We were only a couple days ago from being together for 1.5 year.

I met this girl during summer 2008. Both our grand parents were Dutch, and both moved to the US at one point in their lives. My uncle and aunt I was staying at were setting up a family dinner. My ex gf's grandmother was invited because my grandmother was in town. A couple days before that day, my grandmother called her's and invited her to the dinner too. So basically they were setting me up to meet her.

At that moment I was living in Holland, and I was on vacation in the US. I just got my dual citizenship before my trip, because I was already planning to move to the US one day in my life.

Ok back to that family dinner, we hardly talked. I'm a pretty shy person with that stuff. She was 18 and I was 22 during that dinner. However a day later she called the house, and asked me if I wanted to go out with her. Of course I was excited for that, I didn't know anyone of my age around. She picked me up a couple days later, as soon as I opened the front door, I knew enough. Believe me or not but I felt something right away. We drove to the beach, had a nice dinner together, and walked for a little bit on the beach. We felt super comfortable from the start. That night we had a really personal conversation until 3AM. She told she never felt this comfortable before, and would have never told other people this stuff, she didn't even tell her best friends most of what she told me.
The next day we went to the beach. I felt so in love, and wanted to ask her if she liked me too, since I was leaving the country within a couple day. She said 'yes' right away. We had dinner together with my family again that night, and it felt we were botfriend, girlfriend right away. That night we went to a mall, Dave and Busters, and saw a movie. After that we sat down at a fountain and we talked about what our feelings were.
Two days later she came over, and we had to say goodbye. I was sick to my stomach that I had to leave, and she hated it too. She was my first love ever, and I was her's.

The next period was a period of 3 months were we talked for countless of hours on Skype. We had so much fun on SKype, and fell in love more and more. Three months later I decided to go back. I stayed at my uncles again, and she basically moved in together for three weeks. We didn't want to say goodbye again, because this felt meant to be for both of us. She came with me to Holland for a month. We had an amazing time, she felt super comfortable with my family, unlike she is with her own family. Her parents divorced when she was 12. She lived with her dad, they had and have a terrible relationship.

A month later I already had a trip planned to Vegas with a friend. I booked a flight for my GF, and we stayed at a really nice hotel for 5 days. It was so amazing what we had. We both were super sad when we had to say goodbye again. We both were head over heels.
I visited her two more times that year, I planned one trip for a month, and the second one was for three weeks.
Then I finally moved to the states. I moved in to my uncle and aunt's house, only 10 min away from where she lives. We were together every single day, we were addicted to each other a, and had so much fun.

After being there for 4 months we both came to Holland, to visit my family. This month was for me to say goodbye to my family and my country. We were planning to move in together in June. Because that was the month we were about to move to Vegas, where she is going to study.
She left Holland after 12 days, because she had to work for the Olympics in Vancouver. Everything was still the same, we were head over heels, she wrote me the nicest things, we were so close, and comfortable. We would overcome to be with each other for a month, since we did three before. She left some stuff for me to bring back since her suitcase was full. She also left a really nice letter, and she left a Valentine's gift.
When she got back home we skyped every single day(4 in total), until she had to go to Vancouver.
My family and friends in Holland were so happy for me, my whole future was planned out, and we were about to move in. I was the happiest person in the world, I never was never this happy before in my life as the last year and a half. And she felt the same way.

She was really busy in Vancouver, and we didn't really had time to talk. She sent me this super nice email three days before she broke up, saying that she loves me so much, and that she will always be my baby, forever.
Three days later we planned to skype that morning at 7am in the morning for me. I was so excited I woke up at 4am, turned on my laptop and waited for her to be back in her apartment. At 8 she still wasn't there. I got so worried, she is not the type of person who would not let me know she couldn't make it. I got so frustrated, because I was so excited to talk. Then finally she was there at around 10am. I got mad at her she didn't let me know and hung up. Then I texted her stupid stuff how she think about herself and not me etc.

Then she sent me this super long text message that it's over. I freaked out and called her right away. She said again it's over. I asked her for the reason, and she tells me that she wasn't really in love the last 4 months anymore. She admitted she lied to herself, she was in love, because she didn't want to lose me. I begged her to take her words back. I freaked out, my future was planned to be with her, I just shipped all my stuff and was mentally ready to move to Vegas with her. The next two days I tried to contact her all the time. I know, all the things you have to avoid, but very logically I think. I didn't find this website yet.

She is super cool to me at the moment, and she makes it sound like I did something wrong. I don't know this side of her, I don't think she has this side. But is just acting so cruel to protect herself and keep her strong. A little bit of understanding how I feel from her side would make it so much easier.

I thought about the situation so much the last days. I'm talking to my parents, sister and other family non stop.


I have a couple questions/comments about the situation;
- The day she broke up, she asked me to be her best friend, she wants to be able to call me anytime. She told me I'm the most amazing person she have ever met. Does that mean she doesn't want to lose me.
- We decided that we can still hang out when we are back home, she made it clear 'only as friends'. For me hanging out means: there is a chance we will be back together.
- I think a person is not able to act in love for such a long time when that person is not really in love. Every one told us how our eyes were shining on every singe picture, and every single day. And only I know how awesome our relation was, every single day.
- I still don't know what really made her do this, and she felt/is feeling
- I don't think it was planned at all, because why would you sent an email saying such nice things 3 days before the break up.
- Maybe she met someone, but she was only 2 days there.
- A couple reasons in my mind she could have broke up: she freaked out she was going to move in together and is only 19. Maybe a whole new world opened up for her in Vancouver. Either way, it's really extreme to break up right away imo.

A lot of things don't rhyme together, and that's why I can't stop analyzing it. The fact she is saying she wasn't in love for the last 4 months is really something I just can't believe. I know how we were every single day, other people confirm that we looked so in love together.


I will be moving back the 27th of February. She will be home march 3rd. Every one tells me I have the right to have a conversation, to find what have really happened. But I'm in my NC period right now. What to do when I get back?

How I feel: still in love and I still think she is an amazing girlfriend. To be honest I would love to see myself back with her on my side one day.

Words are cheap my friend... anyone can tell you they love.. but showing it... living it.. is another story in itself

You guys had an awesome few months together it seems, but if you guys are to brake up over something like this.. was it really meant to me? Really? Is love a word that is use only when times are good? And everythin is going?

Or is it used when even in the worst of times even in doubt.. you still love and want to be with that person.

You know what it is.. my advice Go no contact with her and let her make the bed she made for herself.


And I know you are probable oh no our love was pure it was one of a kind we wanted to be together forever it was written in the heavens..

Sadly we all feel like that.. but the hard truth is we all need to learn when to let go.and when something is not worth fighting
And she or this relationship is not in my view


All the best

Regards

When you get dumped you don't stay friends on their terms,you go no contact,and that means no Scype,no texting or mailing and no phone calls.
No contact means that as for all they know you've dropped off the face of the Earth.

I'd sorry this happened to you,and yes it sucks,but now you start looking after yourself and begin healing from the breakup.

Read the stickies at the top of the relationship page for good advice.

Thanks for the replies.

She left a voicemail message, saying that she called me to just ask how I'm doing, and she hopes my family can make me feel a little bit better.

I have three questions:
- Should I text and tell her I'm in my healing process and don't want her to call me? Or just ignore this, and go on?
- Should I sit down with her when we are both back home. She would like to explain herself why she broke up. Will this conversation help me in my healing process?

My last question, I know people think this is not important and should not think about it. I think it can help in my healing process, so please answer it.
- She was super cool 2 days ago, and not caring anymore. This is normal, I read to many times that this is a standard phase someone goes through after breaking up. The fact that she left me a message, does that means she cares about how I feel? Or can someone leave a message like that just because they think that's what they're suppose to do(so without any feelings?).

Thanks!

Once they've dumped you I think you should just go no contact and there is,in my book,no need to announce that fact to them.

I've no idea why she left that message.my guess and that's only a guess,would be that she probably is a decent person who hopes you are OK.

As for having a talk face to face about the breakup in the future,don't worry about that now,concentrate on you and restarting your life again.

Thanks for your reply again. I was asking that question, because we are going to be back home in three weeks. She only lives 10 min away, and we kind of already decided to talk.

I think that conversation will not help me, since she will say the same things. Some people tell me, I might need that conversation to help me process everything.

The only one who can process anything or achieve closure is you.
Why have a conversation which probably will only set you back? Nobody else can do that for you,never mind how many times you discuss it.

She has said it all already,you don't need to hear it again.

The sad thing is that people's feelings change and there is nothing we can do about that except get on with our lives and be happy with ourselves.

Today I'm having a hard day. I don't have a super hard time not to contact her, probably because I know we are going to see each other in 3 weeks from now.

I just don't feel like I want to give up on her. I understand that I should not contact her the next 3 weeks, I'm pretty sure I can do that.
However, I don't just want to say, I don't want to see you anymore, because I'm in the middle of my healing process.
When I think about her I feel butterflies in my stomach, then why should I give up on that?

Is it bad that I'm thinking this; we can leave each other alone for the next 3 weeks. Then we both will be home again, then I want to find out if there is still hope. If not, I don't have another option than to accept it. But right now I feel like she can change when she is back home again, doing her daily thing. I'm positive there is a good chance she will miss me, and maybe even want to be with me because she does love me.

The day she broke up with me, we decided to see what happens when we are back again... this feels like hope.

I should not do this forever, because not giving up when you know for sure she doesn't want you back, that will kill me, I understand that.

You give up on that feeling because she gave up on you. You are looking at this from the wrong way, you see it as in 3 weeks you see her and hope you can change her mind. Meanwhile you will be 3 weeks into your healing and when you see her it will be back to day 1 and the feelings all start again.

I totally understand what you mean. But I'm not planning to change her mind. I really hope once she is doing her daily thing again(school etc), she will realize what she really wants, and maybe that will be me.
Right now she is in Vancouver and working 16 hours a day, so there is not really time for her to think about her decision.

Of course the chance is way bigger that she will think the same as she is right now. But as long I still have a (decent) chance, I would hate to throw my hope away. I think I won't be able to.

I told myself and other people that her first reaction once she see's me will tell me enough.

I understand that the regulars on this forum heard hundreds of stories like this before.
I know my ex girlfriend, was really insecure, nervous about the financial part of moving to Las Vegas, her parents are divorced, and her dad is a horrible person. There is so much going on in her life, that maybe it was just an impulsive reaction. And maybe not, I understand that.

Pfff what a tough situation...

We have all been in these situations, look at my old posts, I was in the same boat, my ex left me and I held onto hope, typical myspace status messages and if I saw her looking depressed I got excited thinking she missed me. I went NC and never looked back and now am engaged and a lot happier

- The day she broke up, she asked me to be her best friend, she wants to be able to call me anytime. She told me I'm the most amazing person she have ever met. Does that mean she doesn't want to lose me.
As a friend without the romantic attachments, or any kind of commitment for anything other than friendship.

- We decided that we can still hang out when we are back home, she made it clear 'only as friends'. For me hanging out means: there is a chance we will be back together.
Thats the way you see it, but be aware that she doesn't. This is know as false hope.

- I think a person is not able to act in love for such a long time when that person is not really in love. Every one told us how our eyes were shining on every singe picture, and every single day. And only I know how awesome our relation was, every single day.
Glad you enjoyed the time you spent but its fairly obvious now that you were more emotionally invested than she was.

- I still don't know what really made her do this, and she felt/is feeling
Either she was having fun, enjoying your company, or you were thinking that she felt as strong as you did. Either you got carried away and swept up, or she was not being honest and telling you what you wanted to hear to keep you around.
- I don't think it was planned at all, because why would you sent an email saying such nice things 3 days before the break up.
Maybe she realized she had better come clean now.

- Maybe she met someone, but she was only 2 days there.
I doubt it, but for sure she decided what you wanted, a life together, wasn't what she wanted.

In light of the things that have happened, I would leave her alone for an awful long time, and go about my own plans without her being a part of them.

When the shock wears off maybe you will be able to see things differently, and with a clear head.

Accept you have been dumped!!! It sucks, but it happens all the time, and you need some time to make the right adjustments.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

- I think a person is not able to act in love for such a long time when that person is not really in love. Every one told us how our eyes were shining on every singe picture, and every single day. And only I know how awesome our relation was, each and every single day.
Glad you enjoyed the time you spent but its fairly obvious now that you were more emotionally invested than she was.

- I still don't know what really made her do this, and she felt/is feeling
Either she was having fun, enjoying your company, or you were thinking that she felt as strong as you did. Either you got carried away and swept up, or she was not being honest and telling you what you wanted to hear to keep you around.
- I don't think it was planned at all, because why would you sent an email saying such nice things 3 days before the break up.
Maybe she realized she had better come clean now.

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Talaniman and other thanks for your replies.

@Talaniman, she still tells me that everything she told me, and everything she wrote, is what she was feeling at that moment. Even though she fooled herself, that is what she felt.

Now you would think, she did that to make me feel better, because maybe she still cares about me. But that doesn't make sense, since she was super cruel and hard for a couple days. She showed me that she didn't care at all how I feel. Now the reason why she probably was so cruel, is to protect her, so she would not break down herself in Vancouver.

Whether she acts cool as to not break down in Vancouver is irrelevant.

Whatever a person says,unless its backed up by actions which prove the point is also irrelevant.

Time to let go of all false hope and look at her actions.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by amicon

Whether or not she acts cool as to not break down in Vancouver is irrelevant.

Whatever a person says,unless its backed up by actions which prove the point is also irrelevant.

Time to let go of all false hope and look at her actions.

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That's the whole thing. She says she wasn't in love for like 4 to 6 months, but her actions shows the opposite.

You got fooled, or she is lying. Doesn't matter, but now be aware how your trying to pick apart every detail, looking for a crumb of understanding. Thats what we do when we are shocked, and hurt. Let it go.

I had a really good morning. I slept OK for the first time, and felt decent.

Right now, it's 2.30PM and I feel my body changing again. What a horrible feeling.
It's so tempting to text her.
Is it really impossible to heal, and be in contact with her at the same time? I know I should give up already, but I think it will be almost impossible for me to start healing, before I hear it from her when I'm sitting across from her.

So in my eyes I will start my healing process when I see her, and she tells me the same thing in my face. So why would I care about not texting her right now...

Please advice.

Your head knows that you should stay no contact.
Now get your heart around that fact.

What would meeting up and hearing the same things again achieve?
Nothing,except prolonging your healing process and reopening your wounds.

In her 'breaking up' texts she told me, she gave up a lot, and couldn't be herself. I have no idea what she means, and I even think she says that to give it more power.

I think I need answers to questions like that to be able to process it completely.

I can imagine that unanswered questions can bother me later in my life(or even next month)

It is bothersome not knowing the truth, but you would be wise to heal properly before you hear it. Then at least you have a chance at understanding what you hear, and can be objective.

Right now, your everything but objective, or able to understand.