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fallguy · Dec 10, 2006, 04:00 PM

I don't know where to start. A little history would help, we've been together 15 years, married less than one year. She cheated on me in the past, twice, although she admits to only one time. I have never caught her in the act. But the things she does are questionable.
Here is the most recent situation. We recently made a dramatic move from one province to another, (we live in Canada), and within 3 months she has made several "male" friends . Some of whom I would say are just friends while others are more. She works as a waitress in a Bar/Restaurant, where she meets a lot of people. She works 'til 12am, when done, she goes to another bar to meet her friends,(male and female), she gets home around 2-3am. This goes on for the whole week. Tuesdays are her days off. She gets ready to go out around 7-8pm, I should let you know that her cell goes off about 2-3 times with someone text messaging her and about 20-30 minutes after that she says, "I guess I'm going to go out for a little while"; with the hair done, make-up just right, dressed nicely she's gone. Leaving me behind to look after our 8 year old son who is now in bed sleeping. Again, she arrives home around 2-3am.
She also changed our home phone number unexpectantly and bought us both cellphones. She said she did this because "some" people who had our phone number were being pests. Funny thing is the only "pest" was the person calling and hanging up when I answered the phone... need I say more.
There is plenty more examples but I'll start with this one. Let me know if I should start looking for a good lawyer or not.

Thanks All!!

kerryAR · Dec 10, 2006, 04:21 PM

That kind of behaviour means only one thing. Im sorry to say this but it sounds as though your wife is walking all over you, you should get out of your marraigr now, its not good for yourself esteem and it certainly can't be good for your child (a mother that is out all night every night?? ). I'm sad for you.. hope you work things out.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 10, 2006, 04:53 PM

No, is a good word, No, she does not need to be going out after midnight with anyone, unless you agree, and no she should not be "going" out with fiends on her day off unless you are going with her.

s_cianci · Dec 10, 2006, 05:04 PM

It doesn't sound good. If I were you I'd definitely be looking for a good lawyer. There's no reason for her to be out partying until 2-3AM every morning, including her days off, while you are single handedly caring for your son. Splitting up with her will force her to have to start pulling her share of the weight. Then she'll either pay for a sitter while she's out partying or she'll stay home.

Bluerose · Dec 10, 2006, 05:05 PM

fallguy,

Hi! Again. And welcome. Sorry to have to say this but it sounds like you are being treated like the babysitter. Do you want to confront her? Find out for sure what she does when she is out? If so you both need to site down and calmly talk it over. This should save you both a lot of time and save the child a lot of heartache if you two can sort things out calmly. You may not get satisfactory answers and you may decide you want to take this further. But you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

fallguy · Dec 10, 2006, 07:20 PM

Well Thanks for the responses, I guess the only question I need an answer to is what do I say when I confront her about it, the first words out of her mouth are, "Do you trust me?", "If you did, you wouldn't be thinking that I'm doing anything wrong", "I'm not allowed to go out after work to relax for awhile with my friends?", " I don't need a second father!", " What's wrong with me having male friends?", How do you respond to that? Thanks Again!

Fallguy

kerryAR · Dec 11, 2006, 01:27 AM

Don't plan out what you are going to say, just let what needs to come out , come out. You don't need to worry about what she throws at you for an excuse, just make it clear to her, that she is an inconsiderate partner and mother, she is acting inappropriatly as far as your concerned and NO YOU DO NOT TRUST HER. Why pretend you do, she is playing on your concionce to get away with it. Tell her your unhappy with her, its not acceptable what she is doing and you will not stand for it anymore, if she loves you and wants you she will change, if she is defensive then she doesn't really want the relationship to work. Good luck x

Myth · Dec 11, 2006, 10:18 AM

I would hire a p.I. to get some concrete evidence to confront her with. Then all those questions that she asks you to play on your emotions and manipulate you with will all be answered. It shouldn't take more than a week for you to get what you need. I'm guessing she feels really secure in what she's doing not to change her routine. I don't think that it would be hard for you to get what you need as far as evidence goes and that would probably help if you did decide to divorce her. Then you would at least have evidence of infidelity.

Tuscany · Dec 11, 2006, 10:26 AM

I agree with Myth. Get some evidence. Hit her with it... oh and document everything. Every time she does not come home with the kids, when she is intoxicated, when the phone calls come in and someone hangs up. My friend kept a notebook on her cheating husband and it helped her gain sole custody of her children

Krs · Dec 11, 2006, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by fallguy

Well Thanks for the responses, I guess the only question I need an answer to is what do I say when I confront her about it, the first words out of her mouth are, "Do you trust me?", "If you did, you wouldn't be thinking that I'm doing anything wrong", "I'm not allowed to go out after work to relax for awhile with my friends?", " I don't need a second father!", " What's wrong with me having male friends?", How do you respond to that? Thanks Again!!

Fallguy

In my books this in unacceptable. Im sorry, she does NOT need to go out every night after work to relax. She is with you and she should want to come home to relax with you!
As you said it's a regular occurrence that she goes after work I would put your foot down and say you don't trust her. Because you don't, do you? And I don't blame you.

Im married too been with my man for a total for 8 years and I would suspect something if his actions where like your wife's actions.

If she went out after work once in a while, a couple of times a month.. or even maximum once a week, maybe OK, but not every day after work. A BIG NO.