has a history of lying and being dishonest. So in some way, it's fair enough that you should feel insecure.

However, real love can't exist in the absence of trust. The relationship will go nowhere if you continue giving in to the green eyed monster.

I suggest you just stop continually checking up on him and give him the opportunity to prove himself. Let him know you're backing off. Start occupying yourself in other ways and really concentrate on ignoring your jealousy/insecurity.

He either will or he won't prove himself. Your 'crazed' jealousy/insecurity will make no difference either way to the outcome.

Of course it's a risk - but at least you'll know if you can trust him.

[neverme]

To me, jealousy is like a monster that you feed. Every time you check a phone or go through pockets you feed the monster.

Take back the power; make a decision. Either you are going to learn to trust this man or your not. Checking up on him only makes you feel like s@!t and turns you into a person you don't want to be. So can you trust him? Honestly answer this, if you think he has proved that he is worthy of this trust then you need to allow him it. If he has not, then it's time to end this relationship.

Either way, I would recommend seeing a counselor, even for only one session, to try to deal with these feelings that you are aware stem from another relationship. It seems to me you WILL carry these emotions of jealousy to another relationship whether they are deserved, because they are about an insecurity in you.

This insecurity may have been aided by the cheating ex boyfriend or the texts on your current boyfriend's phone, but they are truly not about either of them, they are about you.

Best of Luck.

[talaniman]

You don't need advice, you need to leave him alone, and get a better boyfriend.

[I wish]

Doesn't look like you're the one who's insecure. Looks more like he's the suspicious one.

Trust your instincts. Don't be deceived by him. Find someone else that you can trust. Someone who will respect you. And most importantly someone who will make you happy.

You've already given him 7 or 8 chances, how many more does he need?

As for you, sneaking around to check on him means you don't trust him anyway.

No trust = No relationship

[Devorameira]

Why would you want to stay with a guy that would lie to you over and over again? There's no way for you to just magically start trusting him... to be trusted he has to be trustworthy (and it appears that he's not).

Find a guy that isn't always trying to sneak behind your back. You deserve better than that.

[chuff]

I love how stayed with him at the beginning as opposed to just stopping it when it first happened. You've taught him to disrespect you, and you've taught yourself that your beliefs of right and wrong do not matter.

Stay strong now and move on.

[ilymgs]

Thank you everyone.

[Romefalls19]

You showed him that his lying behavior was okay, so why should he stop? You need to end this relationship because once the trust is broken, especially this many times, it won't work out.

[leyley]

Hi
I ve' also currently dating this guy, I looov him ,he is so good to me and my kids, we are in a long distance relationship, he usually come to visit me, the problem is he's so jealous of me, he wants to know every move that I make, he calls me every time, some times we are on skype all day talking, he sese me doing everything in the house but the moment I step out, he s not happy,right now he is hr to see me again, today my phone rang I picked it, it was an old friend I use to know( a guy), I told him I was with my men, then he said, call call me when you are free ,I hanged up. My boy.f. asked as usually I have to explain every phone call I receive. This everning another guy that wants to sell a car to me,called again, my BF was next to me I got so scared didn't know what I was saying, really I don't have anything to do with aguy(car seller).
Now my BF is so upset he went throgh my cell, my emails etc, he found some old messages,Now he is saying that he don't want this relationship any more, He's not talking to me, he think I'm cheating. Pliz help, I'm innocent