[Kevin86]

I feel a tiny bit better every single day. However I have my ups and downs every single day, and the downs are horrible. What a horrible feeling!

Last night I woke up 4 times. All 4 times I was back with my GF. Then when you wake up, you feel horrible again, because the dreams are so real and intense.

I'm having a hard time not to text her, but so far I didn't.

Sometimes I'm thinking, it's OK to send her a text. I'm going to see her in 3 weeks anyway. I just can't not see her when were back in California. I don't have anything there. No friends or nothing. That's because I moved to the states only 4 months ago, and we were always together.

I have to buy a car asap, so I can really start my own life.

In two weeks I have to say goodbye to my family and country. I felt totally fine doing that, but now that she broke up it will be really hard and emotionally. They supported me so much, I've talked for hours and hours with my parents and sister. I'm going to be all by myself(except uncle and aunt who will supoort me a little bit). I'm kind of scared for this...

[amicon]

You should concentrate on getting a social life as soon as you get back to the States or reconsider your decision and not going back.

It's never a good thing when one person is your whole world,you need friends and hobbies and a life that's your own.

As for feeling a bit better every day,that's good and don't fall into the trap of texting her.

Your dreams are normal at this stage and they will lessen with time.

Make sure you stay as busy as possible and do the things you enjoy doing.

[Kevin86]

I agree with what you're saying, but it's not really my fault. I recently moved from Europe to the US. I was planning to really start my own social life once we would be moving to Vegas(in June). I was also planning to buy a car then. I was fine with the situation for the time being, and would never expected her to end it so suddenly.

Anyway, I will have to start from the bottom right now. I'm not going to school, and I'm self employed.

I guess I will start by joining a tennis club...

Any other suggestions, since I'm really nervous about this matter...

[amicon]

Do you play any other sports?
Join all the clubs you can think of.
Volunteering is a good way to get to know people and do something to help others.
Get to know people who share your line of work.

[talaniman]

There are no quick fixes for making friends, you just have to go with what you have and what you enjoy.

It takes time to build a life that you enjoy, all by yourself, and that's the good part. So give it thought.

[Kevin86]

Update: Today my ex called me on skype. I answered the call, I haven't talked to her since the breakup in a normal way.

I asked how the Olympics are, and she told me it's awesome. Then I asked how she was feeling, and we started talking about everything. She broke down, and had tears in her eyes for almost the whole conversation(1.5 hour).

I told her I don't want to be friends, neither do I want to see her once we are back in California. Being friends is not going to work, I told her.

We kept talking about our feelings, and I was surprisingly really strong. I could tell she had a hard time, she felt guilty, and was in pain. And of course she still has feelings too.

I told her that Vancouver would be a perfect time to live our own lives, and then see what would happen in California. I blame her two thing:
1) she broke up texting me
2) she didn't talk about her feelings with me before, so we could have tried to make things better.

I told her what I can improve as a boyfriend in future relations, and I think I hit the nail on the head.

Anyway, we are going to meet on March 4th, because we both have a tiny bit of hope. I could not have lived with the fact of still having hope. I still think she broke up really fast.

We will see what happens. I hope you guys are not mad at me... If it won't work out, and I will be in the same pain, it's completely my own fault.

I will keep everyone up to date, since we all can learn so much from each others stories!

Thanks for all the support, and you guys will hear from me later:)

[amicon]

I'm not mad at you for being human.:-) It's not what I would have done ,nor would do, i.e. meet up,but you must do what you feel you need to do.
We all learn in different ways.
Update whenever you need to.
Good luck/veel geluk!

[Kevin86]

I really appreciate all the people who put in a lot of time and effort to help others! Hopefully one day I can do something back, and help others too.

[amicon]

You're welcome and I'm sure you can use your own experiences to help others-it's a very rewarding thing! :-)

[vanheart]

Good luck with that "tiny" bit. Where does she live again?

I wonder why she had tears in her eyes. Guilt or true love. "I can't live w/o you"??

Plans, you know. The truth. Why wait?

[Kevin86]

You mean why wait for her?

[vanheart]

Yup. You guys are young.

And in a whirlwind. Plus she told you all of those things, like the last 4 months she wasn't in love. Did you get that one?

Why wait for her to fly in so she can talk sweet, then blow you off?

Doesn't work that way. Skype. At least with her. How nice of you.

What's love? For me its knowing it & being sure. Are you sure?

I live in Vancouver. Quite a party here.

She doesn't want to be held down, loves the experiences. The excitement.

And you should too. There's way more.

[Kevin86]

Just want to give an update, since everybody on this forum was so helpful.

Ok, after that 2.5 hour skype conversation I broke down again. I saw my 'real' GF again, smiling, sensitive, and caring. To be honest, it felt good too, to see that she was having a really hard time too.
But the next days I had a really hard time staying strong. I felt so much pain inside.
After a couple days I felt more mad than sad. Until today I think she made a mistake by not letting me know how she felt the last 4 months. I know I deserved that, and maybe we could have changed some things. That she isn't in love anymore is OK, but acting for 4 months like you are head over heels, and not say anything about what's really going on, feels really bad.
There is one thing I really want to do, and I feel like I really have to do that before I can heal. And that is to let her know that I'm really disappointed in her not being honest about her feelings. I want to give her all her cards, letters, and promises back, just to let her know that she could have done things differently. She also worked really hard on a self made photo album, she is going to have a hard time seeing me giving it back to her.

After that I can really start healing.

I will keep updating every single time something new happens, because I know it can help other people.

[Kevin86]

Oh what also really sucks is that this is my last trip to Holland for a while. This was the month to have fun with my family, and to say goodbye to them in a nice way.

I'm lucky my family really supports me, and talked with me for hours and hours. But at the same time I feel bad for them, because they are all really down too.

Bad timing.

[amicon]

Though I can understand your anger and your feelings of having been strung along,its how you handle yourself now that will determine how you get over this.

Stop communicating with her-it sets your back.
Return,or bin her things and start the healing process by concentrating on yourself.

[vanheart]

Spend your energy with people that truly love & support you, like your family.

And stop skyping with her.

[Kevin86]

After talking to her on skype I haven't talked to her. I'm also not planning too! I'm just going to meet her one more time to tell her my side of the story.

I feel it's time to speak up for myself this time, otherwise I will always regret that I never did.

[talaniman]

Let me leave you with a final thought, as I know how down you are, but I think in the days, and weeks ahead as you get your feet back under you, try not to be so hard of the one that dumped you.

That's right, just think of being in their shoes a minute, and being caught up in lovely emotions. Then imagine your feelings changing for that partner you have shared so much with.

You think its easy to tell someone you no longer feel the same way? Trust me, its not. And until you have been on that side of a break up, you will never know what she went through, for how long, and even how she may have fought herself to reach the decision she did.

Not trying to defend her actions in the least, but just stating facts you will see later for yourself, as it may have been true she should have honestly communicated her thoughts, and feelings, much sooner or much clearer, but she didn't, and you didn't notice any differences either. We seldom do, and that's why most relationships end, because of not enough communications, and both partners being unwilling to do what it takes to make each other happy.

It happens with humans all the time and is a main reason couples, married or not have relationships fail.

So see this as a learning experience on your journey through life, and don't get down on yourself, or anybody else for their shortcomings. Healing is much easier, when you can acknowledge the faults of yourself, and others.

Its never just you or them. We humans can mess up anything and generally we do. Just move ahead, and don't look back.

An old friend who was on this site was fond of saying "you have to kiss a lot of frogs, before one turns into your Prince/princess."

I find that to be very true so keep the chap stick handy for the next time, and even the next time, after that.

I can get a bit long winded, I know.

[Kevin86]

Believe me or not but I really understand how hard it was for her. I still defend her to anyone who says something bad about her. That's just my character, if I care about someone, I will defend that person no matter what.

My situation is just a little bit different to other stories. I moved to the other side of the world 5 months ago for us. Before I moved, I flew out 4 times that year to visit her. I also bought a ticket for her to come with me to Holland and we had an awesome time with my family. I also had to deal with her family who made it really hard for us to enjoy our relation. Sometimes it was very frustrating that plans changed last minute etc.

I'm not talking about money, but I did so much for her. The only I thing I expected her to do was to be honest to me, communicate with me about her feelings, and even after she broke up I would expect her to ask me once in a while if I was OK.

I still love her so much, and care a lot about this girl. But I also want to let her know what she did to me, and that she should have done it in a different way.

Now I was thinking today, maybe I don't even want to meet her on March 4th. That's the day after she comes back from the Olympics. I kind of want to tell her it doesn't make any sense to meet up. But I know that I'm just going to say this to give myself a good feeling, since I know she really wants to end our relation in a nicer way then she did before.

[amicon]

Your feeling is right,why meet up'to give her a chance to break up in a nicer way'?

She already broke up with you,what's the point of opening up the wound and in my opinion over the same old again?

Listen to your head,not your heart.