[lisa27]

Hi Guys,it been a long time since I log on here.as you guys now I was op N.C almost 3 month.my ex he keep contacting me calling sms, e.mail.but iwas refused to reply and I felt like he is not the one who is abused me but I am the one who abusing him because he want to be a friend and I completely ignor him.and also as much he keep contacting me now like I feel I miss him want see him or lessen to him for what he has to say. Guys can you help me?I don't know what to do.why he is coming back sevral times I gnore him but he don't want give up.and I forget to mention.over a month I chat with him on the internet and he ended up getting angry and he did not contact me for 2 weeks.because of accused him by saying that he still see his baby mama.and he gets mad. He says no it is not true and he was very angry.he said you never stop talking about her and you never trust me.and I hate to talk about he say and he was so mad. But he called me back again after 2 weeks .I don't know what to do.I have love for him because he was also my best friend.I also have anger.what can I do help me.I want keep as a friend but I don't want hurt myself again. And I don't want lose him forever.thank you guys for all the help you been giving me.now I need to show me the way to move for word.

[dynocompe]

Well he is still getting angry with you so he would just most likely still abuse you
Stay away , he hasn't changed

[lisa27]

Hi dynocompe,thanks for the advice.but the reson he is angry is because he hate to speak about his baby mama.I know he hates her.but I all ways talk about her because he share a child with her.I am jelouse of that.

[amicon]

Hello Lisa-you know what we're going to say-AVOID him.
Don't go back to square one or two by letting him get to you again.
You should not even consider keeping him as a friend.
Do yourself a favour and go back to NC proper.

Use your head,not your heart,your head knows he is a complete waste of time and space.

[dynocompe]

Don't make excuses for his actions! Move on. That is what women who get abused always do. They think it's there fault and make excuses for the Monsters actions. They lead them to believe it's there fault they get so mad. Don't get brainwashed. Move on.
I heard there is lots of people still single out there, that are better than you have ever dated!

[friend4u178]

It's really quite simple , you contacted him and the drama's begin again :rolleyes:

Don't contact him , and if he tries to contact you ignore it , he'll soon get the message.

Life's too short to be living with all this drama in your life and your promoting it by letting him back in with the contact.

[Cat1864]

Lisa, not talking to him is not abuse. His continuing to try to contact you after you have made it clear you don't want his attention is. It is a way to control you and get what he wants.

You are stronger than the person who was in the relationship with him. You are a lot stronger than you were when you first came here. You know you can go No Contact and keep it.

DON'T allow him to coerce you into another abusive relationship with him.

Good luck, Lisa.

[lisa27]

Thank you guys you all are wonderful advsers.but ike CAT1864 says I am much more stronger now than in relationship with him.N.C is un answer when you really want shut the person out of your life.but with me is like I want keep it cool and stay friends with him.I want you guys to understand he was my best friend for 4 years before any thing else.the abuse begins when we became more than friends.maybe was my foult or his but before that he was the best friend that any girl want have.I am really confused.I have learned with N.C I can get over his love but I really want keep his freinship how do I do it? I when I get over him and want tobe friends maybe it is too late for him and really want keep him as friend how do I do it please advice me.Thank you all

[amicon]

You can't be friends with someone when there has been and still is so much emotional involvement and shared history.

You need to understand why you can't free yourself from this attachment,why you can't see how a person who is capable of abuse is not someone you allow to be your friend.

That is why I still think you should find a therapist to help you understand why you can't let this whole thing go.

[lisa27]

Hi amicon,thanks for your advice .the sitation is not that bad to see a therapist.I am just confused about having him as a friend.and I am still confused.I know he is abuser when he bcame my boy friend.before that he was v.good to me.I think that freindship that I miss:confused:

[amicon]

Make new friends.
Socialise-this guy's not the be all and end all of your social life.
Get out there and get to know other people.

[Cat1864]

i can get over his love but i really want keep his freinship how do i do it? I when i get over him and want tobe freinds maybe it is too late for him and really want keep him as freind how do i do it please advice me.Thank u all

Lisa, right now, I don't think you can be friends. For one thing, I don't know if that is all he wants. If it isn't, can you say no to what he wants? Will he put up with you saying no?

There is also the matter of you and the mother of his child. It sounds like you are still harbouring some anger towards her. It also sounds like it is still an extremely touchy subject. You don't trust him not to lie to you about seeing her and if he is a 'friend' not a 'boyfriend', then he should have no need to lie and you shouldn't feel the need to question him about her.

Keep up NC for a while longer. Let yourself get over him AND the baby mama drama. Allow yourself to fully HEAL.

[lisa27]

Thanks all you guys, I agree with all. I guess I am not yet 100% over him, because just today I saw him across the road, and I froze. I learned I am still attached to him emotionally. I felt the loss, and the pain again. So like u guys advised me, I will keep N.C for some time. Thank you guys for giving me more advice to keep me strong.

Edited

[amicon]

Keeping complete proper NC is what will get you through this.
And,again,make new friends.
Come back and update us.
Take care,Lisa.

[Cat1864]

Even if you don't give updates, if you feel like you are weakening reread the thread. Good luck sticking to full NC.

[lisa27]

Hi guys ,I just have a little qustion which is confuses me.latly I was letting my ex to contact me.because of that I come back here to ask your advice if I can take him as friend.but now you all advice me to keep N.C how could I just stop answering his call and ignor him? Because we start taking as friend when I answer his call.can I find a reson to make him angry then I stop the connection or how do I do it?I am really confused how to start N.C again and what he will think of me when I cut him off again?it crazy qustion help

[friend4u178]

Lisa

If you want to stop all the confusion stick to NC as we have all advised you , the problem is your still worried about how he feels , Forget about what he feels , he obviously doesn't care how it affects you.

The sooner you realise that the only way to really stop all this confusion is to stop putting this guy on a pedestal and start worrying about yourself.

I would bet after your over him you probably won't even want to be friends with him.

[Cat1864]

how could i just stop answering his call and ignor him? because we start taking as freind when i answer his call.can i find a reson to make him angry then i stop the conection or how do i do it?i am really confused how to start N.C again and what he will think of me when i cut him off again?it crazy qustion help

Do not play games with trying to make him mad or anything else. Just stop taking his calls. Ignore his messages. Delete texts, messages, etc. You shouldn't care what he thinks. If he gets upset and doesn't contact you because you ignored him, does it really matter?

[lisa27]

You guys are wonderful.I am so happy to come here and tell my worries and get support from some body I never seen.guys because of you. I am stronger today and at least I can control my emotions.now I feel like I have a big familie here that I can count on.Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I will take your advice I will start N.C again. Until next time with a good news Hopefuly :)take care

[Cat1864]

Good luck, Lisa. Take care of yourself.